For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

Okay. I don't think you're really thinking about this. He already works when op does. He works 10 hour shifts. He is unlikely to be able to pick up more hours on those days. Therefore he'd have to pick up hours on other days, hence childcare. Free hours are short.

You've ignored the pick up and drop off point so guess you don't have a solution for that.

Any working parent who feasibly could, yes. I'd bet they've already considered this, but the brain of Britain on the internet assumes otherwise and of course has all the answers (without actually considering the logistics).

When op doesn't, that should say.

Or to ‘just get a better job’.

Yeah, ideal. Wonder how many jobs offer those hours!

Agreed. This is one of the nastiest threads I've read on here in a long while.

@Notaskingmuch - I hope you are not taking all the vile comments to heart.

Luckily, 93% agree that you are not unreasonable to use the food banks. I expect most of them cannot be bothered to argue with those individuals who clearly have had a compassion bypass.

sat 8-6, sun 9-4, Mon 8-6 and tues 8-6.

I work wed, Thu, Fri 930-4

This is the hours OP posted, not sure where you’re seeing he works when OP works. Nothing in the recommendation I gave would impact pick off/drop off as their working hours wouldn’t clash.

He does 3 - 10 hour shifts and 1 - 7 hour shift. So he could either increase his 7 hour shift or for the 3 days he doesn’t work could pick up an evening job for a few hours to do when OP comes home from work. So then OP can look after the kids when goes to work. Having 3 days off a week when you don’t even work full time hours is a luxury I say! So it’s a luxury that can be lost to pay for food for his children .

all retailers and hospitality!!17:00-22:00 and 18:00-23:00 were the shifts I used to do around my university hours. Just had a quick look on the food retailers vacancy page and they still advertise for those hours so clearly they are available you just need to look.

I said when op doesn't work.

Yes, he could work in the evenings. I'm sure there are plenty of jobs with these incredibly specific requirements.
I wonder if having to do bedtimes single handedly etc will impact on ops health? Or is that a luxury she should give up too?

And three days off, lol. You mean, three days of childcare. If he was a woman you'd not be saying it's three days off as if it's some kind of day to relax. Have you ever met pre school children?

I don't think some people would be satisfied until this man worked 25 hours a day 8 days a week.

How do you jump from one extreme to another. Nobody has said that. We just think that an adult responsible for children should at least be working full time hours to pay to put food on his children’s table.

You're also saying he has three days off and that's a luxury, when what you mean is he had three days of being responsible for his children.

He works almost full time and does almost half a week of childcare too. Again, a woman doing this wouldn't be told to work in the evenings because they don't deserve the "luxury"

The OP isn't allowed a break either. She's supposed to finish work then solo parent in the evenings while her partner goes out to work some more.

You're also entirely dismissing the ops health and the need for her husband to pitch in around the house. I believe it's been mentioned that op needs to rest once she's home from work. How does that fit in with him working all the evenings? Or does it not?

Except it’s wrong. Current minimum is £9.50/hour. Tax + NI is 32%

Monthly increase to work one extra day = £224 or £52/ week.

Full day of childcare is easily going to cost that £52.

When minimum wage increases it will be more like £57/week, which again will mainly be eaten up by childcare cost. There will be parts of the country it would cost more for childcare than the extra earning. It may be some of it is covered by UC but the more you earn the less you are entitled to.

Precisely

Whose going to look after the kids? Between them they work more than full time.

I don’t think anyone has said that they shouldn’t use food banks in the short term, the problem is that they are relying on them to be able to feed their kids for the next 6 months or so rather than trying to maximise their earnings. What would they do if they turned up one week and the food bank said: sorry, we’re all out this week? The following week, same thing.

More and more people are using food banks, less and less are able to donate. They can’t just not feed their kids, but there isn’t unlimited stock there either and to qualify will get harder. There is a risk that OP’s family suddenly won’t qualify anymore because there are others in an even worse position. It has already been established that there is no family help to get so they are completely reliant on nothing changing.

Maximize their earnings is such a shitty nothing phrase isn't it.

Exactly the point I’m trying to get at. Seems like we are the only ones trying to offer practical solutions for OP and partner to try and be self reliant when everyone is saying “just use the food bank for however long you need”.

However what if like this poster just mentioned the food bank decides they don’t qualify or there is no food left what’s the plan then?

There are other hours in the week that won’t impact the partner from working and NOTHING will have to be paid in childcare as the mother will already be there.

Not wanting to do that because they think it’s unfair or life is hard and they shouldn’t have to work extra hours is totally their choice. Just what’s the plan if the food bank stops?

You're still ignoring the fact op is unwell and needs her husband to look after the children when she finishes work.

And nobody has said they don't want to do it because it's unfair or life is hard. That's your shitty, judgy opinion.

£52 a week for people who can’t feed their children will be life changing and will enable them to be less reliant on food bank help that can stop at any moment.

The childcare isn’t relevant in this because the father could work at a time it doesn’t impact childcare as the mother would be there.

So it would still be beneficial to work more hours

Still. Ignoring. The. Facts

That's fine if they are both 100% fit and well but they aren't, the OP is doing her best but she needs support. Hours he works, hours she works, travel to and from work, caring for kids, eating, sleeping. There are only so many hours.

@Pink39tree but the op is ill and needs her husband there in the evening to look after the children. So he can’t just work in the evening.