to think that seeing as it’s hard to dispose of a body…

[OxygenthiefexH]

I need to find a better way to manage my ex.

He is horrible.

briefly the 3 SEN teens live with me, he sees them 3 nights a month and he moved over an hour away and expects me to meet half way. He refuses to drive to our town as he says that the local police are in my pocket and I could get him arrested. He said that.

He messes me about constantly by refusing to reply to emails about contact, he pays maintenance but nothing else on our consent order as everything has to be agreed in advance, and he won’t agree to anything because he knows I pay anyway. As I type I’m at a private assessment for adhd as the local wait list is 2 years. He won’t pay for any of it and yet agrees it’s necessary.

The really crux is comms though and the only way to get ANY response is via the kids’ phones, which puts them in an awkward position. So how do I manage comms? For example confirming WHEN he will be at the meeting point for the kids, if he would swap one day so I get them for my birthday etc and vice versa.

what do I do if he won’t reply until the last minute, and even then it’s only via the kids, who are that point are crawling the walls at the uncertainty!

For your own sake you need to back away. You need to keep healthy and try to stay positive for your kids but, honestly, as much as they might love him I think you need to prepare yourself and then for the fact that he is not going to be a good father ever. He’s just using them to manipulate you and by not establishing boundaries you’re making it worse/ last longer. But the good news is that they have a good mum and that’s more than enough.

If you need money yes go to court but otherwise just step back, look after yourself, and start disengaging from it all. Emotionally and practically. If he wants to see them of course let him but he has to do the running, make the arrangements and stick to them but no more appeasement.

My first thought was you will have to communicate through his work, hence my previous comment but actually @SoonToBeQueenCamilla is right ( I never thought I’d agree with Camilla!)

He has blocked contact, not you. If he wants to speak to you he needs to unblock you to do so. Don’t use his work contact, that’s you chasing him again and dancing round him as well as playing to his story that you’re the problem.

It all sounds a nightmare, I hope you’re managing I get some moments of relaxation and time for yourself.

Another very useful piece of information. How easy is it to remove the liver, preferably without hurting the polar bear?

Refuse to accept messages from the children tell them calmly there dad has your email and phone number

Does he know this is emotional abuse of his own fucking children? What a bastard

He’s a dick. The latest reports for the EHCP of one of them, came through and I really wanted him to see it and see how far our child has come, but of course he’s blocked me. It’s THAT sort of thing.

But @Heronwatcher’s post earlier made me think. If there’s no contact then there’s no contact. The end. So I don’t have to think about his next dick email or dick text.

What is it they say; "Look for the silver lining"? I'd treat his blocking you as a respite. No nasty messages or messing you about, for one thing. And since you're doing it all without any input or help from him anyway, his blocking you might lift the 'mental energy' you've been using thinking about his nastiness.

As far as the him using the DCs as 'go betweens', as a PP said, just tell your DC "Daddy knows he needs to contact me directly about that" and nothing more. If by some chance he sends them a message slagging you off or saying nasty things about you, screen shot it. And if that happens there is nothing wrong with saying to the DC "If you want to, you can block your dad for a bit" or words to that effect.