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Original poster

To think this is bats**t crazy? Don’t know what to do

334 replies

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:28

My DS is 14 and in year 9, his girlfriend from school is 13 and in year 8, they were born in the same year (2009) and there is 7 months age gap between them. She is also FAR more mature than my son, because she’s a girl!

apparently if now you go out with someone in the year below you are a none and pe*o and every other foul name under the son.

my lad is getting the most vile abuse at school but I don’t even know what to do because it’s everyone, in every year group and it’s constant, being shouted at in corridors, voice messages to his phone saying he’s weird and should be locked up, people approaching him at school and saying what he is doing is wrong.

I checked with other kids in other schools and it’s true there too?!?!? When the hell did this happen? When I was at school girls went out with boys in the year above!

Ive spoken to my lad about what he wants to do because he can’t stand the bullying, he’s gone from being really popular to a total pariah in 3 months.

OP posts:
WiIson · 05/03/2023 18:34

Willyoujustbequiet · 05/03/2023 17:50

Whats the problem? Seriously?

If you even have to ask that then I can't explain it to you.

Show quote history

Try.

OrchidOrchard · 05/03/2023 19:00

You couldn’t permanently exclude on the second occasion of bullying. It doesn’t work like that. Permanent exclusions are not the answer

Hankunamatata · 05/03/2023 19:07

I'm 40s and this was a thing when I went to school. You dated someone in year below you were peado. Girls dated older lads were sluts
Nothing new sadly

Flockynocky · 05/03/2023 19:21

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say you have my sympathies. It sounds like a horrendous situation for your son and for you as his parent. I really hope it is resolved soon. Of course he's done nothing wrong and it's quite frightening to read how these children are behaving.

JazbayGrapes · 05/03/2023 20:11

Are we talking at cross purposes here? What is the problem with a boyfriend and girlfriend having a 7 month age difference? I’m genuinely confused about why you’re so disgusted by this?

I guess it's not the 7 months, but the prospect of 13yo being sexually active.

I do agree with PP who said that "nonce" is the new "gay" for teenagers - they throw words as insults without much context or understanding. And bullying may be the result of teen drama and jealousy.

One thing for kids to learn from this - if possible, keep romance private, don't bring it into school.

motherofqilins · 05/03/2023 20:41

@JazbayGrapes but surely just being in a relationship does not mean sex. Plus I would assume any time together would be chaperoned and supervised with rules such as no closed doors they have to remain in the livingroom or kitchen etc

Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 05/03/2023 21:54

JazbayGrapes · 05/03/2023 20:11

Are we talking at cross purposes here? What is the problem with a boyfriend and girlfriend having a 7 month age difference? I’m genuinely confused about why you’re so disgusted by this?

I guess it's not the 7 months, but the prospect of 13yo being sexually active.

I do agree with PP who said that "nonce" is the new "gay" for teenagers - they throw words as insults without much context or understanding. And bullying may be the result of teen drama and jealousy.

One thing for kids to learn from this - if possible, keep romance private, don't bring it into school.

But they’re not sexually active. OP has said several times the level of their relationship and it’s far from that (obviously as far as she knows)

Johnisafckface · 05/03/2023 22:05

when I was going to school a 1 yr difference wouldn’t even be noticed. Two years would be a different story. But I guess times have changed.

HedwigIsMyDemon · 05/03/2023 22:36

@Hankunamatata im in my 40s too and it definitely wasn’t a thing at my school! Lots of relationships between students in different years and no one batted an eyelid.

BellePeppa · 06/03/2023 09:51

BubziOwl · 05/03/2023 15:11

Yes, I agree.

There's clearly nothing wrong with OP's son 'dating' a girl who is 7 months younger than him. From what OP has said, it seems he's being bullied, and I hope you go to the school and can make some headway getting it sorted.

But I'm confused by all the other posters who seemed horrified by the idea that kids today are preferring to date people their own age.

If it's the alternative to the normalisation of girls being prayed on by older men and boys, is it really that bad? I'm struggling to see why people think society is going to the dogs because 15 year olds want to date fellow 15 year olds.

Show quote history

Their own age is of course very good but it seems to be within weeks (or days or minutes) rather than say a year which seems a perfectly reasonable age gap. Tbh I’m someone who was thankful my own kids weren’t interested in relationships at that age and didn’t start to date till college.

raspberrywine · 06/03/2023 16:36

OPs DS and his GF seem to have quite a sweet relationship. Friends first. From what she has said, she's talked to her DS about appropriate behaviour around the relationship. She needs to keep a close eye on their relationship because they are still very young. 7 months is no big deal except for the students around them.

The bullying is awful. There's a real lack of calibration in their response. Saying he should be in prison?? They have no idea do they? If he was a popular kid then I can see some of the others using this situation to bring him down a peg or two too.

