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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
M08my · 05/03/2023 10:29

"Unkempt"... this is what all toddlers look like all the time, surely? My DD is pretty much always wild-haired, covered with paint and often food.

tearsandtiaras · 05/03/2023 10:29

I don't understand why you are not dressing your own child in the morning as every other parent in the world does

ItsShiela · 05/03/2023 10:31

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

You said: but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

So it wasn't about a lie, it was about her being in her PJs.

Is your daughter your PFB? Because taking kids out in their pajamas is quite normal where I am, even sometimes adults will duck in the shop at 10:30pm at night in their pjs, or early in the morning. It's normal. Totally normal where I am. And neither children nor the adults look 'unkempt' thank you very much! You sound very snobby and very judgmental. I'd prefer to look 'unkempt' than have your narrow-minded Hyacinth Bucket-type attitude.

Oddbobbyboo · 05/03/2023 10:32

This is your issue. In the grand scheme of things.... nobody has been hurt. Your daughter is dressed, fed and being cared for. Probably more appropriate that you're grateful for your family pulling their weight to help raise your child... you are very lucky.

They clearly know that you're not happy about her being out in her pyjamas so I imagine it's highly unlikely that this will happen again and you can dress her yourself.

This isn't a neglect issue.... and I don't believe that your daughter would have been affected.

FiddleLeaf · 05/03/2023 10:33

YABU and wildly over reacting.

CupEmpty · 05/03/2023 10:33

You are so incredibly lucky to have this help and support. Don’t take it for granted.

GotABeatForYouMama · 05/03/2023 10:33

YBVVVVU. Wait until your LO is old enough to dress themselves, trust me, you'll look back and laugh at how you thought PJ's in public was the worst thing your DC would wear.

Original poster
pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:33

@Optionschange I was having a really rough day with my 4 month old and toddler. DM took DD1 for the night to ease the burden. She picked her up and left the bag of clothes behind.

Neither of us realised until later that evening. SIL usually has DD1 that day of the week and had some clothes.

OP posts:
Igenix4 · 05/03/2023 10:33

Oh joy. Another mum who is going to teach her child it is only acceptable to be seen in public if you look a certain way or wear certain things

FiddleLeaf · 05/03/2023 10:33

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/03/2023 10:20

I'd probably lie to you if this is how you react to stuff.

😂100%. I would even do it for sport, sorry.

Flamingogirl08 · 05/03/2023 10:34

Jesus Christ almighty, get a grip or pay for childcare or provide clothes!

BellePeppa · 05/03/2023 10:34

What’s the issue? Is it that it was too cold to be in her pj’s or was there another reason to be annoyed?

gettingolderbutcooler · 05/03/2023 10:34

'Unkempt baby'????
Get over yourself. Your poor relatives 😩

gogohmm · 05/03/2023 10:34

You are obviously highly reliant on family help, be grateful!

IglesiasPiggl · 05/03/2023 10:34

It sounds like one of life's mix ups. I would let it go, it doesn't sound like a regular thing. As an aside, though, surely the solution is to send your DD to your mum's with clothing for the next day instead of relying on others to take responsibility for this?

ChrisPPancake · 05/03/2023 10:34

YABU. What proof have you that she lied anyway? Dc's pyjamas can look like ordinary clothes, plus your mum had already put her coat on? Why don't you have an issue with your mum?
And why would you send your child somewhere for a sleepover without clothes?!

Mumskisail · 05/03/2023 10:35

Honestly does it matter? It was probably quite fun and I'm sure it was a one off

Cosyblankets · 05/03/2023 10:36

Did the world end? Did i miss that bit?

ItsShiela · 05/03/2023 10:36

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/03/2023 10:20

I'd probably lie to you if this is how you react to stuff.

Yes. OP sounds extremely hard work imo. I'd lie to them to if this is how they react over something so completely normal. It's easier having a 2 year old in pjs than dressing them anyway. Why bother.

gogohmm · 05/03/2023 10:36

Now our adult DD's not getting dressed I do whinge about, basic decorum to bother to shower and dress before the (evening) dinner I have cooked having also been tk work when they have been home all day! 2 year old, chill

LaraXX · 05/03/2023 10:36

Just be grateful you've got people swanning around collecting your child, having them overnight, and then passing them to other family members. That's a lot of help. Let it go, whoever lied it was prob because they sensed it being a non issue and you making it into an issue.

Augustone · 05/03/2023 10:37

I think you need to seriously chill out. You have a mum and sister in law who look after your child for you so you obviously trust them. To create a drama out of this is so over the top and could spoil the relationship you and your daughter have with them. If you were my SIL and made such a drama out of this I would maybe think twice about the regular childcare provision.

BungleandGeorge · 05/03/2023 10:37

The responses are savage because you’re being so incredibly unreasonable! Your child was at no risk whatsoever and was having a nice day out with a relative. There’s no reason to suspect either is lying. MIL presumed something and there was no communication to SIL. Why do you send a child for a sleepover with no spare clothes? Why do you drop her off for childcare without even bothering to give breakfast or get her dressed?

dottiedodah · 05/03/2023 10:37

So a toddler went out in her Pjs! Stop he press already .Honestly it matters not a jot.You are lucky to have family ready to step in for you.Really no worries its a non issue

stripedcurtains · 05/03/2023 10:38

YABU.

You are fortunate to have some great childcare, your child is growing up with the love and care of your extended family. How lucky for both of you. Don't spoil this by worrying about pyjamas or small inconsistencies in what your relatives said. It really doesn't matter and to be angry for a whole week is an extreme overreaction.

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