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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
BertaHoon · 06/03/2023 20:33

Your poor unkempt baby.

Fucks sake.

maria57 · 06/03/2023 20:38

Your SIL looks after your child one day a week while you do XYZ.
Why not show appreciation for what she does for you instead of looking for problems that are not there!!
What harm did your SIL do????
Why do you think your Mum or SIL where lying???
Alot of Pyjamas today look like casual wear...even for children.

Your Sister in Law could have thought your daughter was dressed!
Either way it was a one off...and no harm was done.

Justbefair · 06/03/2023 20:46

How nice your Mum and SIL look after dd and have her overnight, I would just be so grateful! The pj outing wasn't a big deal, hard to tell the difference between those and lounge pants anyway? When in their care let them do what they want unless it's something worth complaining about.

celticprincess · 06/03/2023 20:50

At the age of 2 I couldn’t get stressed with this. Let it go.

Pyjamas look much nicer that some of the combinations of clothes my now ex DH would dress my DD in when he was responsible for having her for the day and I’d not left a specific out fit out for him.

II’ve also put some clothes from DD1 in the loft and DD2 has worn them 3 years later and some PJs really just looked like leggings and a T-shirt and I’ve not realised myself.

I also bought a couple of onesie shortie sets for the summer one year for my DD to wear out and then realised much later that they were actually shortie PJ onsies and not actual daytime wear. She might have even been around the age of 7 at this point!!

It’s possibly neither were lying. MIL may have assumed SIL would notice and dress her so didn’t actually verbalise that she needed dressing, then SIL put her straight in the car not realising as first look could be just legging/joggers and a top.

I also can’t believe you sent her to sleep over at your mum’s without clothes. Even if you were assuming the usual would happen when she dropped at SIL. I actually can’t believe you don’t send clothes to SIL. My mum used to have clothes at her house but were more for spares for when they inevitable threw up on themselves (awful reflux) or fell in the mud or something. But I’d always send them dressed or with some clothes.

Stravaig · 06/03/2023 20:52

Just checked the dictionary definition of unkempt. Pretty sure this is my intrinsic style.

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs
Luredbyapomegranate · 06/03/2023 20:53

Who cares? Toddler clothes look like PJs most of the time. They are looking after your baby, be appreciative.

Fluffmum · 06/03/2023 20:54

Yabu

MarvellousMonsters · 06/03/2023 21:08

Wow, I'd wouldn't have cared if my SIL (or any family member) had taken my 2 yr old out in PJs, or fancy dress for that matter, I would've just been grateful for that level of family support and interaction. Your DD won't have cared that she was still in her PJs, as long as she was warm and comfy, YABU, or at least overreacting, your baby was 'unkempt' Shock Is she your Precious First Born by any chance??

CelestiaNoctis · 06/03/2023 21:13

She's 2.....

Sillybanana · 06/03/2023 21:15

Yabu! Do you know how lucky you are to have so much family support? The pjs for one day is nothing!

olympicsrock · 06/03/2023 21:15

Glad you have seen sense OP. I once went to Euston station in my tartan pyjamas as I would miss the train if I changed.
No biggie !

KarmaStar · 06/03/2023 22:10

And?
So you sil didn't take a clean outfit,picked her up and they sent straight out.
your dc was safe,fed,happy and you had free? Childcare and all you have to do is worry about pyjamas?
be grateful for all you have.
being so uptight is really not healthy for you.don't go making points,you'll offend people and appear controlling and passive aggressive op.
think of the good things that happened that day,and every day,don't dwell on negatives,it just brings you down.🌻

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 06/03/2023 23:01

Doesn’t matter one bit. YABU

nannykatherine · 06/03/2023 23:11

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

Lol
does it really matter ???
no one would notice anyway

Chilesstanton · 06/03/2023 23:12

Surely there are other things you can upset yourself about? Yabvu.

Chuck2015 · 06/03/2023 23:32

Are you serious? If this is all you have to worry about I envy you. We have no family support, consider yourself damn lucky you have a mum and SIL helping you out.
And shes 2 for goodness sake! Jesus

GullibleMuM · 07/03/2023 00:11

Yabvu

Mamanyt · 07/03/2023 01:03

Not worth getting in a stew over. Your DD was comfy, and could not have cared less, so long as she was comfy. She is TWO, not twenty-two.

And why do one of the other parties have to be "lying?" Perhaps SIL was simply unobservant (or unthinking), and perhaps your mun DID think SIL would dress her, but did not specifically mention it to her.

You have a bit over 16 years, at the least, of "at home parenting" before your DD is out on her own. This is going to be one of the least of the issues you face. Let it go, and put it in perspective. It's small potatoes.

thismamayogi · 07/03/2023 01:21

My kids get to choose what they wear. My three year old often goes out in her PJs. They happen to about the best clothing item I own for her - I splashed out on organic cotton and am more than happy for her to wear them where she likes! Once dirty - wash! What a concept. My seven year old is addicted to onesies. I hate the polyester material they’re usually made from, but she won’t wear anything else. Wherever we go, she’s a rabbit or she’s covered in horsies 🤣🤣. My autistic teen has certain clothes that are “allowed” for certain places only. She has a particular pair of PJ s that she wears every single night. I rarely get to wash them as
she hates to be without them. I love the days I am “allowed” to. My only son usually refuses to put on a coat. I’d be delighted if he’d go out in PJs. I’m so busy my baby often wears the same vest and babygro for days on end, unless she sicks on it…. ironically, most of my kids sleep stark naked 🤣🤣🤣🤣.
chill out.
you do seem to have some watertight childcare in place. It can be hard to let go if others are looking after your kids (this happens pretty much never for me) - but as long as you trust those carers, then let go.
Either you’ll learn, or you may end up being a mother who misses lots of fun through being up tight. One of my realisations by roughly the baby number three/four point was - 99% of what you think matters, doesn’t. And you are probably ignoring the 1% that does.

Popatop · 07/03/2023 02:51

Your SIL provides childcare and a special night away once a WEEK and you’re worried she went out in pjs once - wow ungrateful or what!!

Castleontheisland · 07/03/2023 04:49

Get a grip op! I watched my niece the other month and I thought her pretty pyjamas were a track suit. Thank your lucky stars you sil helps out with your daughter!

Ukrainebaby23 · 07/03/2023 05:51

I think I would be bothered that she likely hadn't had a wash or nappy change if they hadn't changed the clothes. Otherwise why would you leave her in pj's?

Actually going out in pj's doesn't matter to me, but I like to have had a wash.

RachaelN · 07/03/2023 06:06

My kids go to the chippy round the corner on a Friday night wearing their PJ's and onesies. As far as I am aware no has died and the world hasn't come to an end. We live in a posh village in Scotland. Rocking the boat 😂

Thehonestbadger · 07/03/2023 06:43

I’d like to think had you mentioned that you also had a 4 month old in your OP we’d have cut you a bit more slack.

I certainly would have 😂
I was mental for the first 6 months after giving birth to my second; absolutely would have blown nonsense things like this out of proportion too. Don’t get me wrong I’d still have told you that you were crackers 😂 but I’d have been a bit more gentle about it!

mustgetoffmn · 07/03/2023 08:27

You need to identify what’s really bothering you. It sounds as though you are in a bad place for some reason nothing to do with pjs. Do you have somewhere you can get support?