To not offer to host BILs kids from abroad for their education?

[Flatlandia]

BIL and his wife and kids live in a remote location in a third world country in Africa. Their income would not cover boarding fees but they want their kids to have a UK education, especially for secondary school. Kids have British passports. Leading questions have been asked about our local schools and open ended musings about what options there might be.

Although no direct question has been asked yet, I am very reluctant to offer to host the kids for school.

• my youngest is 11. BILs kids are baby/toddler. By the time BILs kids are secondary age, I will finally be child free, can go on holidays during term time, no longer a taxi service or teenage counseling service. I'll be able to work more flexibly and travel, build up pension and enjoy my adult kids. For all these selfish reasons I don't want to start year 7 again.

• I'm sure BILs kids are lovely but we have no meaningful relp due to the distance. They would be strangers to me and would need so much support to adjust culturally to this country, school, missing their parents etc.

• potential for so much awkward falling out over living costs, silly things like who decides if they do after school clubs and pays for it. Effectively trying to parent these kids on a day to day basis while respecting their parents wishes vs my house my rules.

• my adult kids lose their rooms in our house (if still at uni could be an issue for hols) and our time and energy as we'll be focused on their cousins.

• all of this being a lifestyle decision by BIL to live in this location to start with (following a dream), why should I pick up the pieces?

But I think the logistics etc could be worked through and it would make a huge difference to these kids lives, open so many opportunities for them. So mainly it's the selfish reasons. And maybe I'd feel differently if it was my siblings kids rather than BILs...

Aibu to say no and stop any thoughts of this being an option?

ps daily mail or any other journalists can fuck off.

Also thanks for the idea of online education, I hadn't thought of that either! The world could indeed be a very different place in 10 years time with technology changing everything, maybe UK schools will be part or whole online anyway. Certainly there's no chance of a snow day tomorrow even if the forecasts do come true, they'll be stuck in online lessons all day instead!

If they "muse options" just send them Rightmove links to suitable properties in the area.

If he os in a third world country, surely he can pay for a British education in an independent day school in their country or are you saying they are too remote and would have to board in their country?

Whatever the situation, as a parents it's on them to provide the education they expect for their kids. Their life choices seem to be vastly at odds with the outcomes they are expecting, especially for their kids.

Personally I would direct them to some boarding school in South Africa. I can give you come recommendations.

We've been in a similar situation several times. Living in a university town and been asked to let my younger siblings live here during their studies (this was when my own children were small) and later been asked to let nephews/nieces live with us (same reason). The given reason was it would save my parents/my siblings a lot of money - no compensation (for lodging, food, laundry, use of electricity etc.) was ever offered. My answer was and still is : no. No. No.

I would not consider it for a moment. I find it challenging enough with a 14 yo DSD coming every other weekend and half the school holidays. I usually get silence, snide remarks or micro-aggressions (eg soap on my toothbrush, moving to sit in my place next to DH as soon as I get up - type stuff) but obviously have to pretty much suck it up as I knew about her before DH and I decided to marry. Although when I met DH, DSD and ex were living up north with DH down south and going up to visit / stay nearby for school holidays. The EOW arrangement is very new since ex decided to move south where we are last year.

As the step mother I have no say in the parenting even when I think DH should be intervening in some way. I have gently spoken to him when she's not there and recently he's made a few compromises but its early days and we'll have to wait and see what happens. I look forward to our weekends off. The fight to get homework done, limit screen time etc is awful, as is ex having a go at DH directly and me indirectly because DSD hasnt done one or has done the other during our weekends. Quite challenging, as I said, and likely to continue until after uni is finished., so maybe another 8+ years.

This is one child, and she can be quite sweet sometimes, you just dont know which mood she'll arrive in. You would have more than one child and never get a weekend off.

Perhaps your PIL can help fund boarding school since they are keen on having BILs kids get a UK education. I think you are absolutely right to refuse to entertain this hosting idea for all the reasons youve put, and a few more.

Honestly, I would blame the massive increase in the cost of living and advise BIL that you and DH are considering downsizing once your kids finishing school so that you can finally start saving a little bit yourselves. You’re absolutely not going to have room. (I would probably also do that to avoid visitors!)

No way would I do this.

If they're that set on educating their children in the UK then they need to move back.

To help you answer the problems faced look at the responses on this. Hardly anyone is on the side of the scroungers who chose to live away from civilisation.
Reject the idea emphatically for your own and your families peace of mind.

@WickedStepmomNOT Soap on your toothbrush? The little .............

They really are CFs aren't they 🙄

Haven’t RTFT but I suggest ignore the hints. If they ask directly just say it’s not possible, you will need to work etc. Keep repeating every time they push.

There are a number of online schools available which use British curriculum www.ladyevelyn.school/british/primary/

I wouldn’t even consider it.

You can suggest they look at state boarding schools (c 10k a year I think), some Northern Irish Grammars have boarding facilities, and boarding schools in S Ireland are cheaper because they just charge on top of state funding. They’d have to check that they don’t get extra fees on top as non-doms. None of this bath in basement but cheaper than Uk independents.

Do not even think about taking them in.

BARGIN basement, not bath in basement.. 😁

A bar full of gin is better? ;)

YANBU. If BIL wants a British education for his DC he needs to come back, pay taxes and live here with them. Just say no.

I wouldn’t even spend time thinking about this?
They might just be picking your brain about schools in case they might want to move back in the future ( im not originally from the uk and I ask friends back home about schools all the time, out of interest, not because im planning on ditching my kids on them )

next time it comes up in conversation ask if they are thinking about moving back!

Yup. First time I thought it was an accident. Then it happened again. I said nothing but now my toothbrush is kept in my nightstand EOW.

Hell no. They're incredibly selfish and immature

Their kids can be home schooled

Next time they ask what the schools are like day, are you moving back? How lovely

*say

This. "oh, are thinking of moving back?"

I don't even know why he would think it's an option 😂

If he mentions your local schools again, say "Oh, are you planning to move back here?"

i very much doubt they would even contemplate leaving their young children with you.

they are just weighing up their options and using you as a sounding board. They are probably doing the same with others.