I cried in front of my manager

[souleyes]

Over teams about my performance evaluation. He said he could see I was upset and did I have anything else to add. I said no (wiping away my tears) and he said ok speak later and left the call.

I wasn’t hysterical, but upset enough for physical tears. We didn’t speak later and he didn’t even send a message to check I was ok.

Am I expecting too much from a manager? I’m not expecting him to drop everything and hold my hand. Just some empathy, not literally hanging up on me.

THANK YOU!!
I’m with you 100%
Absolutely vile x

Context. Why were you upset? What made you cry?? It's very relevant.

You're manager is responsible for your wellbeing and shouldn't have just hung up

Op said she didn’t want to talk about it. It would have been inappropriate to keep pushing the conversation.

I generally dont cry and I've never felt the need to cry at work but I don't get why so many people have an issue with people that do. Why do they feel so awkward about it? I get that it can be a bit awkward but it's not a big deal.
I hope the people who struggle with people crying have an equal aversion to people who are moody or people who show their anger.
Its weird that some posters are unable to understand that just because they aren't criers that people that do must be unprofessional and crying by choice.

I cry at my manager regularly but she's fab about it - mind you, she should be as we're HR and people cry at us both...

I'm sorry yours is a dick.

That is because you are a good manager. Good managers should check in with their staff if they know they have been upset.

Im retired now, but Id cried at my manager and had people cry to me that I managed. I was senior civil service ! Lol Sometimes emotions take over.

He sounds inexperienced and not able to deal with a women crying and just run for the hills. He should have checked up on you. If you were showing signs of stress a gentle suggestion of an occupational health referral.

Ignore the vile non understanding posters on here. They have clearly not managed or understand HR policies and procedures.

Hope you are feeling a bit better now OP x

I have never ever in my 20 years of line management NOT checked in with a staff member who has been distressed. Never. Ever

Op please don't worry about getting upset, if it was me I would see it as a sign that you care about doing your best. They may not have known how to act it's not a personality trait in everyone to understand emotions. It is more of a trait in people who do get emotional hence why you are questioning it.

Getting upset over evaluation can be because you set yourself extreme high standards and you have black and white thinking when it comes to failure. You are purely focussing on the negative causing this outburst.
Stop looking at the negatives as criticism and look at them as areas for development that is literally all they are, it's what evaluations are for, it can be changed.
Then take note of the positive as turn them into affirmations it will be good for your self esteem.

Also work on your confidence and look for a new job if you aren't earning enough, this is how people end up with high salary they switch job often. Every few years.
If salary are low in your sector then look outside the sector where your experience and skills are transferable.
Having low income, not eating well is probably also contributing to emotions right now also.
Break the pattern.

Why haven't you said what upset? You don't sound a particularly nice person. You sound precious.

Jeez, you are awful.

I welled up infront of my manager, l felt mortified. He passed on a criticism from a client l thought l had rapport with. Then l remembered that a colleague had been in on the meeting and the criticism most likely came from them. Then l felt hurt all over again.
I felt it deeply because l knew ld done all l could with the client and the colleague had revealed what ld felt all along. That she felt threatened.
Anyway, l addressed it within the hour and he said ' no need to apologise- virtually every member of staff has done it at some point'
Not sure if that's just really toxic 😄😭🙃

Er no, that's exactly what a good manager is supposed to do.
Sorry you've obviously not experienced good managers yet.

Bet you never realised how carp some managers are. I didn't until I was on the receiving end of some particularly rubbish ones. Good managers are often taken for granted, I applaud you.

Without knowing why you were crying it’s difficult to know how he should have reacted. Maybe you were being overly precious as someone suggested. Maybe you were completely justified. Who knows.? From the way your posts are written you sound as if you feel hard done by. You don’t feel your manager is very good. He should have done x and not y. You cry in your appraisal but won’t say why. You are financially struggling - is that relevant to your post maybe? Were you crying because you can’t afford to live and this came out in your appraisal?? If so yes I would have expected a manager to be sympathetic and check in on you. Though they’re not obliged to. I don’t think ending the appraisal was inappropriate. You said you were about to “ugly cry” and perhaps he was saving you from that. But if you were crying because he’s told you your work isn’t up to standard then I would have expected you to (a) already be aware of this and (b) deal with this professionally. And you said this is the second time you’ve cried in front of him. I suspect he feels awkward and you’re quite a needy employee. That’s what I get from your posts, but I may be wrong.

I cried in an all staff meeting the other day. In fairness, other people had voiced unhappiness with something being announced but I was the only one who cried.
My line manager, his manager and head of HR all contacted me afterwards to ask if I'm okay, which was appreciated.
Head of HR has requested a meeting with me to discuss my concerns further. I'm actually scared I'm in trouble though and worried I over reacted. I think everyone has the fear that if they show emotions at work, it affects their progression etc.

I think good management involves concern towards staff well being. Not in an invasive way but a small word/ email at a later date checking whether a member of staff is struggling with anything generally is important. If for no other reason than work performance being affected

Exactly! It won’t be good management if he doesn’t come back to you. Even briefly.

Your feelings are real, whatever the reason. He seems to be very lacking in empathy and not following up with you is not acceptable. Can you speak with someone in HR? Sorry you've gone through this. Sending you a hug.

He said "speak later" so surely he should have contacted the OP to find out what exactly she was upset about and talk it through?

Some of the remarks on here are quite presumptuous I think. We do not know the OP, her situation, her general emotional state or what she was upset about. To call her "overly precious" is not helpful.

As a team manager the structure of these conversations is key. You really have to balance the facts with the human aspect. The conversation needs to be explicit about any underperformance but should end with a focus on moving forward, including any specific support you may need to achieve XYZ.

I have always said "I can see this is upsetting for you, and that isn't my intention. How about you take some time to reflect on what we've covered and we'll talk tomorrow". Whether or not I would then message someone afterward would really depend on the context. If someone is upset because they care and are disappointed, I would message to say don't dwell on what's passed, tomorrow we'll focus on putting a plan in place that gets you where you need to be, etc.

Was the performance eval a shock to you, or were you kind of expecting it?

If someone is upset because they care

This is an important point - because some people cry because they fear they'll lose their source of income, not because they care about doing a good job. If they could do a bad job and still be 'safe' they may not cry. But usually those discussions end with a termination of contract.