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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find the suburbs a bit depressing?

238 replies

StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 14:09

I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I really do always feel depressed when I visit city suburbs that friends and family live in, and they’re spread around the country so I can’t even say it’s one particular place.

We visited some friends at the weekend who have recently moved to the suburbs of a medium sized city. Honestly, after 2 days I felt so depressed, yes the weather wasn’t great which doesn’t help as nowhere looks great in grey, gloomy weather but, as usual, it was just rows and rows and rows of almost identikit housing, interspersed with the odd kebab shop, Tesco express and laundrette.

We took their dog for a walk in their local park on the Saturday, it was heaving, dogs and kids everywhere, we witnessed a fight between 2 dogs and then their owners (though that wasn’t physical thank god) I’m not surprised to be honest as there was just no space for people or dogs to get away from one another. It just felt so busy and oppressive.

The traffic was so heavy all day and night, going in and out of the city. We went out into the city on the Saturday night and had to get taxis anyway as they’re nearly 3 miles out of the city and too cold to walk there and back in the eve.

The house prices in those suburbs are pretty extortionate and friends were sort of bragging that they now live in the area, I made all the right noises as horses for courses, but I just kept thinking how is this worth all that money, everyone on top of each other, no nice scenery or culture and putting up with the traffic and poor air quality and the same 2.4 children, SUV type set up everywhere!

I said to DH on the way home, I feel depressed and he joked ‘you always do when we go to suburbia’ and he’s right. Does anyone else feel that way 😳

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 07/03/2023 14:36

I love my suburb. A calm washes over me every time I return. Many might class it as rural though given the density as the houses are spread out and nothing is within walking distance.. It is still suburbia though with cookie cutter houses and manicured grass . It is so quiet and peaceful away from the chaos of the city. I used to live right in the middle of things and at the time I loved it, but now I can’t sleep when I visit because of the noise.

CalmDownBoris72 · 07/03/2023 14:36

Love my London suburb, lovely high street with a few chains and plenty of independent coffee shops. Great transport links, bus, overground and tube. Close to a couple of royal parks, schools are great and less busy than being in ‘town’.

It definitely depends on the suburb!

GrumpyBarsteward · 07/03/2023 14:37

But it just totally depends! We live in the suburb of a northern city. Can be in the city centre in 10-15 mins taxi, 30 mins bus. But our suburb has loads of small quirky local businesses, a massive local park, woods, a really good GP and dental practice...for me, perfect balance. I don't relate to the OP at all. Because not all suburbs are the same.

KimberleyClark · 07/03/2023 14:41

I love my suburb. 1930s semis. I like the fact that if you jumped back 50 years it wouldn’t look much different apart from the cars.

Where do you live OP

Custardbanana · 07/03/2023 14:42

DH and I are deciding to move and he wants to do boring town suburb semi and I want exciting city town house. We can't agree on a compromise yet.

Spottyheadband · 07/03/2023 14:43

You've just described the outskirts of Exeter perfectly!

Somethingsnappy · 07/03/2023 14:47

I definitely agree with you op, in the sense that suburbs as you describe them are utterly depressing to me too. Even as a child I couldn't stand them. But I guess there are good ones and bad ones! I couldn't live in a city these days either, to be fair, although I enjoyed it in my twenties. I'm on the rural edge of a small town now, and love it. I can walk into the town centre in 25 minutes, but I have farmland opposite my house.

Pootleplum · 07/03/2023 14:50

Me too. I grew up in suburbs and always found it narrow and depressing. I'm 25 years in to city living now and feel inspired and grateful every day.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 07/03/2023 14:52

YANBU

Stood by the bus stop with a felt pen
In this suburban hell
And in the distance, a police car
To break the suburban spell

GasPanic · 07/03/2023 14:56

So city you've got the crime, noise, pollution, parking problems.

Countryside you've got the stench, insular neighborhood, boredom, and lack of basic facilities like mains gas and sewers and interesting stuff to do.

Suburbia sits half way between those two points.

Spottyheadband · 07/03/2023 14:56

Pootleplum · 07/03/2023 14:50

Me too. I grew up in suburbs and always found it narrow and depressing. I'm 25 years in to city living now and feel inspired and grateful every day.

That's exactly how I want to feel everyday!

Where do you live?

SnowAndFrostOutside · 07/03/2023 14:57

Just to add about the deer, I live in a 90s housing estate with identikit houses and we also have deers. Don't have hills and fields, we have lakes and woods. Suburbia has green spaces too and many were built around existing woods or parks. It's always got a bad reputation doesn't it? It's popular because you get a little piece of garden near a bigger city.

SallyWD · 07/03/2023 15:02

We have friends who always choose to live in suburbs. These always seem to be well to do, modern, housing estates that are stuck on the edge of a town - but bloody miles from the town, if you know what I mean. So they have to drive in to the town, drive to a shop, drive to school, drive to work. There's NOTHING in these places apart from housing estates. They always seem to be close to busy motorways too which make these areas even more unpleasant.
I suppose we live in a suburb of a big city too but it's completely different because our suburb used to be a little village and it gradually became part of the city. Our area has shops and cafes, pubs and restaurants, pleasant parks. We can stroll to the shops, walk to school etc. These types of suburbs are good! But I hate the suburbs that are just modern housing estates stuck next to a motorway.

