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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
Griefgood · 05/03/2023 20:40

@saraclara grandma had toddler etc, she wasn't given the clothes to take.

Notsandwiches · 05/03/2023 20:43

I think with something this terrible you should probably just look after your own child. Not sure how you've slept since.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/03/2023 21:58

Stravaig · 05/03/2023 20:35

but grandma left them behind when she picked up the baby.

No, this is the wrong attitude. Grandma didn't leave them behind. OP failed to see Grandma and child and bag of clothes safely out of the door. OP's responsibility.

Exactly, I always made sure regular care givers kept a spare set of clothes at their house anyway 🤷‍♀️ if it mattered that much to op then she shouldn't have forgotten to give her mil the clothes.

JustSoTired23 · 05/03/2023 22:01

Non issue

Yourcatisnotsorry · 06/03/2023 17:46

Yabu and if she’s looking after her for free you need a massive reality check and to be more appreciative of this huge favour.

Scotslass171 · 06/03/2023 17:47

Could've been worse. SIL could've worn her pj's as well!!!!!

Mumof3PrettyBoys · 06/03/2023 17:50

Did DD have a good time with SIL? If she did there should be nothing on your mind other than being grateful DD enjoyed her coffee shop date with her Aunt and being snug as a bug in her Pj's! I'm sure DD didnt mind

Chias · 06/03/2023 17:56

Considering you don’t dress DD before sending her round to your SIL, I don’t think you can really object to this.

JennyWren87 · 06/03/2023 17:59

Siameasy · 05/03/2023 09:57

Like the baby cares.

😂😂😂

AllyArty · 06/03/2023 17:59

Are you mum and SIL child minding while you work and ru paying them? Did your child get a cold or did they feel embarrassed about being in their pjs? I’d let it pass and make sure they your mum and SIL have a spare set of clothes for your little one.

MMUmum · 06/03/2023 18:00

It's a standing family joke that my sister took DD out in her pyjamas as she thought they were a top and trousers, they were pretty and it didn't matter because she was only 2. Let it go and try to laugh about it

Lozois99 · 06/03/2023 18:11

YABU. Its your kid, if you’re that precious then provide everything that the babysitters might need.

Solonge · 06/03/2023 18:13

Is this your first child? Truly not important…no one judges babies in PJs. Doesnt matter one jot. My friend the wife of a judge had to drop her 9 year old off at a friends one morning quite early, my friend over slept so quickly got her daughter ready and hopped in the car in her nightie…a very short nightie with matching pants. The car broke down, you can imagine the rest. This was thirty years ago in Scotland…no mobile phone. She brazened it out. Get things in perspective, doesnt matter.

MrsTurner3 · 06/03/2023 18:14

YABU. I don't think it's a case they were "lying", more likely just a miscommunication about something minor which isn't vital to your child's safety. Your LO was warm, clothed, taken out for a change of scenery (and I imagine fed and watered if she was in a coffee shop) and looked after for you. You are actually very lucky to be in such a position. What more do you want from what I'm assuming is free childcare?

Tofeelsick · 06/03/2023 18:18

YABVU

this really is a nothing thing to be worried about.

if you are not happy with this tiny thing then don’t continue to ask your family to have her

WildRose42 · 06/03/2023 18:19

As longs as your child was dressed, warm and happy, that’s all that matters. Don’t stress any about it, honestly, you are over reacting. Children don’t care what they’re wearing, she was having an nice time with her Aunt, that’s what’s important. It’s not worth getting your knickers in a twist for. Your hubby must feel under pressure to have to bring it up too, just be grateful your SIL and mum are there to help out.

steff13 · 06/03/2023 18:19

I love that she "knowingly" took her out in her pjs. Your sister-in-law, knowingly, and with malice aforethought, took your daughter out in PUBLIC in her PAJAMAS!

I get you're upset that she lied, but maybe she was surprised that it was an issue and lied to cover her ass. The lie was harmless, and I think we've all told a white lie or two to make life a bit easier.

TokyoSushi · 06/03/2023 18:23

Not RTFT but why on Earth does it matter?

Are your family members paid to do childcare or are they doing you a favour?

Or is this a reverse and somebody is moaning at you OP? Because nobody would be upset with this...

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 06/03/2023 18:25

What difference does it make? Was she warm enough?

magicthree · 06/03/2023 18:25

You are being ridiculous. Your "poor baby" wouldn't have cared less, and so what if your SIL "lied". You are going to have a tough life if you are going to overthink every little thing relating to your child.

Sceptre86 · 06/03/2023 18:26

If she has your child once a week then you can't micromanage her, either she is responsible enough to take care of your child or she isn't. I wouldn't want my kid going out in their pjs I I could help it either. If this is an issue for you make sure she is dressed and if anyone has her overnight they should have a spare change of clothes, another set of pjs and fresh underwear. What would they have done had she been sick or got her pjs dirty? I appreciate you were struggling with your other child but it takes less than 2 minutes to pack a bag.

Heyhoitsme · 06/03/2023 18:28

You are lucky to have your child looked after. Stop sweating the small stuff. It doesn't matter what the child wore.

SnoringPains · 06/03/2023 18:30

My 3 year old DS wore his PJs to B&Q at the weekend, i think he’ll survive the childhood trauma. Sometimes toddlers don’t want to get dressed, and sometimes I haven’t got the energy to argue. YABVU.

BTMadmummy · 06/03/2023 18:30

YABVU

Middleagedspreadisreal · 06/03/2023 18:32

Dear god. Take yourself to an intensive care unit of a childrens hospital or a childrens hospice. Then ask yourself if your child going out in her pj's is a drama.

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