I cried in front of my manager

[souleyes]

Over teams about my performance evaluation. He said he could see I was upset and did I have anything else to add. I said no (wiping away my tears) and he said ok speak later and left the call.

I wasn’t hysterical, but upset enough for physical tears. We didn’t speak later and he didn’t even send a message to check I was ok.

Am I expecting too much from a manager? I’m not expecting him to drop everything and hold my hand. Just some empathy, not literally hanging up on me.

Oh sod off 😆😆 are you seriously suggesting people should teach their kids not to cry or feel sad or disappointed? Wtf is wrong with you all?

You’re completely missing the pp’s point. They’re not saying teach your children not to cry. They’re saying support your children to develop resilience.

Do you often have issues with comprehension? You might want to work on that.

I would imagine if people are less resilient these days it's because things have been economically shit for at least 15 years. The 90s are a long way away.

Possibly. I think things like Instagram set young people up to have unrealistic expectations from life as well.

Exactly 😂😂😂

This ^^. I'm en employer. In recent years I've had too many people who seemed to think I was their mum and that their performance didn't really matter.

Things have always been economically shit for a lot of people. I graduated in the early 80s, into a recession. I lived in grim bedsits and couldn't afford heating. That's how it's always been for those starting out.

I was having a conversation about this with my daughter. She’s the partner responsible for recruitment and training of employees, in a large company. She said that over the past few years she’s noticed more and more expectations of hand holding/have you prepared for your exam/ etc. We concluded that lockdown has stalled young people’s development in some ways.

You sound you're about the begin the Four Yorkshiremen sketch.

Yes, there have always been poor people. But someone 30 years did not face the same financial obstacle to buying a house as someone today.

Some things never change, but some do. The housing crisis is in the latter column. It's not a 'well it was tough back then too' situation, it's a 'the prices versus wages ratio is categorically different' situation.

We’re all different but I would say that crying at work at all is unusual. I’ve lost a parent and managed not to cry at work. If I had become upset I would have much preferred my boss to gloss over it and ignore rather than bring it up again. That’s not to say that I’m right and you are wrong, but different people want to be treated in different ways so it would be difficult for your boss to know what the ‘right’ thing is.

I would try and look at what exactly is making you cry and try and deal with that. This may be a little unkind but it’s not really an appropriate response for the workplace, unless there is more going on than you have disclosed.

I agree

In my workplace, monitoring well-being was certainly in a line-managers JD.

I’ve seen two women sob and thump the desk on different occasions at work. I think crying at work is pretty normal.
I voted YABU though, partly because I don’t see crying as a big deal so why should he check you’re ok. It might also seem insincere on his part. You aren’t happy with his decision. He can’t make it ok without appearing to have been manipulated.

I'm a female manager and I really dislike women getting emotional at work. I experience it as manipulative, and unprofessional. If you can't control your emotions, you should leave until you can continue in a professional way. If your high emotions are because you're unhappy with how your treated, make a formal complaint and explain your case, or find another job.

you're not your

Crying at work is undignified and unprofessional. Once in a lifetime would be too often, never mind twice in a year.

The organisation doesn't seem to value you as an employee, possibly due to poor performance or you not fitting in with the corporate dynamic. Presumably, your manager has told you what the problem is and that is why you cried.

If that is the case, what can he do? If you want him to reverse a decision or back-pedal on criticism of your performance, because he "made you cry", you are going to be disappointed.

He could express sympathy that you are upset, but that isn't going to help much in the long-term. If he feels you are using your tears as a weapon, he is more likely to be unsympathetic.

From the limited information you have provided, I suspect they are trying to get rid of you. If that is the case, it is obviously not the right job for you and your situation will become more difficult (and the occasions when you feel like crying more common) until you are forced to leave.

If you feel you are being treated unfairly or discriminated against, you could seek legal advice.

Otherwise, think your best course of action is to start looking for job that is right for you, where you can do a good job, fit in and be happy. They you can resign with your dignity intact and move on.

And resolve not to cry in front of your new employer.

Good luck.

That really is quite a lot, I would definitely have marked you down as somebody prone to crying. Most people do not cry at work and certainly not very few months.

Like @Summerfun54321 I think crying twice a year at work is a lot -I can't remember the last time I cried at work or saw a colleague do so, or even be close, and I've been working for decades.

I said no because it was at the point that if I spoke then it would have lead to the ugly crying where you can’t even speak

Which is very possibly why he hasn't come back to you.

He doesn't know what to say, and is also afraid that he will upset you further.

I thin it's probably the right tactic of your manager not to follow this up. Because you didnt have anything to add at the time and you don't want to say on here why you cried. It might be helpful even if you could say it wasnt actually the meeting itself that upset you but it was general day to day life whiich has been hard recently. And that's why you might have been easily upset at criticism.

I agree - two times in a year is a lot in a workplace. I have someone who is prone to crying whenever someone disagrees with them or provides feedback and my main challenge as a manager (other than having to rope in the HR before ANY conversation with them) is to convince other people to collaborate with this person. Other employees complain that their behaviour is making them feel uncomfortable and stressed...and I honestly can't say I blame them.

I understand that this is not necessarily your situation but please be careful not to create that kind of reputation for yourself.

Actually it is you who is coming across as a bit of a bitch, and it's questionable about your skills in understanding and communicating with people. You are coming to rash judgements about people you have never met, based on next to no information from a single biased viewpoint and without any context. You have decided that a manager is not fit to manage purely because one person decided that he should have acted in a particular way without any real information or understanding. As a manager I often come across such situations when someone comes to me with their version of some events, and the thing I do not do is leap to conclusions based on one side of the story. Things are seldom that simple, and I usually have far more information to go on than we have here, and I usually know all the people involved well too!

I would also have to say that I have six decades of being alive and four of those decades working extensively with people and as a manager for most of that time. And if you have never met people who can control their crying and can manage to cry at the drop of a hat to manipulate others, then you don't have much world experience, because I have - and I am not including the average toddler (or around that age), the vast majority of whom appear to have the ability to have a complete meltdown with tears and tantrums if they cannot have their own way on any issue whatsoever. Some few people never grow out of that skill - or don't want to. And I have certainly come across it in the workplace, with some few women who cry in order to get their own way. Not the majority - the majority of women would prefer to have their eyeballs plucked out than cry in work. But that doesn't mean it is all that rare either. I have certainly come across it in several people.

Surely it depends on the job
I couldn't count how many times I had cried at one job but it was normal for there because of what we were dealing with

Oh god, yawn. What a load of absolute waffle.

Also, I've said this before but very few people care if some random on mn thinks they're a 'bitch' or whatever other silly, school playgroup type insult you throw at them.