Why are people so bothered by what my son wears?

[WindowGazers]

My son is 4yo and I let him choose his clothes in the morning. Most days consists of some brightly coloured trousers, probably a mis matching top, and he loves to put tutus over everything. He always looks great and is so confident in whatever outfit he wears.

I'm very introverted personality wise but also choose to wear very extroverted clothing. I don't care what people think about what I wear, but people have started saying in front of me and me son 'aren't you worried that he looks like a girl' or saying directly to him 'interesting choice of clothing you've got there'.

It drives me slightly mad as they're just clothes and he's happy. A dad on the nursery run asked me if I was raising him trans (he was literally wearing black trousers, a hulk top and a red tutu over the top) in front of him!

Am I supposed to just dress him in blue and black or AIBU in thinking that I should be encouraging to wear what he's comfortable in? Also funny how his friends love his clothes (and him!) and it's just the adults who seem to find them out of the ordinary.

I was raised by very extroverted parents who let me wear the most bizarre outfits, but I loved it and I've now turned into an adult who adores alternative fashion. I'm so glad they supported me rather than trying to push me into a box. Opinions?

Its entirely up to you how you allow your son to dress. However its pointless to ignore that fact that clothing gives messages, and that people will read those and make judgements, sometimes those judgements will critical or negative. Sometimes people will be rude about you. If you are a child sometimes you will be teased or avoided by other children if you don't conform to the norms.
Things are changing with a lot more tolerance for individual expression but we're not yet in a place where a 4 year old boy in a tutu isnt going to attract interest. Knowing this, you choose. Either your son wears what he pleases and you and he accept the attention that brings, or he conforms more to the current norms in public and expresses himself through clothing at home.
Personally I dislike attracting attention so find it easier to conform.

oh yes, they are very middle, but so different from the plodding middles who don't let their male children wear tutus. So artistic. So liberal. So creative.

I always wonder where Jacob Rees-Mogg finds those tiny business suits for his younger brood.

I expect he has them tailored.

I’m not surprised by these attitudes.
I work in early years and when I was beginning my career in a nursery, a young boy picked the Cinderella costume to wear. When his dad walked in at pick up, he started effing and blinding at me saying I should be sacked for causing such offence. This was in 2006, I was flabbergasted and so upset. As I’ve continued to work in the profession, these opinions haven’t changed too much.
Ive often heard things such as “you’re too pretty to be wearing dinosaurs” and “boys shouldn’t have nail varnish”
I find it mind boggling that people are so outraged by kids clothes. It’s this close mindedness that keeps homophobia, sexism and many other derogatory views alive.

I was told when my DD was two and expert on her balance bike that I should "get him a bike with pedals" by a man. She was wearing dark joggers and a t-shirt.

Remember girls can't do sport wearing clothes that are suitable to do sport in.

🙄

The thing I found interesting re. Clothes is how people treat them.

dc in a dress in the park- ooh be careful up there, mind the little girl jimmy, be careful not to push her, do you need help getting down, where’s your mum…

dc in jeans and a hoodie in the park- ooh look at you up there, aren’t you a good climber, mind the little boy suzie, don’t get in his way, he’s climbing right to the top!

Years ago I needed gloves for my 3yo son on a cold day, was at Waterloo station and had packed inadequately. The assistant in Accessorize said they had kids’ gloves ‘but only in pink’, shaking her head as if that meant I couldn’t buy them, and was surprised when I did (who would choose to leave their child cold?! Besides, he loved them and wore them until they fell apart).
People are daft sometimes.

Why not? My 3yo lives in a tutu, she also climbs trees wearing said tutu. I draw the line at dangerous (no tutus around the fire) but otherwise it's not the end of the world if they wear tutus regardless of sex, surely?

My two kids, 3 and 6 (both girls) have a selection of clothes, a lot of colourful plain bits and a lot of 'normal' bits that fit their sensory needs (no jeans but jeggings type thing) along with a collection of charity shop clothes because I can't afford to buy as many clothes as SEN 6yo gets through, and they often have a very strong opinion as to what they want to wear. My eldest loves clashing patterns together if she has to put day-clothes on and my youngest wears a dress and/or tutu all of the time with leggings and tee underneath. Both have had their own clothes preferences since they were toddlers.

