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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 05/03/2023 10:02

Do you dislike your SIL?

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 05/03/2023 10:02

Poor baby being taken out to a nice cafe with a loving Auntie.

Give your head a wobble. She'll be fine.

Murraydeservedit · 05/03/2023 10:02

My 2 year old is sat in her baby shark PJs now as she loves them and is refusing to take them off. Will she still want to wear them when I leave for sainsbury’s in half an hour? Possibly. The world will keep turning.

It’s not something to get worked up over.

Also, you had two people kind enough and that you presumably trust to look after your child for a night and day. Was dd happy? That’s all that counts.

Let it go.

NomadicSpirit · 05/03/2023 10:02

Your sil is doing you a favour. If you want her to stop doing that favour, then keep on complaining. Your daughter is 2, she won't care how she looked and no one will have thought it was down to you as she was with your sil.

Oh and they both could have been telling the truth just one misheard or didn't take it in or one didn't explain properly as they were in a rush.

PutinTheFuckingBasket · 05/03/2023 10:02

Wtf? Yabu. My 2 year old would much rather spend every day in pyjamas. As long as she was warm enough there is no issue.

Do you have other things in your life you could focus on, as this seems like you have too much time on your hands and are looking for problems.

LouLou198 · 05/03/2023 10:02

A lot of pjs for children that age look like normal clothes, ie leggings and a top. I assume SIL is providing childcare for you free of charge? In the nicest possible way you sound hard work.
Dd2 was on the school run in her pjs and a coat many times when she was a baby/toddler. I doubt anyone cared or noticed.

Spiderboy · 05/03/2023 10:02

Lots of kids pj bottoms could look like kids daytime clothing. It sounds like SIL assumed she was ready since she had her coat on. It’s not a big deal really. You sound lucky to have people around to look after your daughter and take her out and some confusion over her bottoms is not a big deal.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/03/2023 10:02

So your SIL does one day a week of childcare? Do you pay her?

GrazingSheep · 05/03/2023 10:02

Pay for childcare. Problem solved.

Holly60 · 05/03/2023 10:03

YABU. This is not a problem

Whataretheodds · 05/03/2023 10:03

Did the pyjamas match the coat?

BeeBB · 05/03/2023 10:03

YABU for letting your child stay here there and everywhere, not ensuring she has a change of clothes with her and then moaning about SIL’s photo.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 05/03/2023 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 05/03/2023 10:04

I had to go back to see what age dd was. If I had seen your SiL in a coffee shop with a 10yr old in pj's I may have thought why is she not dressed, but a 2yr old?? No concerns what so ever, would probably have thought 'so cute.
As a parent I def wouldn't be dwelling on it a week later!

Topseyt123 · 05/03/2023 10:04

I don't think this is really an issue.

PutinTheFuckingBasket · 05/03/2023 10:04

Whataretheodds · 05/03/2023 10:03

Did the pyjamas match the coat?

🤣

Lavender14 · 05/03/2023 10:04

Is it not possible that there was a breakdown in communication between Mil and sil sil mum hands the child over and didn't mention she wasn't dressed. Sil is thinking about the days plans and bundles dd into the car without registering that she's in her jammies and then promises dd all the fun things they're going to go do that morning. Arrives and realises she's in jammies so then she's faced with a) get child back in the car and risk a meltdown because what child would be happy with that when they think they're getting out to do something fun or b) make the best of it and change dd when she gets home.

I'd pick b in that situation personally. Yabu.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 05/03/2023 10:04

YABU
Your toddler won’t give a stuff. Neither will anyone who sees her. She’s 2, ffs. I’m sure she had a lovely time in the café with her aunt.

Ffsmakeitstop · 05/03/2023 10:04

Adults out in PJ's is minging. Toddlers out in PJ's is fine. If you don't like it look after your own child.

Veenah · 05/03/2023 10:04

You're in a fortunate position where you've a mother and SIL who both help with childcare. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. This is a non-issue.

doubtfulguest · 05/03/2023 10:05

Unless there is other info you have left out, I think you are over reacting and you should figure out why this is bothering you so much. If this small issue is causing you so much angst you should make other arrangements. It would appear you are lucky to have a caring family member that is willing and able to give their time and love to your child. Don't damage your relationships over such a trifle.

trilbydoll · 05/03/2023 10:05

I would love to be a fly on the wall at your house when your dd starts refusing to get dressed and insisting on going out in her pjs.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 05/03/2023 10:05

Why would you take your child to your MIl for a sleepover without making sure that you had provided everything that your child would need, including a change of clothes and spares in case of spills?

Ultimately it doesn't matter at all that a child was out in their pjs but the responsibility for providing clothing is yours not your families.

Murraydeservedit · 05/03/2023 10:05

Why didn’t you send a couple of changes of clothes?

ThinWomansBrain · 05/03/2023 10:05

aside from the pattern, PJs often like day clothes - as long as she wasn't out in something really scanty, does it matter?
Good of SIL (and DM?) to provide regular childcare - if you don't like it, look after her yourself or pay for childcare which puts you in a position to dictate standards.

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