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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
Jellybean23 · 05/03/2023 10:21

All that mattered was that baby was warm enough in the PJs.

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 10:22

Imagine is something important happened, you wouldn't cope!

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 05/03/2023 10:22

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 05/03/2023 10:20

As per this there isn't always someone to blame, sometimes people don't hear clearly or are distracted or rushing or misunderstand, it's possible SIL has something taking up her metal space and niece's clothes aren't a big priority beside what's going on in her life.

I've seen little kids out in PJs before, no body GAF except you. You should be saying thanks to SIL and MIL for the free childcare, not making a big song and dance about how DD was dressed. In future send her with clothes then they'll be no reason for any of this to happen.

Show quote history

Oops should say mum not MIL

maddy68 · 05/03/2023 10:22

Who cares? She was being well looked after.

saoirse31 · 05/03/2023 10:22

Tbh given that your child is 2 , wearing pajamas any time of the day does not look unkempt. I think you need to lighten up, a lot!

LittleBearPad · 05/03/2023 10:22

Here’s a thought…

Pack clothes for your child when relatives look after them overnight so that they aren’t dependent on the clothes that apparently are scattered around your family.

Brunts12 · 05/03/2023 10:23

Absolutely non-issue.
I’d have been grateful and happy that my child has a lovely relationship with their extended family. Mine don’t, and it bloody breaks my heart.

user143677434 · 05/03/2023 10:23

my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

YABVVVU

I thought you were going to say she was in only PJs and it was zero degrees.

I understand what you are saying about your SIL lying. Reading between the lines, I suspect it is because you are quite precious about your “poor baby” and it’s become peoples mechanism for dealing with you.

BethDuttonsTwin · 05/03/2023 10:23

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

In the nicest possible way, you’re being ridiculous. Do you not like your SIL or something?

LakeTiticaca · 05/03/2023 10:23

She's 2. Why would she, or any one else ( except you, it seems) care what a 2 year old is wearing?
Just be happy your wider family enjoy spending time with your DD!!

saraclara · 05/03/2023 10:23

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt

You're backtracking at the speed of light.

Cherryblossoms85 · 05/03/2023 10:24

Mainly struggling to work out why this merited posting on the internet really. A minor clothes SNAFU.

Donnashair · 05/03/2023 10:25

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

You don’t know she lied. She may have misheard your mum or your mum explained badly.

But honestly, if this is how you react I can see why sil would be afraid of saying ‘I was in a rush and didn’t think it was a big deal’

It IS about the PJs or you wouldn’t be using the term ‘unkempt’. If you aren’t really fussed about the PJs why would you question her and your mother in the first place?

ETref · 05/03/2023 10:25

YABU and utterly ridiculous. Either there was miscommunication or your SIL lied because she cba with your ott reaction. Either way she's done nothing wrong and you should be grateful to her for the childcare.

LlynTegid · 05/03/2023 10:25

Speak to your SIL. You want to bring your child up in a particular way and want to be consistent, to avoid any 'aunty does it this way etc' comments.

So a positive way of dealing with something I think was wrong in my book and 100% behind you in finding it unacceptable.

TheBookThieves · 05/03/2023 10:26

Find some other free childcare if you're that disgusted.

M08my · 05/03/2023 10:26

YAB hilariously U.

My SIL looked after DD for me a few weeks ago when DH and all the DGP were separately abroad/away at the same time and I was stuck for childcare. I was so pathetically grateful honestly I could have kissed her.

Also of all things to be controlling about, pyjamas? Really? All toddler clothes are basically pyjama-like (soft joggers etc)

R0ckets · 05/03/2023 10:26

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

Well it clearly isn't as the whole bloody thread centres on the fact she was taken out in Pyjamas.

Nevertheless I suggest not letting your SIL do childcare for you any longer I'm sure she will be delighted to no longer give an entire day a week without any cost to you to look after your daughter if that's how grateful you are.

BigMadAdrian · 05/03/2023 10:27

Surely this isn't for real? Nobody cares if a 2 year old is wearing pjs out and about, least of all the child itself.

feelinglikeanewparent · 05/03/2023 10:27

"it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt"

😂

Really, get a grip.

LabradorEyes · 05/03/2023 10:27

You are being a tad ridiculous

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2023 10:27

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

Stop back-pedalling.

Your OP was all about your "poor baby looking unkempt" Hmm

WandaWonder · 05/03/2023 10:28

Some weird reverse alien invasion thing?

If not then seriously? You are angry over this?

Optionschange · 05/03/2023 10:28

I'm just super curious about the set up.

You presumably didn't pack clothes for the next day?

Are you working nights? It's amazing you have TWO different family relatives happy to provide so much care. And not just sat in front of the TV but taking them out too.
And not only overnight but the next day too.

Not at all the point of the thread but I'd love to know more about your set up.

(Id you're working is it that you're fearing loss of control/time with your child to do things "your" way? Which is a common feeling.)

Thoughtful2355 · 05/03/2023 10:28

oh jeesus, i still take my toddler out in her pjs sometimes. It really doesnt matter. they are just clothes!

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