For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

I don't think Plirtle is wrong (or being critical) in asking whether their part-time work situation can be improved in the context of the OP. If they are struggling to the extent they are relying on foodbank donations, is upping their hours an option? There may well be a good reason they can't, but until OP shares that, it's a relevant question for posters to ask.

I'm sorry you're in this position and she's no friend, surely she could help you.

However, why can't your partner work full time. I'm on my own and work full time, always juggled childcare. I'm just about getting by to.

She has.

This. So much this.

@PinkTonic
They’re both working part time. That’s a luxury most of us couldn’t afford. It’s highly possible that the OPs parents don’t help out because they won’t support her poor choices. You only hear one side of the story on here.

If you read properly the OP has had an accident and can't work full time yet as told to her by her gp.
Hardly a luxury is it?

One of you needs to work full time. I was in a similar situation and worked three jobs, two in retail in the day and a bar job in the evening.

no one can expect to survive on two part time jobs. Why doesn’t your partner get an evening job too?

you need to help yourselves

Food banks are a last resort and if you are unable to survive on what you earn plus UC, then you are entitled to use them. It's no-one else's business.

But you shouldn't expect your dm to feed you or provide childcare. You are both adults. It would be lovely if she did, but it's not her responsibility.

Only a few months until your dc go to school and you will both be able to work longer hours and self-support. I hope thing improve for you.

No, it’s crap. ‘People shouldn’t have to work endlessly’, well they’re not are they, they’re both working part time. Which is quite the luxury in itself.

Is there a reason your husband can’t work in the evenings wed Thursday and Friday? Is he also unwell?

You mean the childcare issues? What about evening shifts?

But going back to the matter in hand, OP should really distance herself from her DM. Playing the siblings off against each other is vile.

She’s no friend. If you can be bothered to tell her that your family are crap, do it. Otherwise cut her off. She’s a twat and you deserve better as a friend

I'm sorry to read this OP x

Get your mother out of your life. A Racist horror has no place in your lovely family.
Use food banks, community supermarkets and maybe the too good to go app? See what other things are available locally to you.

Do you have any budget for food shopping? If you do and would like some help planning meals I'd be happy to help you meal plan x

If you read my post I said they’re both working part time. In my book that is a luxury most of us couldn’t afford.

I suspect your "friend" thinks food banks are for drug addicts and the homeless and doesn't believe the headlines about nurses having to use them. You having to use them dispite your "well-off" family makes her wrong.

Keep using them to feed your family and I hope your situation improves soon.

I'd say your DH could pick up 1 more shift a week there, 5 days a week instead of 4. On that day, put your DC in nursery which would likely be mostly funded anyway. So therefore that's 1 day a week extra money which would make a world of difference to your budget.

No he’s ok but because I work those days I have to go to bed so early

Just don't tell people you know that you are using them. It's none of their business. And that way you don't invite their comments.

Because the OP is recovering from an accident and needs to rest, on her consultant's advice, so he needs to be there for the children. The accident happened after the children and is what's changed things.
OP I'd be honest and tell her that your family won't help, practically or financially. Distance yourself from your Mother as said, she'll be doing your mental health no good.

Are you using your 30 hours funded childcare? Even if you spread it across the year you'd still get a good amount funded that could enable your DP to work full time. Is there UC help for childcare costs?

Hear hear!

So your partner works 37 hours pw? I'd say that is full time.

If your DP is working 35 hours then that is pretty much full time and I'd have written that in your OP.

Some responses seem to think you should both be working 24 hours a day. The concept of the deserving and undeserving poor is never far away.

You'll be upping your hours in September, you currently need to access food banks. There is no shame in this. Presumably once things are better for you, you will be able to pay it forward by supporting your local food bank.

Working part time is a luxury op. Why is your dp only working for half the week?

Foodbanks are for emergency use, not for people that choose to work part time.

You need to find a way to increase your hours. Working from home possibly to accommodate your health needs. Your dp needs to start working properly. I understand why your friend feels like she does tbh, it looks like you are taking advantage

Your husband works 37 hours. That’s basically full time.