SavBlancTonight · 07/03/2023 15:03

It's perfectly okay not to want to live in a suburb. I do find myself getting a bit "itchy" when people make generally negative statements about entire areas/populations etc simply because it's not for them. It's fine not to want to live in a certain area. It's not okay to be judgemental of people who do or the areas they live in.

Like you, I don't particularly like most suburbs abut I completely understand why lots of people choose them because they can get all the benefits of the city but live in larger/nicer homes. Good for them.

I live in Surrey becuase I wanted to be close enough to London but wanted a lot more space and I like the little villages etc. I totally get that a lot of people would rather push hot pokers into their eyes.

I have friends who have moved to the country and have the big garden, an outside gym, a swimming pool and a huge vegetable garden. They are super happy. But they have to plan their shopping/days out/ meals out in advance as it's too far to do anything spontaneously. Doesn't work for me.

It really is each to their own.

KingandIfan · 07/03/2023 15:20

I used to live in a Zone 3 London suburb with Victorian housing. It was an easy commute to central London for work or nightlife and had plenty of shops, bars, restaurants, parks etc. close by. I now live in a Zone 5 London suburb with 1930s housing. It is a longer commute but still in walking distance of a pleasant High Street with chains, independents, restaurants etc. but also in walking distance of woods and fields.
I would always want to live in a suburb.

MintJulia · 07/03/2023 15:20

I do. Towns and cities usually have character and a sense of community. Those endless 1950s suburbs are a bit dull in comparison.

But I'm sure some people like them as they are very convenient.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/03/2023 15:23

I'm not sure what classes as a suburb these days. We live in a commuter town 40 miles from London. Yes there is lots of 1930's housing , our house is a 1930s semi.

But we have coastal walks , countryside walks , a few parks , boutique shops plus larger supermarkets and lots of restaurants and bars all within a short walk of our house. We rarely have to use our car.

My sister lives in Blackheath - that seems like it would be described as a suburb and it's lovely with lots of lovely walks ( we walked for miles when we stayed with her ) and nice shops and restaurants.

I'm dying to know where OP lives!

LlynTegid · 07/03/2023 15:25

I live in a suburb and love it.

Mind you, it's not in south London.

LocationLocationLocomotion · 07/03/2023 15:26

Well, yes if it’s one of those grey, depressing places off a dual carriageway or with loads of industrial estates around but I also find city centres depressing.

LocationLocationLocomotion · 07/03/2023 15:27

SallyWD · 07/03/2023 15:02

We have friends who always choose to live in suburbs. These always seem to be well to do, modern, housing estates that are stuck on the edge of a town - but bloody miles from the town, if you know what I mean. So they have to drive in to the town, drive to a shop, drive to school, drive to work. There's NOTHING in these places apart from housing estates. They always seem to be close to busy motorways too which make these areas even more unpleasant.
I suppose we live in a suburb of a big city too but it's completely different because our suburb used to be a little village and it gradually became part of the city. Our area has shops and cafes, pubs and restaurants, pleasant parks. We can stroll to the shops, walk to school etc. These types of suburbs are good! But I hate the suburbs that are just modern housing estates stuck next to a motorway.

I agree

EightChalk · 07/03/2023 15:36

I think it depends a lot on whether there are shops and things to do. The kind that are just endless streets of houses where you have to drive everywhere are depressing. Overall I'd rather be in the middle of a city, or even in the middle of the countryside where it would at least be beautiful, than in one of those suburbs which is just houses broken up by the odd little park.

Spottyheadband · 07/03/2023 15:38

When I think of suburbs I think of the Dursley house in Harry Potter

neilyoungismyhero · 07/03/2023 15:39

Mmmm...you sound a tad snooty..a lot of people including myself are happy and grateful to be living in the burbs. Two minutes across the bottom of my road and there's 3 huge water meadows plus a river meandering through. 4 minute walk and there's a canal with narrow boats poodling along. Another minute gives us out of town shopping supermarket etc.
It's safe and clean and the neighbours are lovely.
I've lived in the big country house and small ones and I love the suburbs. Each to their own needs.

daffodilday · 07/03/2023 15:39

We live in the suburbs of a vibrant city but I am counting down the days till we can sell up and buy a tiny flat in zone 1 or 2. It’s the people of suburbs that depress me and I’m terrified to turn into one of them 😅

TheBerry · 07/03/2023 15:41

Completely agree, I’ve never been to a suburb I didn’t find soulless and depressing.

Not knocking anyone who lives in one, as plenty of my friends and family do, I just personally wouldn’t want to given the choice. For the same money I’d rather have a smaller home in a more “authentic” (sorry can’t think of another word) area, be that a city flat, a townhouse, or somewhere in the country.