I live in a slightly shitty house, slightly shitty area, am on universal credit which just about pays for everything, my parents didn't make much money and we had to live in a caravan trailer for 8 months at one point because we had nowhere to live. I definitely don't fit into any of the categories you are describing.

Just as an aside I do find tutus a really weird choice of clothes. Where do you even buy one?

I wouldn't know if I'm 'cool' or not because I stopped referring to people by their 'coolness' when I was approx 15

Last year I was told my DD wouldn't want the football invites for her party by a woman in a card shop.

England women had just won the Euros!

My DD didn't like them because they were boring so we found other invites with dinosaurs from another shop which she gave out.

This is why I think we've gone backwards. Kids used to be able to be tomboys or a bit more girly, now they're trans.

Charity shops, or vinted. Though they do have them in places like h&m and river island but for more money than I am willing to spend

H&M - They sell out quickly.

Flying Tiger and supermarkets randomly have them in as well.

Honestly people aren’t bothered but you say he looks great - no offence but the style you’ve described would not look great to me and whether you like it or not is a sure fire way to attract attention to your son for the wrong reasons

Some of the comments you mention are not offensive but an acknowledgment

Would I let my school age child go out in a tutu? Absolutely not!!!

I don’t think anyone is bothered by that and neither am I.

Surprised anyone comments.

My son wore pink angel wings for weeks and no-one took any notice except to say stiff like "Bet he can be a little devil sometimes".

@ArcticSkewer or you can inherit them from friends' children when they grow out of them if they haven't fallen apart.

part of growing up is understanding that there are rules in place. For example my kid wanted to wear her new sequin glitter shoes to school… and it had to be a no from me. We had lots of tantrums today as she needed to wear school shoes.

plus some clothes are not practical. It’s freezing here and given the chance my kids would pick flimsy party dresses every day. Well no…. You can’t go climbing trees in winter in a party dress made for summer.

plus I like my kid to look smart. I hate mismatched clothes and think it looks a bit lazy. Or like you can’t say no to your kid. There are plenty of ways to express yourself with without looking like a bag of washing. Thing is these people think they are being original but there’s literally loads of them around. They tend to play with only wooden toys and judge others for “conforming” 🤣

Clothes are clothes, if its a suitable amount of 'coverage' (not a swimsuit at the restaurant eg) for the context it doesnt matter one bit. There will always be some (dinosaurs) who think that certain things are inappropriate for boys or girls etc. But social convention has and does shift. Clothes that a child finds fun or comfortable aren't really adults business, they are not mini adults and the past weight of expectation for kids to grow up fast (including the hyper sexualisation of children) is now fortunately seen as damaging. Anyone obsessing about it has far too much interest in a child's genitalia for me to be comfortable in their presence.

If you lived somewhere more artsy liberal with the artists and actors, you would be boringly normal in your clothes and not one person would comment on your child's outfit as it is absolutely par for the course and almost the 'uniform' of the male toddler.

I don't let DD wear costume bits to nursery on a non costume day (and we don't have an abundance of tutus anyway!) So I think the wearing a tutu so often is a little strange but would also find it strange if a girl wore one all the time too. The rest of his clothes are fine, I like letting DD pick out what to wear, sometimes she actually does pick things that go nicely! She is also 4
She does have a few clothes from boys section that she is happy wearing too (she chose them!), I've never had it suggested she looks like a boy when wearing them

must have missed that trend when my kids were young. So these are now basically sold on the highstreet as they are that mainstream? How disappointing for op.

my DS wore the brightest colours all thru childhood (his choice) He’s now 22 and still wears bold clothing, he gets told all the time he looks great and is often featured on night clubs social media.
I always say to him he’s a peacock proud of his feathers (clothes) some people are just so lucky to be so confident and bold and able to show it.
It’s other peoples problem not yours or your DD just ignore them

As long as he’s comfy and warm and dry and is able to run around it’s all good as far as I can see .