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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
monsterradeliciosa · 06/03/2023 18:32

I’d assume she was exhausted and/or didn’t hear /register that detail
but it’s it really an issue

Fuckstix · 06/03/2023 18:33

Why assume she lied? Probably some miscommunication that hasn't been accurately recalled as it's so incredibly unmemorable. You're the one that didn't provide clothes. You have extensive family support with childcare. Stop being so petty and looking for trouble and instead count your blessings and work on developing a sense of humour. Christ.

EternalCountrygirl · 06/03/2023 18:39

I'm normally understanding but you are being seriously unreasonable. Your daughter was looked after and loved, being in her pjs really is so very unimportant. That's what life with small children is like, it happens sometimes in all families. Things will get a lot messier than that in life, be prepared and be reasonable.

EternalCountrygirl · 06/03/2023 18:41

Fuckstix · 06/03/2023 18:33

Why assume she lied? Probably some miscommunication that hasn't been accurately recalled as it's so incredibly unmemorable. You're the one that didn't provide clothes. You have extensive family support with childcare. Stop being so petty and looking for trouble and instead count your blessings and work on developing a sense of humour. Christ.

totally this

CrazyLadie · 06/03/2023 18:41

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 05/03/2023 10:07

I took my 16 month old out in a onesie to get pizza (him - not me!).

We were having the ultimate lazy day.

No one fainted from shock.

My boy has a pug onsie, he is 12 and trying to get him out if it at weekends is not worth the fight. He evwn refuses to take it off when I ask him to go to the local shop, if he's happy and all that 😅😅

ScreamingBeans · 06/03/2023 18:41

Why the fuck does it matter?

OheeOheeOh · 06/03/2023 18:41

I couldn't get that worked up over this, as long as they are washed and teeth brushed, that's the main thing. My husband doesn't usually select outfits for our children, it's my "area", but I was busy working one day when he was off with the kids, he sent me a lovely pic of them out together, to which I replied you do realise you've dressed x (our 18 month old) in pjs, clean on, but pjs never the less. He said they just looked like clothes, how's he meant to know 😆, they do really to be fair.

Don't shoot yourself in the foot with the free childcare, get her dressed at home before being dropped off.

ThePoshUns · 06/03/2023 18:42

What a fuss over nothing.

KateKateLee · 06/03/2023 18:44

Unless she was in some skimpy hugely inappropriate number, does it actually matter? Or was it freezing and she wasn’t warm enough? My DH once sent our daughter to nursery in her PJs. I was really annoyed but that was because it meant he hadn’t taken her out of her night nappy and it was likely to be huge. I was worried nursery would think we were bad parents. I’m surprised our daughter didn’t say anything.

SaltedButty · 06/03/2023 18:46

If you're that angry about it, deduct her a day's pay in childcare..

T1Dmama · 06/03/2023 18:52

You strike me as very ungrateful.
Your SIL looks after your child for 1 day every week and you’re complaining about her not realising she wasn’t dressed?!
you’ve stated that usually you drop her off and she dresses her, great… however this time she had to leave the house and pick her up from your mothers… so no doubt she picked her up on her way out.. not much point going back home.. toddlers are always out in their pj’s and no one else cares. Unless she had dinner from the night before down her I’d let it go!!
Also why didn’t you make sure she had a change of clothes for the morning, that’s your responsibility not your SIL’s.

Mum23amazingkids · 06/03/2023 18:53

Why are you making such a fuss over this ? She is a toddler at 2 , I see them in Pjs and in onesies all the time . I took my 14 month old in pjs out today to take her sister to school . It’s not exactly important

mamaandbabas · 06/03/2023 18:57

Why do you not keep spare clothing for your child at your mum's home?

T1Dmama · 06/03/2023 19:01

It’s quite possible your MIL told her but she either misunderstood or didn’t actually listen…
let it go… accusing her of lying is extremely offensive and if someone accused me of lying about whether I’d heard something or not I’d probably tell them to look after their own kid every Monday from now on!

LunaTheCat · 06/03/2023 19:03

When I was in UK over Xmas I saw a heap teenagers in their oodies and well groomed hair and docs… your 2 year old is way ahead in trend terms! I bet he thought it was great!

Chubbymoo · 06/03/2023 19:04

I really would have just laughed about this. It’s not a massive deal. Plus be grateful you have the family help.

Newusernameaug · 06/03/2023 19:05

FFS get a grip! One day you’ll look back and realise how lucky you are to have this sort of support and how ungrateful your being

Cherrysherbet · 06/03/2023 19:06

Sounds like your DD is loved by her Grandmother and Auntie. They want to spend time with her, and I’m guessing are doing you a huge favour.

YABVU. Who cares about pjs? She’s 2 fgs.

Hellybelly84 · 06/03/2023 19:07

We dont have a single bit of family support (just not close enough to help on a regular basis) so I really wouldn’t get stressed over one tiny thing. I would be incredibly grateful you have free childcare and im presuming you trust both your Mum and SIL to look after her well, or you wouldn’t have left her with them in the first place.

You could make sure you always leave a few items of clothing at any house she is regularly at. I really wouldn’t worry one bit - I wouldn’t be able to tell if a young girl was in patterned pjs or a patterned top and trousers set (some of them look so similar).

Dont stress the small stuff when they are young…the proper stuff to stress you out will be here before you know it.

Novatherova · 06/03/2023 19:08

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

Why didn't you make sure your poor baby had clean clothes when going to spend the night at your mums and SIL?

Its not their responsibility to get your baby washed and dressed, that's yours??

Your SIL may be fed up getting the child washed and dressed ready to go out. Really you should make sure the child is fed and dressed when dropping them off at SIL for the majority of the time.

Odd times here and there yes, I wouldn't mind getting them ready and stuff. But if it happened repeatedly I'd be annoyed.

Also when are you parenting the child? Sending them out not fed and dressed for them to stay out for two nights without clean clothes?

Hostofgoldendaffodils · 06/03/2023 19:14

Life's too short

Stravaig · 06/03/2023 19:16

I'm a bit disappointed that OP hasn't returned brandishing A Pictorial Guide To The Proper Attire And Deportment of Two Year Olds in Polite Society. We've been cruelly deprived of some merciless mockery and wildly escalating contrary examples. 'I'll see your mud-clarted pyjamas and raise you ...'

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 06/03/2023 19:18

YABvu

Lamaitresse · 06/03/2023 19:19

You’re overthinking this. It really doesn’t matter. Sounds like a misunderstanding to me.

Forgottenpeeves · 06/03/2023 19:19

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😘😘😘