For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

@Springchicken75 with the hours he works he IS working full time. She is working part time. Someone has to be available to take care of the children. If she put the children in nursery and worked full time she would be no better off… in September the kids will be at school and she can work full time and will be better off. It isn’t difficult to understand.

It’s 2023, no one ought to have to work 12 hours a day 6 days a week in order to feed their family. We aren’t bonded at 10 to mill owners anymore!

Full time in the Uk is legally classified as 37.5 hours

well a few of your vile posts have gone springchicken so clearly mnhq agree

It's a very nasty way to speak to someone - which is why I very rarely say it.

But it isn't good to blame people for their ill luck. OP works p/t due to health reasons - her husband works full-time hours. There is no suggestion that OP expects charity to keep her family. Your comment was nasty.

Off you.pop then.

OP's husband works 33 hours a week across 4 days (37 hours + he will have breaks too which aren't paid for, so minus 4h). That's roughly 80% of full time (40h).

I haven't blamed OP for having an accident, I have said that they should maximise their earning potential so that their childrens food is not reliant on charitable donations (which is exactly what food banks are). It's too risky as there isn't a limitless supply and they can be denied at any point. It's fine for a few weeks/a couple of months or if there really is no other way of supporting themselves fully, but there is for OP as her husband is not working full time.

So if ops husband works another 3.5 hours a week, when you've taken away tax and childcare how much money do you think they'll have left for food?

He could work 40 hours a week at least. Tax is I guess 21%, the child is nearly school age so they should have free hours.

Let’s say he’s on minimum wage at £10.42/h times 8hours = 83.36. Times 4 to get a monthly wage = £333.44. Take away tax of 21% and they are left with an additional £263.42 per month/£65/week. Not exactly peanuts if you are in a position of not affording to feed your children. At least to me that’s a no-brainer.

Yeah if you're assuming free childcare is available for when he could work, and that he can pick up 8 extra hours at the drop of a hat and be available to do drop off and pick up. So yeah, if you ignore the actual realities of being a working parent, it's a no brainer.

From the hours/days being worked I am guessing this is retail. From my family's experience 'do more hours' is seldom an easy solution.

Employers aren't keen to give them, they would rather have more employees working fewer hours (easier to sort cover when someone is off).

Even if those extra hours were available they still have to be worked around OP's current hours.

I see no shame for the OP using food banks.

I do feel the posters clucking on about OP's DH being workshy should be ashamed of themselves.

My mother was like yours, wouldn't have pissed on me if I was on fire

We were always all right for money but when we had our twins and DH went back to work I struggled with feeding them both and just generally handling two babies at once. I wanted to apply to HomeStart for a volunteer to just come and hold one baby while I fed the other, just to start with. But when they asked why my mother couldn't help I didn't know ow what to say. It's so embarrassing, people think there's something wrong with you when your own mother won't help you. You keep using the food bank OP, that's what it is there for. I don't know what is up with all the people telling you to get another job at night and all this stuff, I don't know how the hell anyone with small kids on an average income is meant to manage, you're paying your rent and your taxes and looking after your kids ffs if you're coming up short to the tune of a bag of groceries I think you're doing not bad at all what with the way things are these days.

Hit the nail on the head here, everyone saying OPs husband works full time when he actually doesn’t when you take into consideration unpaid breaks. Even if it’s a additional few hours a week to get him up to full time hours that could be the difference between paying something towards a food shop and relying on a food bank for the extra bits!
childcare wouldn’t be a issue as OP is already home for those days

When thread like this are on it really tells you why our government are where they are and do what they do.because so many carry the cruel unaware disgusting views they do.

I'll point you in the direction of my last post

Oh come on! Expecting a grown able bodied man, father of two, to work 40 hours a week to support his family is now cruel and disgusting?

Yes. And the OP's mother is a monster. And the OP is a poor helpless victim of Victorian values, who is just one step away from the workhouse.

The OP appears to only just be managing with the current arrangement, so maybe OP can't manage the extra hours of caring for the children?

The husband is working nearly full time and is essentially a carer.

We are only managing financially because we are fortunate enough to not have rent or mortgage to pay. We cannot work extra hours because of the current situation with our DS - life does not always go the way we would prefer it to. I'm sure the OP has considered options like working extra hours (just like we have) but it is clearly not feasible at the moment, but they clearly have plans for when her health improves, just like we do for of the situation with DS improves.

With attitudes like those displayed on this thread I really wouldnt be surprised if rishi announced the workhouses were making a comeback.

Well you’re assuming there is no childcare available or extra work…

I haven’t lived in the UK for a year now but at least when I left there were loads of places looking for workers in retail, delivery drivers, manual labours etc. Places had to be open with reduced hours because they couldn’t find people to fill the positions. Maybe that’s not the case anymore.

No, I'm not assuming there's not. I'm presenting it as a very real option, and why perhaps your plan is a little optimistic.

There are definitely jobs. Are many of them based around free nursery hours? No, no, they aren't. Very very few are, infact.

I'm surprised no one has suggested she take in ironing yet.

Aren’t you disingenuous? You’re a bit of Al one voice now the others have slunk off.

I’ll point you to my replies:
“Yeah if you're assuming free childcare is available for when he could work”
Yes I am assuming this because the other parent would be at home looking after the children they don’t both need to do it.

“and that he can pick up 8 extra hours at the drop of a hat and be available to do drop off and pick up.”
Yes I am also assuming this because I know there are jobs desperate for employees right now, he could either get overtime for his current employment or Secondary retail employment that comes at a whole variety of hours that he could pick to suit him.

“So yeah, if you ignore the actual realities of being a working parent, it's a no brainer.” I am assuming it’s a no brainier because any working parent would pick up extra hours rather then see their kid go hungry. 2 part time working parents is not the same as a single full time working parent who I would have more sympathy for.

Why would the jobs need to be around nursery hours?
OP works 9:30-16:00 Wednesday/Thursday/Friday so what’s stopping the dad from picking up at least one shift in the evening time 17:00-22:00 for example? That means there’s always someone home with the children.

Or a lodger!