Forced fun

[Floofydawg]

Here's the situation - am an over 50 woman in a wider team where I am the oldest. Most are in their 30's. We have a team day in the office in a couple of weeks and a meal has been arranged for after work, at our own expense. Not ideal but I'll go along and be a team player. Where my issue is, is that there's an activity after the meal which has been arranged which I've declined to go to as 1. it's not my thing and 2. it's all at own expense and quite frankly I don't want to spend money on something I don't want to do. The person organising has put pressure on me multiple times to attend the activity, this morning in front of the wider team on a call. This has really put my back up to the point I said I've already told you am coming for the meal but not interested in the activity so will be leaving after dinner.

AIBU and not a team player? Honestly sometimes I just think I'm too old for this shit and I can't be bothered. Am sure they all think I'm a grumpy old cow but am past caring.

No it's not good enough. Relationships are the basis for all human interactions, including at work.

But sure, you do you. You sound a delight to work with

That is outrageous. I would have a note put on it to say "Liese rejected the idea that she should pay for social events with her colleagues outside work hours."

@Vloader23 and you sound like the twat who is trying to guilt me into joining in and paying for something that I would not enjoy.

😆 ignore that poster. They’re probably one of those desperately annoying ‘social sec’ types always using the work printer to print out fliers they’ve made for various ‘work fun’ events.

If it’s outside work hours and the company are not funding any of it then it is totally optional!
No way would I be attending something I didn’t want to in my own time and paying for the privilege. And I would make that very clear.
If it’s really going to mark you out then I would be suddenly unwell that evening and not attend…

@Floofydawg With you 100% my lovely!

Urgh, why do people who are 'social butterflies' have to try and push 'being incredibly social' on everyone else, and mock and deride 'introverts' (or people who aren't introverts, but still aren't fussed about constantly socialising...)

People who like more of a quiet life/aren't fussed about going out much, don't constantly dig and, and deride 'social butterflies' so why do THEY dig at the 'less sociable' people.

I am in my 50s now, and CBA to go out most of the time, and have to FORCE myself to go to things I feel I ought to go to, and tbf I do enjoy it most of the time, but I really REALLY don't like work events. Even in my 30s and 40s, I couldn't be bothered with work events, and couldn't be arsed with most people. Just a small selection of 5 or 6 people, like a couple of friends, DH and the kids, and my parents.

Work events were grim, and even at 35, I remember pretending to be ill for 2 Christmas parties on the trot. The area manager always invited himself to our Christmas office party, and he dominated the conversation at the table of 10 people, telling 'jokes' and stories about himself, and everyone would fake laugh, and it was tedious and pathetic.

Moreover, one woman in the office - some 5 years older than me - was a bully, and critisized me at work in pretty much everything I did. Eye-rolling, snorting, laughing when I had left the room, shaking her head at me, and talking VERY LOUDLY when I was on the phone to someone (not a friend or family member, an actual customer or client.) She loved to belt out her booming voice to try and undermine me somehow, and make it hard for me to concentrate/hear what the person was saying.

This same woman made a comment EVERY TIME I lifted the fork to my mouth...

'look how she's shoveling that down!'
'how much can one woman eat?'
'hoovering that up aren't ya?'

AND when I had a drink of alcohol...

'bloody hell, did you see how she knocked that back - bloody alckie!'
'how much more are you going to drink, you'll have no liver at this rate!' (when I was on my second glass of wine.)

I knocked back a brandy in one this one time, and she told everyone she met - and was still telling people 1 month later - what an absolute lush I was, and how I can sink a bottle of brandy in one sitting. (Not true.)

So yeah, works 'do's' can get tae fuck! And so can people trying to bully and coerce people into 'being more sociable....' URGH! Just do one eh?

OMG @HeavenIsAHalfpipe that's out and out bullying! You should have reported the awful woman to HR.

that's out and out bullying! You should have reported the awful woman to HR

That was my first thought too.

I agree, but the pp will probably come back and say that she was HR.

When I was younger I went to things because of FOMO but now I don't care.

You can create relationships at work. You don't need to have relationships outside work.

In fact I think if you keep people at professional arms-length it is better. You won't fall out with them that way. It's like your neighbours - smile and say hello, take the odd parcel in and keep things pleasant.

If you spend too much time with people it's much easier to fall out with them.

How have they got the balls to call it a team day when you're paying out of your own pocket?

Love this!! I can't wait to retire!

Good for you. I bitterly resent all that team-building crap. It's bad enough that I have to waste my life trapped in an office doing something that doesn't interest me.

You are paid to do your job, that's it. So long as you do that well, they have no right to expect anything more. I once had a boss who'd recommend we did X or Y at the weekend so we were fresh for Monday. God, it used to infuriate me. I'd smile, but inside I was thinking "what I do after I leave this horrible office is none of your business you puffed up little twerp."

Totally agree. Hate any form of team building in my own time. I always book my team offsite and lunch based on finishing at 5pm so folk can go home and do what they need - be that kids or other responsibilities they may have.

Sorry, my comment was to @vera99 !!

I hate forced fun, to the extent that my colleagues have pointed out that I probably wouldn’t even attend my own leaving do.

I hate forced fun - one of the reason I hate New Years Eve! You HAVE to enjoy yourself !! Yeah right - you go into pubs and can't find a seat etc etc

Or going into a room to smash up old electrical equipment for stress relief.

🤯

I don't get stress relief from smashing anything unless it's the still-breathing bodies of my enemies.

I'm public sector, and I treat my small team to a Christmas meal. We have a nice time, and then go home. Who needs more than that.

YANBU. These types of things are usually bloody awful and it’s absurd they expect you to pay - if they think it’s so important for building team spirit or whatever weird trip they are on then the company should pay for it.

A side observation (and OP this may not be like your workplace at all, this is just my experience) - often companies who push hardest for this sort of tripe don’t bother listening to feedback about how to make the workplace genuinely better for staff i.e. realistic workload, supportive managers, cohesive strategy and clear goals. Oh no - bowling and Chiquitos will fix everything 🙄

No company in their right mind would pressure employees to spend their own money on work outings during a CoL crisis. Complete idiots

So many work places don’t understand that - especially post covid - people often don’t want to socialise with work colleagues and don’t want a ‘fun’ culture. They just want respect, decent behaving colleagues and management and to go home to who they DO want to spend time with!

You say he told jokes and stories about himself which you didn't like but what did you contribute, what did you bring to the party?

Absolutely NBU

If the employer is paying (which is the case at my company), then it’s more difficult to challenge as they’ll be paying for people to attend to do ‘team building’ crap. Which is annoying but at least you’re not out of pocket (although even then my employer allows people to sit some stuff out if it’s not something they feel comfortable with).

However, if they’re expecting you to pay for this rubbish, I’d absolutely stand your ground. I would definitely not be paying for something I didn’t want to do.

I’ve often attended team meals (paid for by my boss), but then retire to my hotel after and leave the others to it, as at 45 I have no interest in going out and getting pissed anymore and paying for the privilege!

Am 37 and absolutely hate team events or team 'bonding'.
Just want to do my job then go home. So cringy all of that crap.