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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that seeing as it’s hard to dispose of a body…

156 replies

OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 11:28

I need to find a better way to manage my ex.

He is horrible.

briefly the 3 SEN teens live with me, he sees them 3 nights a month and he moved over an hour away and expects me to meet half way. He refuses to drive to our town as he says that the local police are in my pocket and I could get him arrested. He said that.

He messes me about constantly by refusing to reply to emails about contact, he pays maintenance but nothing else on our consent order as everything has to be agreed in advance, and he won’t agree to anything because he knows I pay anyway. As I type I’m at a private assessment for adhd as the local wait list is 2 years. He won’t pay for any of it and yet agrees it’s necessary.

The really crux is comms though and the only way to get ANY response is via the kids’ phones, which puts them in an awkward position. So how do I manage comms? For example confirming WHEN he will be at the meeting point for the kids, if he would swap one day so I get them for my birthday etc and vice versa.

what do I do if he won’t reply until the last minute, and even then it’s only via the kids, who are that point are crawling the walls at the uncertainty!

OP posts:
Original poster
OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 12:47

I’ve had a PM saying “you have to get the legs off first.”

OP posts:
IWasFunBeforeMum · 06/03/2023 12:48

Pretty sure Brick Top in Snatch gives a great monologue about getting rid of bodies via pigs. So must be true 🤣

Cocobutt · 06/03/2023 13:07

Firstly, stop taking them to him.
If he wants to see them then he’s to come to your and collect them and drop them back as he’s the one who moved away.

Yes you may lose out on your alone time initially but trust me if he thinks you are in any way trying to stop him from seeing the kids then all of a sudden he’ll want to see them more.

Secondly, a proper schedule needs to be drawn up.
Perhaps every other weekend. He picks up on X day at X time and drops back off on X day at X time.
Physically write down the list of upcoming dates for the foreseeable and text it to him so there’s no way he can get it wrong.

If he refuses then tell him he’ll have to sort it through the courts as you are done being the only responsible one.

Thirdly, do not text him about changing dates or anything.
If his day lands on your birthday or Christmas then you’re just going to have to celebrate it early because this is a perfect excuse for him to pretend that he thought you changed the dates, whereas if they’re always the same then he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Try not to contact him too much as he’ll be enjoying that.
If you stop texting him, he will start texting you trying to find out what’s going on.

It sounds so petty but he is a petty man and so you sometimes have to play his game.

Redstopgreengo · 06/03/2023 13:16

Pigs do indeed eat people. A woman where I used to live disappeared and although the body never turned up her husband (a pig farmer) was arrested and its suspected he fed her to the pigs. Horrific story but it's how I learned they are terrifying creatures that you never mess with!

NashvilleQueen · 06/03/2023 13:18

Another in the series 'imagine if this thread had been started by a man'

Mrscaptainraymondholt · 06/03/2023 13:28

if you can't get pigs then lime is good for dissolving but also be careful where you bury as the grass is always much greener above where dead things are as it feeds the soil well.... I've heard that planting a protected plant on top helps prevent it being dug up but I suspect there are ways of moving these things so basically...

  1. Pigs
  2. Lime pit
  3. middle of woods so green area can't be seen by helicopter but deep enough so animals won't disturb and remove toes and fingers to help avoid ID via that way and don't take your mobile with you as it pings off aerials and can place you there
  4. Learn your plants...

interestingly, I attended a talk on serial killers a week or so ago and women usually always kill at distance with poison being the number one choice, followed by a car....🤓

XelaM · 06/03/2023 13:34

Mrscaptainraymondholt · 06/03/2023 13:28

if you can't get pigs then lime is good for dissolving but also be careful where you bury as the grass is always much greener above where dead things are as it feeds the soil well.... I've heard that planting a protected plant on top helps prevent it being dug up but I suspect there are ways of moving these things so basically...

  1. Pigs
  2. Lime pit
  3. middle of woods so green area can't be seen by helicopter but deep enough so animals won't disturb and remove toes and fingers to help avoid ID via that way and don't take your mobile with you as it pings off aerials and can place you there
  4. Learn your plants...

interestingly, I attended a talk on serial killers a week or so ago and women usually always kill at distance with poison being the number one choice, followed by a car....🤓

You really thought this through 😂

Jewelanemone · 06/03/2023 13:38

I just came here to suggest a garden of protected plants.

Original poster
OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 13:39

Cocobutt · 06/03/2023 13:07

Firstly, stop taking them to him.
If he wants to see them then he’s to come to your and collect them and drop them back as he’s the one who moved away.

Yes you may lose out on your alone time initially but trust me if he thinks you are in any way trying to stop him from seeing the kids then all of a sudden he’ll want to see them more.

Secondly, a proper schedule needs to be drawn up.
Perhaps every other weekend. He picks up on X day at X time and drops back off on X day at X time.
Physically write down the list of upcoming dates for the foreseeable and text it to him so there’s no way he can get it wrong.

If he refuses then tell him he’ll have to sort it through the courts as you are done being the only responsible one.

Thirdly, do not text him about changing dates or anything.
If his day lands on your birthday or Christmas then you’re just going to have to celebrate it early because this is a perfect excuse for him to pretend that he thought you changed the dates, whereas if they’re always the same then he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Try not to contact him too much as he’ll be enjoying that.
If you stop texting him, he will start texting you trying to find out what’s going on.

It sounds so petty but he is a petty man and so you sometimes have to play his game.

Actually you have it bang on; being petty isn’t in my nature so it throws me that anyone can be such an absolute fool.

if we ended up at court, how does that work? Would the court compel me to do the driving/transport etc, for at least half the journey?

What he used to do when he first moved out, was do all the driving but then dock me £20 each way from the child maintenance to cover his petrol.

