Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
Annoyingwurringnoise · 05/03/2023 10:11

So, who cares? What terrible disasters do you think will befall your child because they’re out in their PJs?

really, seriously, you have willing free childcare, and you’re bitching about this? You ungrateful sod.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/03/2023 10:12

OP, I'm sorry that you're getting a pasting on here, but hopefully the responses will help you to see that you're being really ridiculous. It doesn't matter, your child is fine and it certainly isn't worth worrying about a week later!!

Do you pay your SIL for childcare? If so, then I think it's fine to ask her to dress dd before going out in future. If you don't pay, then just be really grateful for the help that she is kindly offering and accept that there will be lots of little things that she does differently from you. As long as your dd is safe and happy, that's all that matters.

Tinkerbyebye · 05/03/2023 10:12

Yabu

Wakeywake · 05/03/2023 10:13

The only thing you and your DH should say to SIL and MIL is thank you.

MissMarplesbag · 05/03/2023 10:13

I wouldn't take my neice out if I knew her mum was going to whinge like you are. Stop being an ungrateful cow, get your priorities straight & nurture the relationship between your child & sil. Give your head a wobble get some therapy because you sound petty and hard work in real life

WhoHidTheCoffee · 05/03/2023 10:13

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t assume either of them is lying. I say this as a parent very familiar with children’s clothes: a lot of kids’ pyjamas these days are gorgeous! Your SIL may have thought your DD was wearing leggings and a top or similar. I am sure she didn’t look unkempt. And nobody would care if they did think she was in PJs at that age.

TellSomeoneElse · 05/03/2023 10:14

This doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It’s a bit lazy and I wouldn’t necessarily like it but you need to take a deep breath and get a grip on yourself. All this talk of unkempt and poor baby and LYING, it’s all completely out of proportion and you need some perspective.

SoupDragon · 05/03/2023 10:15

it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

😂😂

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/03/2023 10:15

t it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt

Get a grip. She's 2.

YABVU

Fundays12 · 05/03/2023 10:16

Is this a troll thread? Seriously why was your child at your mums without clothes in the first place? Unless it was an emergency that’s your fault not hers. Why are you relying on your SIL clothes to dress your child?

You should be thankfully for there help not whinging because you didn’t provide clothes to dress her in.

toomuchlaundry · 05/03/2023 10:16

How did your DD get to your MIL’s without any clothes for the next day?

Wat2do222 · 05/03/2023 10:16

It sounds like your daughter was having a lovely treat with her auntie, she was safe and cared for. Placing such a high value on what a 2 year old is wearing on a one-off occasion is not healthy for either of you

WhiteFire · 05/03/2023 10:17

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/03/2023 10:15

t it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt

Get a grip. She's 2.

YABVU

One day, OP, when they are deciding themselves what to wear you will yearn for the days of pj's.

Schleep · 05/03/2023 10:18

Is this a reverse?
The "my poor baby" line feels odd.

From what I can see your Mum and SIL provide regular, free childcare and your child is safe and happy?

Original poster
pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

OP posts:
unclebuck · 05/03/2023 10:18

you need to say something for sure. Something like "thanks for being such a kind Aunty and giving so much of your time to DD. Taking her out to a coffee shop is very generous, can I do anything to help you this week"

This sort of thing is perfect.

Bakingmamma · 05/03/2023 10:19

I’m speechless. This is a joke right? She 2, not 12! She won’t care if she’s in pjs!!

MissMarplesbag · 05/03/2023 10:19

I bet the op was expecting validation for her TOWIE traits instead of being ripped apart for being ungrateful and vacuous.

Soapnotshowergel · 05/03/2023 10:19

Why didn't you give your mum some clothes for the next day? That seems to be the point where this went wrong. It's your responsibility to provide clothing for your child, not your SIL.

I couldn't get worked up about this. DD2 went to nursery in her PJ's for world book Day this week. She's been out on the school run in her PJ's more than once. MIL once put DD1 in a clean pair of PJ's for the day thinking that it was a nice matching outfit. She was doing me a favour so it was fine. No one has yet called social services or the fashion police on me.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/03/2023 10:20

I'd probably lie to you if this is how you react to stuff.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 05/03/2023 10:20

NomadicSpirit · 05/03/2023 10:02

Your sil is doing you a favour. If you want her to stop doing that favour, then keep on complaining. Your daughter is 2, she won't care how she looked and no one will have thought it was down to you as she was with your sil.

Oh and they both could have been telling the truth just one misheard or didn't take it in or one didn't explain properly as they were in a rush.

As per this there isn't always someone to blame, sometimes people don't hear clearly or are distracted or rushing or misunderstand, it's possible SIL has something taking up her metal space and niece's clothes aren't a big priority beside what's going on in her life.

I've seen little kids out in PJs before, no body GAF except you. You should be saying thanks to SIL and MIL for the free childcare, not making a big song and dance about how DD was dressed. In future send her with clothes then they'll be no reason for any of this to happen.

DumpedByText · 05/03/2023 10:20

Get a grip, it's an honest mistake and the baby will be clueless! Can't believe you've actually got time to still be worrying about this 🙄

Donnashair · 05/03/2023 10:20

Sounds like no one was lying. Some miscommunication more likely.

It really doesn’t matter that your dd was out in PJs at all.

If someone saw your child and thought ‘oh can’t believe that woman room that child out in PJs’. What impact does that have on anybody at all?

No one is going see you child in a week or a year or 5 years and say ‘that child was once took out in PJs’. You aren’t going to get labelled as the mum who let her sil take her dd out in pjs for the rest of your life.

It’s really clear you believe your sil is lying, not your mum. You want your husband to speak to her and worrying you almost a week later. Sounds to me you have some sort of issue with Sil tbh and trying to make this into something it not, so that someone can pull her up on it. In which case, why is she looking after your child?

Notimeforaname · 05/03/2023 10:20

Yabu..and precious. Its fine .

If you want to control what your daughter wears,stop having other people take care of her.

saraclara · 05/03/2023 10:21

It isn't about my child being in her pjs

It clearly is, or you wouldn't have angsted Abbott your ' poor baby being unkempt'.