Why are people so bothered by what my son wears?

[WindowGazers]

My son is 4yo and I let him choose his clothes in the morning. Most days consists of some brightly coloured trousers, probably a mis matching top, and he loves to put tutus over everything. He always looks great and is so confident in whatever outfit he wears.

I'm very introverted personality wise but also choose to wear very extroverted clothing. I don't care what people think about what I wear, but people have started saying in front of me and me son 'aren't you worried that he looks like a girl' or saying directly to him 'interesting choice of clothing you've got there'.

It drives me slightly mad as they're just clothes and he's happy. A dad on the nursery run asked me if I was raising him trans (he was literally wearing black trousers, a hulk top and a red tutu over the top) in front of him!

Am I supposed to just dress him in blue and black or AIBU in thinking that I should be encouraging to wear what he's comfortable in? Also funny how his friends love his clothes (and him!) and it's just the adults who seem to find them out of the ordinary.

I was raised by very extroverted parents who let me wear the most bizarre outfits, but I loved it and I've now turned into an adult who adores alternative fashion. I'm so glad they supported me rather than trying to push me into a box. Opinions?

Fair enough. What do you think about second hand clothes will cause a backlash then? Most people I know have put their children in seconds hand clothes.

My Ds used to wear stuff like this when he was 3/4 years old. Tutu or dress over jeans and top etc. Was never a problem. Some people used to say “oh I love your outfit” or something but as a kid he’d take it at face value.

He’s 9 now and doesn’t dress like this anymore, not that I’d mind if he did. Interestingly though he does always like things with an outfit - like rock music for example - and cares a lot about his clothes, but his style has changed.

Both of my brothers are like this about hobbies with an outfit too! I think there’s something in the idea that stereotypical men’s clothing is very dull but that’s not women’s fault 😂

And she's awful for saying that but again - just walk away?

yes she's rude, so you treat her as you should and walk away. her reasons and motivations for what she said are not your responsibility and further more, you can't stop how she spoke, but you can decide it's irrelevant to you.

That's a very silly comparison because women do own cars.
No one thinks it's odd for a woman to buy a car or be interested in them.

But I can't think of the last time I saw an adult man going to work in a red tutu over this suit.

The adults can decide it’s irrelevant, but children have heard it.

hear it once too often and they absorb the messages.

i don’t give a fuck what people think, but children do pick up on people being nasty about them.

I agree @AIBUNo .

It's the parents' "self-expression" 🙄

I can't remember the last time I saw an adult woman going to work in a knee-length skirt and knee-high white socks.

Not seen an adult woman go to work with a red tutu over her clothes either tbf.

so neither men nor women go to work in tutu’s, yet somehow it’s less acceptable for boys to wear them.

This.

Didn't think I'd be reading arguments on MN for people to stay in their gender-stereotyped box, but here we are.

Maybe their parents should dress them properly and not make them a target. No stranger has ever commented on what my daughter wore when she was a baby/toddler but then I did curtail her self-expression by making her wear weather- and occasion-appropriate clothes. She's a teen now and doesn't seem traumatised by not wearing a bikini in winter to nursery 🤷‍♀️

social norms change, but until new ones are established, pushing boundaries will always encourage comments and discussion. Some people pretend not to know this.
Why?

Absolutely love an armchair psychologist who doesn't have a fecking clue what they're on about. Thanks for your diagnosis.

What do you mean by “match”? Plain navy top with plain navy bottoms? Stripey navy top with stripey navy bottoms? Navy top with stripey bottoms? Orange top with navy bottoms? No patterns at all?

My son is 4yo and I let him choose his clothes in the morning. Most days consists of some brightly coloured trousers, probably a mis matching top, and he loves to put tutus over everything. He always looks great and is so confident in whatever outfit he wears.
Most 4 year olds don't give a toss what they are wearing and would pick anything. You seem to have alot of focus on him 'choosing' his clothes, as though its something thats made a big deal of. And that his 'choice' of clothing is whats making him confident. I very much doubt clothes are the reason for a 4 year olds confidence. Plus everything he has to 'choose' from are things you have purchased for him.

I'm very introverted personality wise but also choose to wear very extroverted clothing. I don't care what people think about what I wear, but people have started saying in front of me and me son 'aren't you worried that he looks like a girl' or saying directly to him 'interesting choice of clothing you've got there'.
Not sure what extroverted clothing is. Is it stuff that makes people look at you for one reason or another? Its good you don't care what people think, best way to be. But I'm not sure why you are confused that people look and possibly comment when you dress yourself and your son in clothes that make some kind of 'look at me' statement. Its one thing dressing yourself in clothes that shout attention, but I can't understand why you are surprised when people give attention to your son when you dress him in, sorry buy him clothes to dress himself in clothes for exactly that reason.

