Forced fun

[Floofydawg]

Here's the situation - am an over 50 woman in a wider team where I am the oldest. Most are in their 30's. We have a team day in the office in a couple of weeks and a meal has been arranged for after work, at our own expense. Not ideal but I'll go along and be a team player. Where my issue is, is that there's an activity after the meal which has been arranged which I've declined to go to as 1. it's not my thing and 2. it's all at own expense and quite frankly I don't want to spend money on something I don't want to do. The person organising has put pressure on me multiple times to attend the activity, this morning in front of the wider team on a call. This has really put my back up to the point I said I've already told you am coming for the meal but not interested in the activity so will be leaving after dinner.

AIBU and not a team player? Honestly sometimes I just think I'm too old for this shit and I can't be bothered. Am sure they all think I'm a grumpy old cow but am past caring.

@Floofydawg someone in your team needs to grow up and stop trying to push people into things they are not comfortable doing. Especially in front of everyone else. That's bullying.
You have to work with them, you are under no obligation to socialise with them.

I think when the person tried to pressurise you in front of everyone I think that was the time to say you had decided to not fgo to the meal either.

I go out with friends, people at work I was never friends with any of them. I didn’t want to be there. I was only there for the money and I certainly wouldn’t want to pay out of my own pocket to spend time with these people.

If you do end up going for a meal with these people tell the waiter when you walk in that you want your bill to be separate from the rest as you will be leaving early.

Then they can crack on with what they want to do and you don’t have to get involved with hanging around whilst they finish.

Many years of being the vegetarian non drinker of the group and getting stung by sharing the bill with a group of heavy drinking fillet steak eating people. Only happened a couple of times until I wised up and these were people I counted as friends.

I think you would be well within your rights to say that given this morning's further attempt to bully you into the 'activity' and embarrass you in front of your colleagues, when you have made your feeling clear, you no longer wish to come to the meal either and have decided to stay at home/ do something infinitely more enjoyable than team building e.g poke yourself in the eye.

Utter nonsense. In my whole 38 years as an adult I have never, ever gone on a work social event outside of working hours. I still have friends from places I have worked at.
Currently I am the only woman in a team of 20, they're all off to the pub on Friday after our shift finishes. I was asked if I wanted to go I replied "no thanks" their answer " okay, no problem". We then continued to spend the day working, chatting and laughing, because we were all adult enough to realise that me not socializing with them after work is no big deal.

I hate this shit too even though I'm actually much more sociable now in my mid 40s than I ever was in my 20s and 30s. But I still wouldn't like this.maybe like you I'd attend the meal but I definitely wouldn't be into the games event and at your own expense is a piss take. Them trying to push you into it in a meeting infront of colleagues is bullying in my opinion, why can't they respect your wishes and see your not comfortable and don't want to go. Stand your ground op and don't be forced into something you don't want to do.

On multiple threads and on multiple occasions now, you, girlfriend44, make the most stunningly asinine comments. Is it to provoke a reaction (congratulations, I am provoked) or do your comments genuinely reflect your thoughts?

Do they realise these things are useless and a total parody ! Trouble is, these useless team building companies have carved out a niche for box tickers to waste surplus budgets. Parasites the lot of em ....

I've reported the post. Some people are utter dicks.

At your own expense and outside working hours? No way!!!

@Floofydawg yanbu. You are better than me at agreeing to even go to the meal.

I foresee a mechanical car emergency on the day in question, and as you will have to wait in for the mechanic/aa to collect your car, you can no longer make any of the day.
Otherwise the ‘age inclusive’ thing would
be for non of to go ahead, because whatever is suggested will not be inclusive to all on grounds of age/gender/ability etc etc.

Are the other staff really keen on it or not, Floofydawg?

I'm just wondering if the real objection is that your own refusal might cause an exodus ...

can you cite elder care as your reason not to attend?
Either that, or say you don’t want to Leave the dog with the dog reminder any longer necessary, so you are happy to go here to support the team but really need to get home afterwards to be with your pooch, you simply don’t know who will have the worst separation anxiety with him being out of his routine- you or him!
Believe me it’s an oldest woman in a younger team, the latter will work like a charm, though the former may raise a few eyebrows 😂

In this day and age… you have to make work “work” for you. I’m in my 30’s and from the get go have always declined work gatherings, meals and evenings out. I have a no BS approach and have been around the work block to know not to waste my time unless I know I’d be a positive vibe. I’m an introvert and love being at home. I get to work from the moment I’m paid and leave the moment I’m not. Nothing nasty or untoward I’m just not here for it. I Occ use the good old “no childcare” excuse and often joke. I spent all day at work with you lot, as if I want to spend my free time with you! Hahaha jokes not jokes.

YANBU op. I'd not go to the meal either. I am a team player at work, but I don't need to socialise with them outside work thank you very much!

urgh I HATE spending time with colleagues outside of work. When I’m off the clock I want to spend my free time with my family and friends. I especially wouldn’t see my colleagues out of work at my own expense 😂 I expect to be paid to be in their company 🤣🤣

Well they're all going! It's mainly men in their 30s. Only one other woman, a bit younger than me who I reckon just goes for a quiet life.

I'm in my 30s and I'd be saying no to this too. Especially at own expense. That's ridiculous.

You've done more than enough by going to the meal, especially as it's self funded. I'd be tempted not to attend that anymore. As when you are at the meal, you are already out and they will say 'go on' about the activity to try and persuade you. At least if you aren't there in the first place it's a done deal.

YANBU. I've worked in the same place for 10 years and went to all the group outings and organised a few Christmas dos when I was in my late 20s.
I'm pushing 40 now, and I don't have time to see the people I'm really friends with, so it's usually a no....truthfully I can't be arsed either.

Oh hate this type of shit. Had this early in my career, worst bit women bitching about other women from the team. Hated paying for drunken behaviour.

Luckily Current workplace has officially banned soliciting any money contributing activities including those who ask (beg) for charity stuff. At times we just pass around envelopes for a leaving pressie but that is it. Someone just buys flowers they can afford.

YANBU, we always have to do an activity. What happened to just getting a bit of food or a post work drink (i.e one drink!)

Team building and that sort of thing is the way things are at the moment. Pressure is put on others in the workplace to do stuff collectively without dissent and it's not good. I think this is the era of multiple mental health issues as many are bullied by the more vocal, into agreeing to everything or be ostracized.
It's the same at the school gates. How many playdates your kids have and how much you choose to spend on whole class birthday parties defines you as worthy or unworthy of friendship with certain mums.
Same with hen parties.
You do what is best for you, not what others say you must do or be banished to the outer fringes of their clique.
Don't be bullied into agreeing.

,,,and only pay for YOUR own meal and drinks. Tell the server that you're only paying for your share.
If you allow them to dictate then you only have yourself to blame.

I don't get why you just don't say ' you know what - thanks for including me in your meal/ games night out but neither is my thing so I'll decline. You all have a fun night out though ! '
Just be honest. You don't HAVE to go.

"Sorry, can't make it, I'll be wasting time pushing back against corporate shit on Mumsnet - you enjoy your pronouns' workshop though..... "

Ha ha. I left a job about five years ago where I worked remotely nearly all the time. I didn't go in for my last day, I just sent my laptop back via a courier. I didn't dislike my colleagues, but had no desire to have a leaving do. They did send a card with a few quid in vouchers.