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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 05/03/2023 16:56

She is 2. So what.

bussteward · 05/03/2023 17:04

SeasonFinale · 05/03/2023 16:56

She is 2. So what.

Well, it’s a gateway drug, isn’t it. First it’s pyjamas in a cafe. Then it’s having fun in the park. Next it’s kicking off her shoes to climb a tree. She’ll end up in the school playground, playing hopscotch with her tie askew, leading a game of jump rope with her shirt untucked. Having – whisper it – fun.

MidgeHardcastle · 05/03/2023 17:15

You seem a bit obsessed with close relatives 'lying' to you. Myself I would immediately think that there was a bit of miscommunication or both of them thought it was no big deal. Honestly, you will give yourself an ulcer thinking the worst of people all the time.

As an aside, dress and breakfast your child before sending them off, I'm sure you would make an effort for nursery or childminder. Maybe sil just thinks that as your own parenting isn't regimented you wouldn't see the pjs thing as a problem. And don't let dh call her ffs!

GotABeatForYouMama · 05/03/2023 17:17

bussteward · 05/03/2023 17:04

Well, it’s a gateway drug, isn’t it. First it’s pyjamas in a cafe. Then it’s having fun in the park. Next it’s kicking off her shoes to climb a tree. She’ll end up in the school playground, playing hopscotch with her tie askew, leading a game of jump rope with her shirt untucked. Having – whisper it – fun.

Show quote history

My (then), 5 year old DD was in deep. Bright green t-shirt, bright blue shorts and (because she couldn't make up her mind what to wear on her feet), 1 hi-top and 1 trainer, all because I took her to the corner shop in her pj's. The shame.

Ladyofthesea · 05/03/2023 17:18

Regardless of my opinion of the situation: if you don't like or trust the childcare given to you then don't use it.

SeasonFinale · 05/03/2023 17:23

bussteward · 05/03/2023 17:04

Well, it’s a gateway drug, isn’t it. First it’s pyjamas in a cafe. Then it’s having fun in the park. Next it’s kicking off her shoes to climb a tree. She’ll end up in the school playground, playing hopscotch with her tie askew, leading a game of jump rope with her shirt untucked. Having – whisper it – fun.

Show quote history

🎈🤣🤣🤣

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 17:44

Well I'm assuming the child wore some clothes the day before then got changed into her pyjamas. So when the child had removed her clothes the night before and put on her pyjamas those clothes could have gone into the wash and dried. Ready to be worn today. There's no mention of her arriving in pyjamas and with nothing else. I used to get my son bathed ready for bed and my mum would take him to her's. So all she had to do was put him in his travel cot. Always with a couple of changes of clothes nappies favourite blanket and favourite toy buggy etc. Have I missed anything out?

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 05/03/2023 17:46

Get a life! She was wearing PJs, not snorting crack off a hookers navel 😂

cadburyegg · 05/03/2023 17:56

Omg yabu I used to take my ds2 on the school run in the pushchair with his pyjamas still on up until he was about 3. I still do it if one of them is ill

Madbadanddangeroustoo · 05/03/2023 18:44

Good on SIL for braving a coffee shop with a 2 year old, pj's or not.

Delatron · 05/03/2023 19:10

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 17:44

Well I'm assuming the child wore some clothes the day before then got changed into her pyjamas. So when the child had removed her clothes the night before and put on her pyjamas those clothes could have gone into the wash and dried. Ready to be worn today. There's no mention of her arriving in pyjamas and with nothing else. I used to get my son bathed ready for bed and my mum would take him to her's. So all she had to do was put him in his travel cot. Always with a couple of changes of clothes nappies favourite blanket and favourite toy buggy etc. Have I missed anything out?

Why would the rest of the family be rushing around washing and drying clothes just because the OP never packs any and expects the SIL to always dress her child?

Her Mum would have known SIL had clothes at her house. SIL quite reasonably decided to pop out for coffee (after going all the way over to her MIL’s to collect her SIL’s child..). Meanwhile the OP is doing bugger all to help with her own DD other than look at photos and moan about what her child is wearing….

daisypond · 05/03/2023 19:17

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 17:44

Well I'm assuming the child wore some clothes the day before then got changed into her pyjamas. So when the child had removed her clothes the night before and put on her pyjamas those clothes could have gone into the wash and dried. Ready to be worn today. There's no mention of her arriving in pyjamas and with nothing else. I used to get my son bathed ready for bed and my mum would take him to her's. So all she had to do was put him in his travel cot. Always with a couple of changes of clothes nappies favourite blanket and favourite toy buggy etc. Have I missed anything out?

