To not offer to host BILs kids from abroad for their education?

[Flatlandia]

BIL and his wife and kids live in a remote location in a third world country in Africa. Their income would not cover boarding fees but they want their kids to have a UK education, especially for secondary school. Kids have British passports. Leading questions have been asked about our local schools and open ended musings about what options there might be.

Although no direct question has been asked yet, I am very reluctant to offer to host the kids for school.

• my youngest is 11. BILs kids are baby/toddler. By the time BILs kids are secondary age, I will finally be child free, can go on holidays during term time, no longer a taxi service or teenage counseling service. I'll be able to work more flexibly and travel, build up pension and enjoy my adult kids. For all these selfish reasons I don't want to start year 7 again.

• I'm sure BILs kids are lovely but we have no meaningful relp due to the distance. They would be strangers to me and would need so much support to adjust culturally to this country, school, missing their parents etc.

• potential for so much awkward falling out over living costs, silly things like who decides if they do after school clubs and pays for it. Effectively trying to parent these kids on a day to day basis while respecting their parents wishes vs my house my rules.

• my adult kids lose their rooms in our house (if still at uni could be an issue for hols) and our time and energy as we'll be focused on their cousins.

• all of this being a lifestyle decision by BIL to live in this location to start with (following a dream), why should I pick up the pieces?

But I think the logistics etc could be worked through and it would make a huge difference to these kids lives, open so many opportunities for them. So mainly it's the selfish reasons. And maybe I'd feel differently if it was my siblings kids rather than BILs...

Aibu to say no and stop any thoughts of this being an option?

ps daily mail or any other journalists can fuck off.

You need to be clear with DH that you think BIL is planning on asking this, and that your answer will be no.

The closest to a compromise I would offer would be if BIL sends the DNS to boarding school in the UK, you’d host them for half terms, and your DH could be a point of contact in the UK if anything happens like a serious injury. (Presumably BIL would fly them back for Christmas and the summer)

ps daily mail or any other journalists can fuck off.

Yep, I agree with this.

That's a big fat 'hell no' from me.

So sorry OP, I pressed YABU instead of YANBU. It is a massive responsibility and I definitely couldn’t do it. Put yourself and your child/partner first and stick to your guns if you are asked.

no way (they can go to an international school)

I do always like to offer to help other people but there’s no way I’d do this. Their children, their responsibility.

Why are you worrying about something 10 years away? Just ignore. If they ask, say no, sorry doesn't work for us.

You would have to declare yourself to your local council as a foster carer. Anything over28 days needs to be declared. But BIL really needs to look after his own kids.

No, no, no and no. Just no - in case I wasn’t clear.

In all countries they have international schools. Your brother in law will be able to find an international private school, that will do the UK exams.

No one in their right mind would even contemplate doing this, and in BIL defence he hasn’t even asked you to. Just nip it in the bud and say ‘ooh I can’t wait until Jonny finishes school in 2029, it’ll be like a whole new lease of life and me and DH can do XYZ’.

I don't know if it of any help but is state boarding of any help.

This reduces the cost to paying for residential fees only, as the tuition part is covered by the LA.

Yes they haven’t actually asked op to take their kids.

Forgot to add, secondary and sixth form.

Is possible that he is just planning ahead. It a bit unusual for someone to send their kids abroad just to be educated.

Your BIL chose to have children knowing the situation. They need to be responsible for their own kids.

I don't think this is a reasonable expectation at all and tbf they haven't asked and it's over 10 years away. But to be safe I'd nip it in the bud right now and talk about your plans when your DC have finished school ( even made up plans)
What does DH say? Is he close to his brother? In some cultures this is probably normal particularly if there is a significant difference of life chances in the other country.

Absolutely fucking not.

So while you're doing the hard, parenting work, the early mornings, the taxi to after school clubs, the chaperoning of budding relationships and wiping the tears when they don't work out, the feeding, washing, ironing, homework duty and everything else the job involves, they get to suit themselves what do and when with no responsibilities?

Hmmm, ok, sounds like a fun time, you should sign up to it immediately! :-/

Tell them to take a very long hike, off a very short pier!

Wtf. Of course you wouldn't do this. Just say no. No way would I take in random kids for years.

Absolutely not. It’s your life. It’s their kids. They’ve made the life choices that they’ve made and it’s not on you to compensate for those. I would ignore all the hints and wait for them
to ask, then say no.

Do the parents also hold British passports? If so they can always move back. I guess a bit more complicated if they don’t.

If anything is hinted at again, I’d be asking if they’re moving back. I wouldn’t give them the chance to ask you.

Has he even asked the mother of his mere babies whether she wants them fucked off halfway across the world to her husband's brother's wife to parent?

They're probably a lot dearer than expecting the OP and family to do it!

This. You're assuming a WHOLE LOT op.
They may be asking you so they could consider their options, weigh out the pros and cons, etc. Why would your first thought be "They want me to host their kids" in what, 10 YEARS' time?
Just ask them if you are so worried but I'd be very surprised they are angling it the way you think.