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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find the suburbs a bit depressing?

238 replies

StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 14:09

I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I really do always feel depressed when I visit city suburbs that friends and family live in, and they’re spread around the country so I can’t even say it’s one particular place.

We visited some friends at the weekend who have recently moved to the suburbs of a medium sized city. Honestly, after 2 days I felt so depressed, yes the weather wasn’t great which doesn’t help as nowhere looks great in grey, gloomy weather but, as usual, it was just rows and rows and rows of almost identikit housing, interspersed with the odd kebab shop, Tesco express and laundrette.

We took their dog for a walk in their local park on the Saturday, it was heaving, dogs and kids everywhere, we witnessed a fight between 2 dogs and then their owners (though that wasn’t physical thank god) I’m not surprised to be honest as there was just no space for people or dogs to get away from one another. It just felt so busy and oppressive.

The traffic was so heavy all day and night, going in and out of the city. We went out into the city on the Saturday night and had to get taxis anyway as they’re nearly 3 miles out of the city and too cold to walk there and back in the eve.

The house prices in those suburbs are pretty extortionate and friends were sort of bragging that they now live in the area, I made all the right noises as horses for courses, but I just kept thinking how is this worth all that money, everyone on top of each other, no nice scenery or culture and putting up with the traffic and poor air quality and the same 2.4 children, SUV type set up everywhere!

I said to DH on the way home, I feel depressed and he joked ‘you always do when we go to suburbia’ and he’s right. Does anyone else feel that way 😳

OP posts:
TheOGCCL · 08/03/2023 07:29

I agree with you OP (as someone who lives in a city centre) but I think it’s hard to judge an area when you don’t live there as oftentimes people will have friends and family and a school community so it’s much more than just a dull conurbation to them. It also tends to be more affordable in terms of getting the space needed for a family and now there’s often less commuting. It’s not for me though.

lieselotte · 08/03/2023 08:39

New builds are fine, when they are small developments. You get houses more suited to modern living (eg enough plugs!) and a downstairs loo and the like are standard.

I don't like big estates though, especially when they only have one way in and out of them, and you need a car to get to anywhere easily. And the gardens are tiny in proportion to the house. That doesn't bother me, as I am not a gardener, but it's not very sensible when a family is buying a 4 bed house and the garden is a postage stamp.

KimberleyClark · 08/03/2023 08:52

I also dislike huge sprawling estates with no amenities within walking distance, if that is what is meant by suburbs.

garlictwist · 08/03/2023 09:46

I grew up in a suburban housing estate and hated it. Yes, it was fine as a kid as I could play out on my bike etc but after that it was just so drab, nowhere to go, nothing ever happened.

I now live very close to the city centre and love it. Everything's on my doorstep and there is still plenty of green space. My house backs on to woods and is on the top of a big hill so lots of views. Yes, it's a bit tatty but I'd prefer that to neatly mowed lawns and people who have an aneurism if the bin's not out on the right day.

Crikeyalmighty · 08/03/2023 09:58

@mixedrecycling ah my lovely city. Love a Georgian crescent!! We live on edge of it but can be in town in 6 minutes (bus every 5 minutes) and yet have fantastic parkland within 2 minutes with sheep. One reason I like it is lots of facilities and green space , but very few sprawling new estates as there is no room to do so and most people live within 2 miles of town - there are some excellent suburbs though out there that I've lived in over the years. West Bridgford in nottingham is one, summertown in Oxford is another, Henleaze in Bristol was quite nice as well - although a bit of a fag to get into town

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/03/2023 10:00

Know what you mean. Much prefer a city centre.

JADS · 08/03/2023 10:05

Walked from Harborne into the centre of Birmingham at 41 weeks pregnant! I wouldn't even describe it as a suburb. We had loads of good things on our doorstep. Very fond memories of living there.

(Now live in Zone 5/6 and I would say that is the Suburbs, it's great. No way could I live in a tiny village or a sad town by the sea)

Middleagedspreadisreal · 08/03/2023 18:08

Each to their own. Some people are homeless. Do you judge them too?

anon666 · 08/03/2023 18:14

So convenient though. I don't mind the aesthetics because of convenience but I live in a beautiful Victorian semi, walking distance from a pharmacy, corner shop, two lovely parks, cafés, Tesco express, three churches, two gyms, lots of childcare and so on. Plus a bus stop at the end of the road with a bus every 7 mins to a mainline tube station. Etc.

FWIW I think a lot of suburbs suffer from ugly development like lots of different types of PVC double glazing and rows of fast food outlets. Also derelict buildings and general neglect.

It's a failure of planning laws in my opinion, considering how much money has been made on property in the past 50 years, you'd think we could have achieved a better aesthetic outcome for everyone.

Instead we have a system where speculation and urban degeneration has been rewarded by profits. Our tax laws are some of the only ones in the world that allow someone to sit on an asset like land and infinitum paying no ownership privileges. There are no rules on paint colours and styles like they have elsewhere.

I'd tax the ownership of land and property rather than just on its sale/purchase. Then watch vacant property move hands out of absentee landlords..... And money laundering oil billionaires......

Then give residents and local wards/parishes more control over development in their area.

