For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

Where has op said she expects it of them? She said they do a lot for her siblings and nothing for her, which is incredibly shite.

You're entitled to your opinion if you're happy about making yourself look a bit stupid on the internet, sure. Being a single mother doesn't give you any authority on this subject considering that's not what we're even talking about.

Can you please stop with the personal insults. I am not dim. He works 80%, they have a child who is nearly school age so they would get free childcare hours so he can work at the same time as his wife works and it wouldn't affect her tiredness.

I don't understand why you so strongly want them to be reliant on charity to feed their children when food banks are already now turning people who qualify away because they don't have enough to hand out. I understand that the OP has to rest in the evenings, but there are ways to work around that by working at the same time and use free hours for childcare. I also realise that things are tough for them at the moment, but that doesn't change the fact that they are likely to have weeks where they aren't able to feed their children if they don't make any changes sooner rather than later. They have nobody else to help them, which is a shame, but it also adds pressure to be self-supporting.

How is 37 hours a week 80% of full time? Full time is legally defined as 37.5 hours a week. Half an hour is not 20%

@Birdsbirdsbirds I'm not taking authority. Its YOU who is continuing to TRY and arguing with me about MY opinion.

I gave a different opinion to you that's all.

The ‘arroganance’ of you…

He works 33 hours + unpaid breaks. That's roughly 80% of 40h.

I agree that if they used childcare and both worked on the same days they’d get more rest and could probably manage more easily.

Thats only a solution of you have children who can go to childcare. If you have children with high needs thats not always an option even if its available.

There is not a single word written by the OP suggesting that they have children who cannot go to nursery. The child is starting school in September, so they are over 3 years old. That's all we know.

Childcare is not free.

Anything over 35 hours is classed as ft, not over 40.

It's not 80%.

I don't want them to do anything, I've simply explained why some people's "solutions" won't work for this particular couple.

Apologies I thought everyone got some free hours.

What is your solution then? Just hope for the best and that the food bank will continue to feed them for the next 6 or so months? I wouldn't want to gamble like that with my childrens health and wellbeing. It is already established that it is getting harder to get food from food banks and you can't count on it as a long term solution which 6 months+ is.

Im beginning to think you’re the OPs husband in disguise because why are you so passionate on him not working more hours to support his own family? No grown father should be working less than full time when they can’t even put food on their children’s table.

So bored of this discussion about him “nearly working full time” OP herself said he works part time, the hours she’s given taken away breaks confirms he doesn’t work full time and therefore he should be working more hours to help his family.

If they want to stop relying on food banks that can stop the help at any time then the only way to get more money to pay for food is to work more hours.

The solution apparently is just to continue relying on help that can stop at any time and not actually taking accountability of one’s own situation and trying to help themselves. Then have the nerve to suggest their parents should help when they aren’t helping themselves.

I’m sorry but it’s so frustrating, working full time hours should be the bare minimum you do for your kids to ensure they are fed. Nobody is saying what’s the plan if the food bank stops which very well can at any moment?

@Pink39tree but millions of people are working ‘full time jobs’ who don’t get paid breaks and lunch. In many jobs if you apply for a full time position with the hours given as 37.5 a week it is taken for granted that your breaks etc aren’t paid… does everyone think hang on, I have 45 minutes of lunch and breaks unpaid in there so it isn’t really full time and then look for an extra job for 45 minutes a day?!

OP has never confirmed what her husbands contracted paid hours are she’s just given us his working hours which everyone has interpreted as his contract which clearly wouldn’t be the case as it’s not taking into consideration unpaid breaks.

OP herself has confirmed her husband works part time hours, as such I will continue to believe he doesn’t work full time because that’s what she said.

The hours she said added up to 37 hours… so over 35 which is the limit of full time (I had always thought it was 37.5 but I just looked it up). If he is contacted to the hours stated then he is employed full time (albeit condensed into 4 day). He may have unpaid breaks in there but that doesn’t alter the status of his employment.

This thread is truly awful and some posters need to take a long hard look at themselves.

Appalling behaviour.

Oh sorry, stating what "full time" is, you can Google it if you want, equates to being the ops husband?

Bore. Off.

He does work full time. Learn to count.

The most unpleasant posters on this thread are probably incapable of that kind of self reflection. Imagine actually knowing them in real life.

Yes, aren't we so horrible for trying to find ways for the OP to feed her children without relying on charitable donations which can end at any point? It would be so much better if we all just said stay as you are, hopefully people needing food banks will decline now with the cost of living crisis, and other people will have lots more disposable income to use for donations with the rise of inflation. So much better if you look at the bigger picture, right?

Yes, aren't we so horrible for trying to find ways for the OP to feed her children without relying on charitable donations which can end at any point?

Disingenuous.

I don't think for one moment, those berating the op, and telling her that she should work harder despite being unwell are doing this to be helpful or altruistic towards her. It's the usual MN angry attack and pile on, even if someone is vulnerable and unwell, there is no care or consideration for that.

Agreed @Wilson. Indeed MNHQ saw fit to act on the reports they must have received about some of the posts.