It drives me slightly mad as they're just clothes and he's happy. A dad on the nursery run asked me if I was raising him trans (he was literally wearing black trousers, a hulk top and a red tutu over the top) in front of him!
If it drives you mad, why do it? It you are not bothered what people think, why does it drive you mad?

Am I supposed to just dress him in blue and black or AIBU in thinking that I should be encouraging to wear what he's comfortable in?
You don't dress him though apparently. And you can buy whatever clothes you want for your child. Is he genuinely comfortable in a tutu though? Or does he wear it because you encourage him to?

Also funny how his friends love his clothes (and him!) and it's just the adults who seem to find them out of the ordinary.
They are 4. Are they really chatting about each others wardrobe on a daily basis? Or is it because they don't seem to notice when clothes are mismatched or he is wearing a tutu? Again they are 4. I imagine most have dressing up clothes, so are totally familiar with that, and not many 4 year olds are clued into what actually matches.

I was raised by very extroverted parents who let me wear the most bizarre outfits, but I loved it and I've now turned into an adult who adores alternative fashion. I'm so glad they supported me rather than trying to push me into a box.
Again, the extrovert personality seems to equal - not the norm in clothing? So your parents supported your fashion sense of anything goes, and now you are doing the same for your son. How much of that was influenced by your parents on you? People wearing 'normal' clothes (eg not dressing up stuff or stuff that matches) are not people pushed into a box. Its what they choose to wear, it just isn't 'look at me' clothing on an everyday basis.

Opinions?
If he genuinely loves the tutu, so what? What do you care and why are you so baffled people comment on it? If you think the few comments you have received are negatively affecting your son, stop dressing him like an 'extrovert'. I'd of thought your sons confidence is more important than making a fashion statement, even if you don't want him to just 'conform'. It is possible to say no to a child and make decisions for them.

She was dressed entirely appropriately. In a dress, cardi and shoes.

some idiot took it upon themselves to assume she was a boy because she had short hair, and give us a lecture about wearing their sister’s clothes.

entirely weather and occasion appropriate 🙄

I did not “make her a target”. Societal norms did that.

@XelaM
Imagine curtailing your child in that way!😆 I suppose you had the audacity to say no to her too on occasion!
I hope she doesn't feel too bereft of a personality seeing as you prevented her from expressing herself at every opportunity.
You could have raised an icon, an influencer so influential the world has never before seen the like! What a missed opportunity, I would be throughly ashamed of myself if I were you😂

I wouldn't send your son to school in a tutu once he starts. It would be unkind. He might be picked on. Other children can be harsh.

Nobody has said it's fine to dress kids in weather-inappropriate clothes but ok

If a simple choice of clothing by a young child will "make them a target" for bullying by other kids, then maybe the parents of those kids should parent them properly and teach them not to pick on others for what they wear.

If a simple choice of clothing by a young child will "make them a target" for bullying by other kids, then maybe the parents of those kids should parent them properly and teach them not to pick on others for what they wear.

Good luck with that

If you don’t know what match means in this context I can’t help you. The original poster I was responding to clearly said she just put whatever on her baby and that it’s didn’t matter if it matched or not. It does. Most adults want to look nice, why so many people on here don’t want to treat their children with the same respect I sincerely don’t know.

???

Yeah heaven forbid we address the bullying behaviour rather than the kid just happily living his best life in a tutu and a Hulk top.

"Well that just seems like too much hard work" isn't really a compelling argument, imo.

Er, because “matching” clothing doesn’t necessarily look nice. It certainly can lack style. And what “looks nice” is very much in the eye of the beholder. And it doesn’t matter.

I find this so odd not least because I wore my hair short until I was in primary school and was usually in dresses. I wouldn’t say that woman’s reaction was the norm, it’s totally normal to see young girls with short hair

😂

You seem to feel strongly enough about this to tell others they're wrong, so why can't you explain what you mean?

You've said so far that bright (rainbow) colours are not okay, all black is not okay unless it's a tracksuit, long hair is not okay, unmatched clothes are not okay unless they're "mix and match"...

Lol! It’s far nicer than seeing a child run around looking like they just rolled through a jumble sale! Matching isn’t really the point. The point I keep making is that if you are an adult who likes to dress well yourself then it’s mad to just chuck anything on your child. There is a big difference in having pride in your appearance and presenting yourself well vs being dressed like a doll.