AnnieSnap · 08/03/2023 18:41

I really like my suburb. It’s peaceful (most of the time) and the neighbours are friendly with each other, so there is support should someone need it. There hasn’t been a burglary for well over 20 years and no one gets there car nicked!

As to your AIBU, if you believe they shouldn’t exist, then yes, of course. If it’s not to want to live in a suburb, of course not. AIBU seems a bit OTT for this issue.

artsperson · 08/03/2023 19:05

I live in green and leafy suburbia with attractive Victorian and Edwardian houses, and some blocks of decent flatslarge parks nearby. It's a 10 minute walk to a train station, a few minutes walk to a bus service into town. A 30 minutes walk takes me to open countryside in one direction or 50 minutes walk to the sea. Obviously much faster by bus if I'm in a hurry. 10 minutes takes me to a tennis club, a decent fitness centre, a friendly pub, there's parades of local shops and churches. 30 minute walk to a cinema, 10 minutes by bus. Car parking on road is easy, permits, it's not full of multi occupancy houses, there's very little litter, no tags, people are polite. It all feels quite spacious and airy.
Gardens are full of spring flowers and soon the blossom will be out. Not everyone's cup of tea and I love the buzz of the city but my suburbia suits me.

maddening · 08/03/2023 19:15

I live on a housing estate in a village and don't recognise the picture you have painted.

FootieMama · 08/03/2023 20:00

I live in the suburbs. Two minutes from my door I have woodlands great for walking, 15 minutes I have train station to get into town. There is a theatre, several cinemas, even a couple of pubs with live music. I love the city but life here isn't bad and the schools are better and we can afford a bigger house. But it took me a while to adapt because I used to live in a very busy, vibrant area so initially it felt very boring. But there is things to do if you look for it

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/03/2023 20:03

I really don't know what you're asking Confused

Are you some sort of empath type for getting depressed in the suburbs and alive elsewhere? Dunno but I'd roll my eyes if you were my friend.

crazylegscrain · 08/03/2023 20:37

I used to live in London. When house hunting, explored the suburbs but ended up going further away and settling in a small town.

I know what you mean about rows and rows of houses. No amenities. Traffic. Crappy over crowded/slow trains

All the downsides of city life and none of the benefits

BlondieLady · 08/03/2023 22:04

DashboardConfessional · 07/03/2023 14:12

Right... where do you live? I can't work out if you hate it because you live in a trendy London loft or a farmhouse in West Wales.

This!

Endlesssummer2022 · 08/03/2023 22:28

‘For me the worst is the Home Counties and commuter towns/cities around London, they feel so self conscious and like everyone is trying to make it buzzy/homely but you can tell it’s one big act.’

Yes I agree. There’s are parts of Hertfordshire and Buckinghamshire that are supposed to be nice but every time I’ve been they feel soulless and a bit depressing.

Original poster
StripeyNighty · 08/03/2023 22:36

maddening · 08/03/2023 19:15

I live on a housing estate in a village and don't recognise the picture you have painted.

A housing estate in a village isn’t a suburb though is it 🙄

The clue is in the name…sub-urban!

OP posts:
Birthday552 · 09/03/2023 00:11

OP- my mum is the same. She’s always hated the suburbs. They depress her. She’s lived rurally / centrally in cities and suburbs too in Nottingham and Cheshire and they’ve always depressed her. You’re not alone!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 09/03/2023 09:01

Nonsense

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 09/03/2023 09:07

It’s finding where you fit surely. One suburb is your idea of hell, for others they fit and it’s home. It’s like any town/city even hamlet. It’s where you feel at home.

CloudPop · 09/03/2023 09:27

What does semi-rural actually mean, can someone give me an example of a semi-rural place ?

Crikeyalmighty · 09/03/2023 11:50

@CloudPop I would say somewhere like Corsham is semi rural- very large village/small town with facilities but countryside on all sides.

Grumpafrump · 09/03/2023 12:26

I wish people would quit framing suburb hatred as purely a self-congratulatory matter of taste and recognize it for the class snobbery it is. It’s widely acknowledged that living in the suburbs is not as desirable as living in the middle of a vibrant city centre or a rural chocolate box village; it doesn’t take a genius to work out that either of the latter options is nicer. I don’t know anyone who would personally opt to live in an ugly, overcrowded culture desert if they had much of a choice. People live in suburbs because they need more space for their families than they can afford in the city centre or nearby attractive but expensive village, but they also need to be nearish to their workplace and amenities so that they actually have time to see their families. It’s a default choice that’s sort of made for them by family considerations and constraints with time and finance. Let’s not pretend that everyone who lives there actually thinks it is the nicest of all the housing options available.

We live rurally in an area that is close enough to the city for DH to cycle to work, which is ideal for us. However, we would never have been able to afford to live here when our children were very young and we were just starting out. This sort of rural-but-close-to-amenities living comes with a very high housing price tag. We worked our way up the property ladder to escape the suburbs.

lieselotte · 09/03/2023 12:37

It’s widely acknowledged that living in the suburbs is not as desirable as living in the middle of a vibrant city centre or a rural chocolate box village

Not sure a village is that desirable. Out in the sticks, few amenities, a bus a week if you are lucky and you have to drive everywhere. I'd rather live in a pleasant market town, or even a boring commuter town.