OP, please talk to the school. It's the only way to make the bullying stop.

dylansss · 06/03/2023 18:01

They are jealous because he has a girlfriend and they are sat on their Xboxes wishing they had one.

neighboursmustliveon · 06/03/2023 18:10

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:36

He refuses to let me he says there will be a massive assembly and everyone will know it’s about him.

also it’s not just his school, it seems it’s now a THING everywhere

This is bay shit I agree.

Maddness that a child born on the 31 aug can't go out with a child born on 1 sep because they will be in separate years despite being 1 day apart but same child born on 1 sep could go out with a child in their year born on 31 aug even though there will nearly be a year apart in age!

I will ask my DS what it's like in his school, he hasn't mentioned anything like this so not sure that is the standard.

Jamc93 · 06/03/2023 18:11

I'm sorry to say I have no advice that hasn't already been mentioned, but I can't believe that's happening! Sorry you're all going through it. As previous posters have said, kids are always finding a new reason to bully someone. 🙄

Total madness, as when I was at school I dated yr10s when I was in yr8! It was actually weird to date someone your own age 😂

Murdoch1949 · 06/03/2023 18:23

The thing I do find weird is a 14 yr old and a 13 yr old are bf and gf. They are too young to be dating. Do they date? Or is it just a school based relationship? As an ex secondary school teacher I witnessed a lot of these silly couplings. Dashing off at break & lunch to find the other half. Walking around handholding, snuggling up in corners, all very inappropriate for what is a work environment. The couple invariably separate themselves from their other friends, if they don't one half gets jealous and stroppy. The two frequently get consumed with the relationship, then when it ends, usually in tears, the fall out can be massive. You can't stop the relationship, but you don't have to encourage it. The bullying aspect is worrying, and not something that I've had experience of. It will be a short-lived situation, something else will happen at school to take the spotlight off your boy.

Jayne35 · 06/03/2023 18:35

I'm 40s and this was a thing when I went to school. You dated someone in year below you were peado. Girls dated older lads were sluts
Nothing new sadly

I am late 40s and I never heard the word peado being flung around as an insult, slut was though. In senior school I always dated older boys (as did most of my friends) and I don’t remember them being insulted for it.

Islandgirl68 · 06/03/2023 18:42

Yes I think that is crazy, never heard of this. It is terrible that he is being bullied. He is the same age for goodness sake, if they were in Scotland they would be in the same year as they are the same age. I could understand if it was a big age gap, but it is only 7 months. Completely crazy. How was this nonsense ever allowed to take hold can't believe this is a thing. Hope it soon dies down for your son.

MyNDfamily · 06/03/2023 18:42

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:39

Really?? I could understand completely if it was a year 7 and a year 9, but 7 months age gap? His best friend is going out with a girl in the same year and they have a 6 month age gap, there are 4 weeks age difference between the year 8 girl and this year 9 girl.

Show quote history

OP honestly it's ridiculous. 7 months lol. They could easily be in the same year if born in different months. Such a silly view only an immature teen would take this view!

FootieMama · 06/03/2023 18:49

It IS a thing. My son was called up by his friend just for talking to a girl one year below his. The term used was paedo. It was a warning that it wasn't natural for him to spend time with her. It wasn't even romantic! Very strange and worrying. I told him it would be perfectly fine to date a girl one year younger than him. He is now dating a girl in his class and the relationship seems so uneven. She is much more mature than him

Restinggoddess · 06/03/2023 18:50

This is bullying
contact the school and make a complaint, request to meet with the a member of SLT and be clear that you do not want you son singled out - ask what action they will take. All schools have relationship abs sex education policies ( which include an understanding of vocabulary) and also an anti bullying policy
We live in a time when this word is used to bully and not in the appropriate context where it should be used
This suggests further issues with the school

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 06/03/2023 18:50

Aranan · 05/03/2023 09:45

Your poor son, how completely absurd! 2 years above for boys was the total norm when we were teens.

I have to agree with the pp and you need to speak to the school. Surely there’s a more subtle way of them introducing the subject in PSHCE classes rather than a big assembly? And the bullies need punishing.

Completely agree with this. The school needs to get a grip... this is a safeguarding issue. Involve the governors if necessary

Hobnob90 · 06/03/2023 19:06

Nothing noncey about a 1 year age gap. Maybe if it was a year 7 with a year 10. It’s difficult with teens as things like this get really intense and nasty. I would tell him to come off all social media. It will die down and become yesterdays news soon.

taleforthetimebeing · 06/03/2023 19:10

Yes it’s a thing at my sons school. It seems ridiculous and I hate how they use the word paedo and nonce so easily. From what I understand from him it’s ok for the girl just not the boy. It’s such a shame for your son it does seem our world has gone a little mad. We are happy for toddlers to watch drag shows but teenagers can’t date a year out of their school year. I think once they get to year 12/11 it seems to not matter…

amispeakingintongues · 06/03/2023 19:10

Does your son have to know it was you who told the school? Based on how many people seem to know i’d find it odd that the school wasn’t already aware of the bullying going on.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 06/03/2023 19:11

I had older boyfriends all the way through school didn't think anything off it. But kids are just weird these days it's actually annoying

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