Why are people so bothered by what my son wears?

[WindowGazers]

My son is 4yo and I let him choose his clothes in the morning. Most days consists of some brightly coloured trousers, probably a mis matching top, and he loves to put tutus over everything. He always looks great and is so confident in whatever outfit he wears.

I'm very introverted personality wise but also choose to wear very extroverted clothing. I don't care what people think about what I wear, but people have started saying in front of me and me son 'aren't you worried that he looks like a girl' or saying directly to him 'interesting choice of clothing you've got there'.

It drives me slightly mad as they're just clothes and he's happy. A dad on the nursery run asked me if I was raising him trans (he was literally wearing black trousers, a hulk top and a red tutu over the top) in front of him!

Am I supposed to just dress him in blue and black or AIBU in thinking that I should be encouraging to wear what he's comfortable in? Also funny how his friends love his clothes (and him!) and it's just the adults who seem to find them out of the ordinary.

I was raised by very extroverted parents who let me wear the most bizarre outfits, but I loved it and I've now turned into an adult who adores alternative fashion. I'm so glad they supported me rather than trying to push me into a box. Opinions?

Myself plus plenty of my friends and acquaintence let or let their children wear mostly what they like pre-school age weather permitting, and outside school once they were school age.

Doesn't mean our children play exclusively with wooden toys. Most of my DD's toys are actually plastic hand me downs from other kids - of both sexes - who have outgrown them.

"often featured on night clubs social media"

🤣 brilliant

I have boy/girl twins and DS used to love to wear his sister's dresses and frilly knickers, and she wore his Superman outfit. FIL said wearing dresses would turn him gay . It didn't! DS also had a little waistcoat and tie which he loved. Nursery were always well impressed when he wore that!

Don't listen to them, OP. The girls in pink, boys in blue thing is deeply engrained but sensible people will try not to judge if dch want to wear the opposite gender clothes.

Meh
Its their problem, not yours OP

Thinking back now I recall a time, proably about the same age, when all my 3 DSs wore various High Heeled shoes of mine, a hair protector that fitted round the waist a la tutu, a neglige .. All of them are well rounded Men now.
Let your Boy carry on and sod the lookers and commenters.

My daughter never wore dresses or skirts - people would just assume because I dressed her in comfortable clothes she was a boy or have to mention something about her being a girl - she must like pink and dresses, or I was causing issues. At the age of 20 she will now occasionally wear a dress and make up etc but she comfy in joggers and a tshirt.

My second daughter arrived and she was the opposite pink and glittery all the way.

Both of them choose what they want and I just ignored the comments - usually due to lack of imagination or people stuck in gender role assumptions.

Oh I know this already (if you'd have read my previous post I actually stated myself that they're sold on the high street). Not disappointed in the slightest. But do carry on.

This is so sad. My little brother used to absolutely love dressing up in all sorts of different outfits as a child around our town. In his 30s, he's now a successful theatre actor (and still loves a wacky outfit! 🤣)

People are weird and you should ignore them.

DS wears fairy standard jeans/joggers and a T-shirt. He can pick whatever he likes but this tends to be what he goes for. His favourite tops at the moment are pink and blue tie dye (crafted by my own fair hands nonetheless). He got his trousers wet at nursery recently and when I picked him up he was wearing his sister’s floral jeans (he looked amazing in them actually) and I was a bit like ‘oh they’re not his’ (DH had packed them by accident) and they said ‘you’re such a snazzy dresser that we just assumed they were’ 😂 I’m tempted to buy him his own tbh!

I don't see that it matters particularly. In a few months time he'll be at school ad have to wear uniform. Some people think you should stear little boys away from tutus and dresses, but nurseries these days are very blaze about it. They almost always grow out of it. I think the current trans rows have made some parents sensitive about it again.

I find it interesting that without creative people there would be a lot less art/music/fashion for the basic people to consume.

They hate the creative person but love the product.

When I was a teen I was a punk-goth hybrid (!) and it wasn’t uncommon to be spat on/smoke blown in your face/food thrown at you by “townies” if you were alternative.

These are the same type of people who are now head to toe in tattoos and piercings because it’s now fashionable.

People have some really weird views about this IMO 🙈 DS (2) asked for a baby for Christmas and I thought all hell was going to break loose when he asked for it infront of MIL 😂 “you already bought him a play kitchen - you’re not actually going to get him a doll are you?! I don’t think you should be encouraging that kind of behaviour!” 😳 heaven forbid a boy should know about cooking or nurturing a child 🙄

I also had a run in with a woman at a local toddlers group who literally screamed “NO NO NO! That is NOT on! That’s the girls toys!” at an 18m old little boy who was chuffed that he’d managed to put on a flowery headband out of the dressing up toys 🙄

They’re children. There’s plenty of time for them to deal with all the shit that society has to throw at them! Just let them be young and carefree for a little while!

Tbf you've drawn your own arbitrary line in the sand there. Why would this be appropriate, but a swimsuit in a restaurant wouldn't be? Bits are still covered, and regardless, wouldn't any argument against that class as the sexualisation of children?

You know what, I'm not going to argue with you. You're clearly not a very nice person and I find that people who speak to others the way that you do usually aren't very happy or haven't had a particularly good life. You'll be back to tell me how wonderful your life is no doubt, but I'll wish you the best and shall continue to avoid people like you at the nursery gates.

I think stuff like this is fine in the house but I don't think its appropriate wear for nursery. He will be going to school in September and will have to wear a uniform. So he's gonna have to get used to it

I remember a mother commenting on my DS's clothes at nursery. The comment was that they were "dressed far too smartly for nursery" They were not wearing 3 piece suits just clean clothes and shoes that all co-ordinated. You can't win some people always comment.

How come you even had a tutu in your house?

I have 2 DCs and never owned a tutu.

Did you buy it for him?

My DS likes his nails painted sometimes. It's paint, not poison. His dad (ExH) doesn't like it but they're not his nails!

No he bought it himself

Interesting comment - I don’t know enough about child psychology to know when children establish a sense of self to express, through clothing, or any other means. However the OP doesn’t mention self-expression, only that her DS chooses his own clothes and seems to demonstrate strong preferences, as many children do. Why can’t those preferences come from themselves rather than parental influence?
My youngest always had clothing preferences from a very young age, I remember taking her to buy new wellies aged about 18-20 months, and her attempting several times to take the ones I’d chosen out of the basket and replace them with the less practical pair she preferred. I don’t imagine for a minute she was trying to ‘express herself’ through them but she sure as hell wasn’t expressing me.

You say that he always looks great. To be honest, it doesn't sound like he looks great from what you are describing he is wearing.
I'm assuming that you and your son like the attention which is fine as you are dressing for that but, then don't get upset when people look or comment!
I personally have never seen a child wear this type of outfit and then pop a tu-tu over the top of it so maybe i would have a glance.

Why are you 'baffled' by it?

I don't like the attention at all. I'm incredibly shy and introverted and just wear clothes that I like.

Wonder how OP will feel special when her son outgrows this? OP just to reiterate this get up doesn’t look great on anyone. It makes children look unkempt and dragged up in my opinion with everything a mismatch, ugh I hate it. People don’t think you are cool or letting him express himself, they think you dgaf enough to dress him for school. Or at least that’s what I think.

You know he wont be 4 always, and you know his friends arent going to be 4 always. You have given them a stick t beat him with in a few years time when they realise how odd it was for a at 4 year old boy to wear a tutu in public.