To be honest, I assumed that the child did turn up in pyjamas -because that’s what the OP says they normally do -deliver her in her pyjamas and without breakfast. Anyway, even if there were clothes, no one is going to wash and dry one set of child clothes overnight. You’d need a dryer, for one.

Donnashair · 05/03/2023 19:28

I did the like the faux bewilderment over wether the dh told his sister off or not. And the ‘he would have informed me of the outcome of the conversation’

He hasn’t had yeh conversation because he thinks you are being ridiculous

Though what conversation did you want him to have. Your op suggests it’s ‘don’t take the baby out in PJs’ which would be ridiculous.

But follow up posts claim it’s the lying that bothers you, with no proof of lying. Him going to his sister and saying ‘why did you lie to my wife so you could take our child out in PJs’ is just weird.

If I was looking after someone’s child and they jumped to the conclusion I was liar, I would stop the free childcare.

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 19:32

Radiators lol I actually did put my son's clothes from over the weekend in the wash and got it dry for this morning He's a young disabled adult in sheltered housing. I was doing a wash anyway so rather than send him back with dirty clothes I washed them. But especially if I didn't have any other clothes for him to wear. I obviously have spares here for him though.

Busybody2022 · 05/03/2023 19:33

I really don't understand why this is an issue. She had clothes on.

Delatron · 05/03/2023 19:49

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 19:32

Radiators lol I actually did put my son's clothes from over the weekend in the wash and got it dry for this morning He's a young disabled adult in sheltered housing. I was doing a wash anyway so rather than send him back with dirty clothes I washed them. But especially if I didn't have any other clothes for him to wear. I obviously have spares here for him though.

Yes but you’re his mother? It’s not comparable to expecting family members who do free childcare every week to be washing and drying clothes overnight because the OP can’t be bothered to dress her own child before she farms them out.

Why should her mother have to
do that? The OP could have just send clothes with her!!

Maybe the OP dropped her child at her Mum’s in her PJs anyway if it was a sleepover. She seems to think it’s fine to take her to family members houses in PJs and the onus is on them to have a spare set of clothes to dress her daughter…but woe betide them if they don’t dress her..

We still don’t know why the OP doesn’t dress her before she goes to SIL. Is she busy getting ready for work/commuting to work if the DH is also dropping the child off? Why does the poor SIL have to have loads of spare clothes at her house and then have the faff of dressing the OP’s daughter..so many unanswered questions.

PatchworkElmer · 05/03/2023 19:51

YABU.

And yes, you should be getting her dressed before dropping off normally with SIL.

Donnashair · 05/03/2023 19:53

In fairness to the op, I assume dh is doing the drop off as she is at home with the 4 month old.

It may work differently, before the baby and when the baby is a bit older. Or it may not be convenient to everyone for her to drop dd off, when she isn’t on mat leave.

Personally, if I was dropping my toddler off somewhere very early I would send them in PJs, with clothes. Assuming the person looking after them was ok with that.

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 19:55

Well she does say further down her mum forgot the bag of clothes. But there's no chance my kids would have left the house without eating breakfast. They're routine is that rigid and I just know it would be a bad start to the day.

daisypond · 05/03/2023 19:57

Why should her mother have to
do that? The OP could have just send clothes with her!!

It’s a fundamentally basic thing for a parent- mother or father - to dress their child.

Crispyturtle · 05/03/2023 19:59

Oh my goodness OP who cares?! I can’t believe you’re still dwelling on this a week later 😂

At 2 years old the difference between pyjamas and clothes is usually only print, and even then it’s a fine line. As long as she was dressed appropriately for the weather then it really doesn’t matter.

Also, one day your DD is going to choose her own clothes and then you will be taking out a child who looks like a crazy bag lady but you just have to let them exert control over their own appearance. That is far more painful than a 2y/o in pyjamas.

StaunchMomma · 05/03/2023 20:06

You're being ridiculously precious here, OP.

People are doing you a favour by having your child. Acting like this makes you look really cheeky.

It's not like it's an everyday occurrence. It's a one off and if your DD was happy and comfortable I really don't see that it matters, really.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/03/2023 20:20

Why didn't you leave some clothes with her grandma? I wouldn't send my 2yo to a sleepover at grandmas without packing some spare clothes.

saraclara · 05/03/2023 20:23

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/03/2023 20:20

Why didn't you leave some clothes with her grandma? I wouldn't send my 2yo to a sleepover at grandmas without packing some spare clothes.

She's already said that she did, but grandma left them behind when she picked up the baby.

Stravaig · 05/03/2023 20:35

but grandma left them behind when she picked up the baby.

No, this is the wrong attitude. Grandma didn't leave them behind. OP failed to see Grandma and child and bag of clothes safely out of the door. OP's responsibility.