to think that seeing as it’s hard to dispose of a body…

[OxygenthiefexH]

I need to find a better way to manage my ex.

He is horrible.

briefly the 3 SEN teens live with me, he sees them 3 nights a month and he moved over an hour away and expects me to meet half way. He refuses to drive to our town as he says that the local police are in my pocket and I could get him arrested. He said that.

He messes me about constantly by refusing to reply to emails about contact, he pays maintenance but nothing else on our consent order as everything has to be agreed in advance, and he won’t agree to anything because he knows I pay anyway. As I type I’m at a private assessment for adhd as the local wait list is 2 years. He won’t pay for any of it and yet agrees it’s necessary.

The really crux is comms though and the only way to get ANY response is via the kids’ phones, which puts them in an awkward position. So how do I manage comms? For example confirming WHEN he will be at the meeting point for the kids, if he would swap one day so I get them for my birthday etc and vice versa.

what do I do if he won’t reply until the last minute, and even then it’s only via the kids, who are that point are crawling the walls at the uncertainty!

You you live near pigs?

You can feed his body to pigs. They even eat the teeth.

This is the most useful thing I’ve ever read on MN.

@OxygenthiefexH im sorry I don’t know but I share your pain. With my ex, he will thwart any system that is put in place , because for him it’s all about control.

Do your kids still want to see him ?

What would happen if you stopped teething to organise things for him? He wants to see the kids, he shows up at contact time. The kids are probably aware that the current arrangement isn't working so it doesn't sound like all the attempts to manage him are protecting them from stress or disappointment anyway...

They eat the teeth???? 😱😱😱😱

Need a new patio?

My husband says pigs are the answer to many a problem. Just remove metal as that’s the only thing they don’t eat…… apparently……

Happy to provide an alibi 🙋

Are you anywhere near a lobster 🦞 farm? (Saw that used in an episode of Hamish MacBeth)

Pigs aside, can you share a google calendar or something similar? So you put the information on there and it's up to him if he looks at it. A friend does this with a difficult ex and she puts everything on there like GP appointments, dentists, school special events etc.. so he can't say that she's not informing him even when he refuses to take her calls.

Pigs are good.

Do you have access to a furnace? Just remove all the ashes and any fragments afterwards.

Or access to a boat? Weighted body into the north sea, long way out obviously.

You need to make sure his communication failures end up inconveniencing him instead of you.
Don't turn up at a meeting point unless you have a reasonable amount of time in advance to make plans.
Either that or the pigs idea.

You need to take your pigs to the beach for the day and feed them there. That way any identifiable fragments will be pooped out onto the sand and washed away by the sea.

Yes, I am aware that I overthink things.

It’s probably worth buying a pig farm in these circumstances.

I think the pig farm is best and most efficient solution.

Funnily enough that was my first thought when I read the thread title. No real advice unfortunately.

I love learning new things on here. Previous advice from here was to bury a body standing up under the body of an animal. Pigs sounds much easier. Can I keep them in a small suburban garden?

On a serious note. I agree with others. Stop chasing him. Don’t use the dc phones. If you need to contact him try and use statements rather than questions then it’s up to him to be where you say when you say.

If he won’t pick them up can you say you’ll no longer meet him due to him messing you around? Has there been police involvement to make him say that? Can you get court agreement that he does x, y and a and you will no longer do a, b and c?

Have you got some kind of contact schedule in a court order / agreed in writing somehow?

If not, create one based on what you tend to do/ what's practical. Ask him to notify you of any reasonable changes he wants to make within a week.

It can specify birthdays, Christmas, school holidays. It can specify how long you'll wait and what will happen if he doesn't arrive. (There are examples on the cafcass website and elsewhere.)

Emphasise that there will be no deviations from this unless dire emergency.

Tell him if he disagrees completely he needs to go to court (he won't go to all that fuss and expense, I'm guessing?).

Send copies to school(s).

Then stick to it. If he doesn't turn up, follow whatever the schedule says.

He'll soon learn.

It can all be framed, for him and the DC, as about making their lives secure and predictable and so that everyone can get on with their lives. Be completely reasonable.

Failing that: pigs are lovey creatures to have around....

Sorry forgot to say re comms:

Make sure he has your mobile and email.
Do not accept changes made through the children.

He needs firm boundaries.

Pigs are such underrated creatures….

Be careful folks, pigs do NOT eat human teeth, or hair, you need to dispose of these in some other way.

Hair will compost.
This article may be useful.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3746478/

The pig thing is a winner in a lot of ways although they can’t eat the teeth, a friend tells me.

Yes the kids want to see him and yes I need them to see him so I get a break. I do wonder what would happen if I refused to meet him half way. It sort of buggers my plans if I have something else on though, which he knows.

Well the teeth tend to pass through the pigs' digestive systems whole, so unless you are willing to sift through poop... remove them first. Also a bath filled with lots of washing powder (I hear) will break down flesh. ...This is going to get deleted isn't it. 😁

We have a rough Every Other Weekend thing. He pays maintenance in line with CMS recommendations and has them for 52 nights a year. If he does more than 52 he calls it “doing an extra.”

Sippose I draw up a contact schedule, how do I get him to stick to it? The transfers back and to are a colossal pain in the arse - suppose it’s his weekend to have them, instead of picking them up from school in HomeTown, he insists on my picking them up and driving them to a halfway point, which means I’m hanging about all day just to deliver his kids to him.

i have driven them to his door loads of times because I’ve had stuff planned and can’t trust him not to fuck it up by his not turning up.

how do I manage that? He’s such a bully.

I think Tigers eat everything without a trace😃I saw that on "Tiger King"