This is a company director in a firm in the City of London btw. They heys be astounded at his behaviour.

OP posts:
Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 06/03/2023 13:39

OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 12:47

I’ve had a PM saying “you have to get the legs off first.”

Please don’t remove the legs off live pigs. Live ex husbands - meh go for it

Original poster
OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 13:39

Mrscaptainraymondholt · 06/03/2023 13:28

if you can't get pigs then lime is good for dissolving but also be careful where you bury as the grass is always much greener above where dead things are as it feeds the soil well.... I've heard that planting a protected plant on top helps prevent it being dug up but I suspect there are ways of moving these things so basically...

  1. Pigs
  2. Lime pit
  3. middle of woods so green area can't be seen by helicopter but deep enough so animals won't disturb and remove toes and fingers to help avoid ID via that way and don't take your mobile with you as it pings off aerials and can place you there
  4. Learn your plants...

interestingly, I attended a talk on serial killers a week or so ago and women usually always kill at distance with poison being the number one choice, followed by a car....🤓

He’s doing enough to destroy his health himself without any help from me.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 06/03/2023 13:40

NashvilleQueen · 06/03/2023 13:18

Another in the series 'imagine if this thread had been started by a man'

True, but the number of women hiding men's bodies in barrels, cesspools, suitcases, or indeed vats of soup (current case in Hong Kong), is vanishingly small, unlike the opposite (all recent cases mentioned), so this one can be taken as a black humour in a difficult situation.

Somanysocks · 06/03/2023 13:42

I've just gone right off pork.

steff13 · 06/03/2023 13:43

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/03/2023 11:29

You you live near pigs?

You can feed his body to pigs. They even eat the teeth.

I just literally said this to myself as I read the OP. 😂

OurChristmasMiracle · 06/03/2023 13:46

Don’t suppose you live near an old churchyard who still do burials (and are therefore open 24/7?) wait til a grave is open. Whack the body in and then some dirt over and he will get squished by the coffin and if bones ever come up they will just be reburied!

but on a serious note - simply send a message stating times and dates and a “if any of these are not convenient please ensure at least 48hours notice is given” and then carry on as normal. May also be worth putting in “if you will be more than 15minutes late for collection you will need to inform me or the children may not be available for contact” no sitting around waiting!

Wellillsayitifnoonelsewill · 06/03/2023 13:51

Christ if your ex turns up dead now you do realise your gonna be prime suspect number 1.

make sure your Alibis are tight 😂

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 06/03/2023 13:53

It's only difficult if you don't know how.

Another vote for pigs. They'll eat the hair too.

unclebuck · 06/03/2023 13:55

Pigs eat the teeth but cannot digest them. You have to remove them first, encase in concrete and throw into the sea.

Original poster
OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 13:56

OurChristmasMiracle · 06/03/2023 13:46

Don’t suppose you live near an old churchyard who still do burials (and are therefore open 24/7?) wait til a grave is open. Whack the body in and then some dirt over and he will get squished by the coffin and if bones ever come up they will just be reburied!

but on a serious note - simply send a message stating times and dates and a “if any of these are not convenient please ensure at least 48hours notice is given” and then carry on as normal. May also be worth putting in “if you will be more than 15minutes late for collection you will need to inform me or the children may not be available for contact” no sitting around waiting!

What happened before Christmas was, we were due to meet at halfway point at say, 5pm, on a Friday. I’d hung around all day even though I was going away for the weekend, to collect the kids from school and drive them to halfway point. We were delayed in traffic and DS rang him (he won’t take my calls) and told him, and said I’m convo “mum is going as quick as she can as she needs to get away too.” We were actually 7 minutes late, but he said that he couldn’t be bothered to wait and turned around and went home again - a further half hour away. So all the kids got upset and I had to drop them all on his doorstep, and then drive back and it added over 90 mins for me and I nearly missed my ferry.

Another time he should have collected them on the Friday but decided he “hadn’t confirmed in writing” and so just didn’t show up. The kids were all here with their bags packed. They cried and wailed to him. I was going away on hols the Friday night and said they could come with me - which they didn’t want to do, and he agreed to come and get them on the Saturday lunchtime.

Ital all about controlling me. He openly says he gets off on it.

OP posts:
LittleBlueBrioTrain · 06/03/2023 13:56

This is a company director in a firm in the City of London btw. They heys be astounded at his behaviour.

Stop using the kids phones to communicate and every time he doesn't respond to your attempts to contact him, phone and leave a message with his secretary

XelaM · 06/03/2023 13:56

I don't think I'll ever look at a pig the same again 😬

UnbeatenMum · 06/03/2023 13:58

I don't suppose the children could get a bus or train?

Octopusmittens · 06/03/2023 13:58

WellTidy · 06/03/2023 12:15

It’s probably worth buying a pig farm in these circumstances.

Nods head

Original poster
OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 13:58

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 06/03/2023 13:56

This is a company director in a firm in the City of London btw. They heys be astounded at his behaviour.

Stop using the kids phones to communicate and every time he doesn't respond to your attempts to contact him, phone and leave a message with his secretary

Sooooo tempting. He has a departmental assistant these days. So I’d have to go through Switchboard and explain to reception too.

Fucking hell, all jokes aside, he would kill ME if I did that.

He was removed by the police, by the way. Arrested and a night in the nick, and as a consequence has decided that I’m banging all of the local constabulary, because he “did nothing.”

OP posts:
Original poster
OxygenthiefexH · 06/03/2023 13:59

UnbeatenMum · 06/03/2023 13:58

I don't suppose the children could get a bus or train?

Nope, not an option. Although I have sent them in a taxi, which he called “appalling.”

OP posts: