To think this is bats**t crazy? Don’t know what to do

[Puddingypops]

My DS is 14 and in year 9, his girlfriend from school is 13 and in year 8, they were born in the same year (2009) and there is 7 months age gap between them. She is also FAR more mature than my son, because she’s a girl!

apparently if now you go out with someone in the year below you are a none and pe*o and every other foul name under the son.

my lad is getting the most vile abuse at school but I don’t even know what to do because it’s everyone, in every year group and it’s constant, being shouted at in corridors, voice messages to his phone saying he’s weird and should be locked up, people approaching him at school and saying what he is doing is wrong.

I checked with other kids in other schools and it’s true there too?!?!? When the hell did this happen? When I was at school girls went out with boys in the year above!

Ive spoken to my lad about what he wants to do because he can’t stand the bullying, he’s gone from being really popular to a total pariah in 3 months.

It's the school year gap that they're reacting to, not the age gap.

But that's just ridiculous

No I didn’t misread. You said if I didn’t see a problem with the age gap crossing year groups you couldn’t explain. Anyway, as OP has said several times, they’re not having “intimate relationships” so I presume you don’t actually have a problem?

That's teenagers for you. As far as they are concerned, he is a whole year ahead of her. I don't know what age sex ed is these days, but he'll have that a full year before she does. It's things like that which create the "gap".

Teach him to laugh at others ability not to be able to do basic math.

"She is 7 months younger than me you twat, can't you fucking count?" Whilst laughing at them.

He either hardens up or gives in. But most bullies dont want it turned around on them so hardening up and being aggressive back might work. Of course we don't generally want our kids to swear and be aggressive but sometimes it's needed.

I bet part of this has an element of novelty and jealousy from other kids. I remember at that age most kids didn't have a bf/gf so when people did start going out it was massive news and here obviously the 'novelty' of the different year group.

Personally I would talk to his form tutor about how he is feeling and what is going on. I am a secondary teacher and I would want to know to think about how to support - the comments via his phone are especially awful.

@Puddingypops I agree with this.
No form of bullying should be tolerated, whether your son wants you to inform teachers or not.
I'm sure you could ask for no assembly but for the students to be dealt with with the proof of messages!

Bullying is awful, I hope he's OK.

Some kids in school just grab onto whatever to make fun of people, and the attention stays off them.

PLEASE REPORT

I think there’s a nail on the head here. Personally I think our young people are being totally confused, with idiotic million gender over PC crap on one hand, and then narrow and exclusionary utter nonsense about their perfectly ordinary teen relationships on the other.

OP I wish I had some huge wisdom. I don’t, but no do feel hugely frustrated. Personally, although many say it is normal, I still think to capitulate is not the way to go. I think that your DS and his GF have stuck it this far is to be congratulated. I guess he has an opportunity to take a huge life lesson from this - about the idiocy of the masses and of people following others sheep like. About the value of a relationship of worth and of making his own decision and holding his head high - but I give a HUGE caveat that I think that’s mostly way too much for a 14 yo to deal with. A lot to ask. Goodness I feel his pain losing the fist bumps, bless him. My eldest DD is nearly 14, but she is very autistic (high functioning, extremely bright - but she absolutely hates people). Point being, she readily tells me she just can’t stand trying to have friends because people suck and are horrible. There’s a perspective.
I cannot really comment about approaching the school, other than to say - I think you should. Mine are all home educated, partly because I simply think schools totally suck this way, but that isn’t helpful to you. Just remind your boy that although he feels very alone in this, anyone worth keeping company with actually would be supporting him and that his own character is the one that shines. I feel for you.

I'm still friends with the 'boys' as they were back then, from the year group above ours, and this is 30 years later. Most girls in my year only went out with boys in the years above us, usually one in 2. Why people think it is a problem I have no idea.

I don't get it wither, how is 1 school year difference in ge nouncy in anyway? I know we live in a different work but I dated a few guys 4-5 years older when I was mid teens. Its liek the world has gone mad, there is absolutely nothing wrong with yer son dating someone 1 year below him. Unfortunately kids are cruel nasty little ass hats!!! This also sounds a bit liek gand mentality, the more people do it the more it seems acceptable to them and the more they get carried away. So sorry he is going through this, I think letting the school know so they can keep and eye is a good idea

Def a big thing to call out anyone as a nonce or paedo, without any evidence. It's the new term of abuse. Sigh.
I think your case is extreme, though. My DS14 has commented on a Y11 boy in his school who's going out with a Y8, and I have to admit I think that's a bit much but I don't know the kids. The boy was getting abuse so he complained to the teachers and they've stopped it without a big assembly.

This gives me the fear. This is a mental health crisis among our kids. This is just insane. There's a reason This stuff wasn't like this when we were in school. And that's because life for a teenager now is another planet away from when we were in school. Smart phones, social media, covid, poverty, eating disorders and I could keep going. Take it to the school. It's bigger than your son and you have to overrule him on this. Trying to keep his head down is not working and is not an option anymore anyway. Kids messaging him from other schools.... action needs to be taken before your sons mental health suffers too.

It’s a well known fact that in general girls are more mature than boys. Girls generally go through puberty earlier and the hormone changes happen earlier etc…
my daughter has started seniors and finds all the boys disruptive and silly. This age girls are becoming young women and boys are still sat at the back during sex ed giggling and making dumb jokes about it all.

100% this.
I think the people texting need calling out. Police involvement if needs be. Kids Will get a visit from the police and possibly a community order/warning.
school need to be tackling this head on!
I bet very few of their parents are the same age as each other!

Yes. There's a huge difference between my, close in age, boy and girl, in terms of maturity. That difference is why girls looked for older boyfriends.

That's stupid.

Well the lauguage and bullying obvs isn't ok. But I don't think it's a bad thing that children are aware that going out with someone younger isn't great. Especially at that age. I remember getting off with a boy when I was around 13, he was probably 16-18. I felt very grown up going into it, but we were clearly not at the same level of maturity and expectation and in hindsight I find it pretty odd that he was interested in me. I think it would be a good thing if that sort of situation wasn't considered acceptable.

Exactly this
It needs dealing with by the school pronto and not in a big assembly.
It would also help the students to understand what nonce and paedo actually mean.
Also posters claiming that nursery children are not taught to share might explain the appalling state of primary and secondary school bullying, and all the don't let males have what they want garbage on here. This scenario was 2 two year olds happily playing together, facilitated by the OP, until the hostile mum dragged her ds away.
Parents, teachers, get a grip

They are both quite young to be dating.

Seems to be a thing everywhere. The boys friend was called a nonce for “dating” a year below. Giles seem to be fine to date up but if boys date down it’s an issue. It’s a funny cross over tbh.

Exactly yes.

What do the girl and her parents think about this in earlier posts you mention you know the parents

They like DS very much and trust them both, they are happy enough for them to be “dating”.

tbh if you had a daughter who wanted to date someone you’d also be happy with DS, lol I know I’m biased but he’s a very gentle sweet boy who is also a brilliant dancer lol and completely dedicated to his art.

Ps - it’s ballet

Which weirdly he isn’t bullied at school for even though everyone knows he does it