To think this is bats**t crazy? Don’t know what to do

[Puddingypops]

My DS is 14 and in year 9, his girlfriend from school is 13 and in year 8, they were born in the same year (2009) and there is 7 months age gap between them. She is also FAR more mature than my son, because she’s a girl!

apparently if now you go out with someone in the year below you are a none and pe*o and every other foul name under the son.

my lad is getting the most vile abuse at school but I don’t even know what to do because it’s everyone, in every year group and it’s constant, being shouted at in corridors, voice messages to his phone saying he’s weird and should be locked up, people approaching him at school and saying what he is doing is wrong.

I checked with other kids in other schools and it’s true there too?!?!? When the hell did this happen? When I was at school girls went out with boys in the year above!

Ive spoken to my lad about what he wants to do because he can’t stand the bullying, he’s gone from being really popular to a total pariah in 3 months.

That is so bloody awful, your poor boy.
I have two sons, 18 and 14 (almost 15). in their time in secondary we all learnt kids will find everything and anything to pick on each other. My eldest was picked on just for wearing glasses!! There’s been other stupid random reasons too. Kids today are really something else.
It doesn’t seem to be a thing in my sons school, and many of the teens in different year groups are dating. It may be the part of the UK? Your boy has done nothing wrong and those kids are all vile.
I hope he’s ok and I also hope the school can sort it. Kind wishes xx

What you have to remember is that school will be teaching about ages and consent and anyone aged 13 or younger is classed as not being able to consent to sex. There may be an assumption (wrongly) that they are having sex and so yes, it sounds bad that he is with a 13 year old.
You do need to speak to the school, if this was my child I would have gone ape, I have zero tolerance for stuff like this.

I left school in 2008 and while I was there loads of people were "dating" people in the year below or above them...nobody cared at all! I'm shocked by these experiences tbh

This is so weird; it's a thing at my DD's all girls school too, including flinging around the word 'nonce' at every opportunity.
DD recently worked out that DH and I were 22 and 33 respectively when we started dating - she was totally disgusted and practically accused him of 'grooming' me, (I did have a sharp word with her about this as her dad was quite hurt). It's such a contrast to my school days, when girls wouldn't be seen dead with a lad the same age as it would be social suicide. A minimum age gap of one year was acceptable, but two was preferable .

I'd be very uncomfortable if I was the girls parent. The name calling is wrong and it's bullying but I don't think I'd be happy with the situation as either parent.

They are quite young still. Seems to be a big rush for relatively young children to get into meaningful relationships to soon.

Just ran this past ds(16).. he said it’s not weird at all in our area. He also says you should talk to the school (even if your ds says no.. this is one of those scenarios where you need to intervene). The teachers need to come down like a ton of bricks on this.

I agree with the majority here. You must approach the school, but I do understand your concerns. I had a situation with my oldest son when he first started school. Primary believe it or not. He is mix race and was getting some awful bullying, that's what this is. The school will probably deny the issue "we have zero tolerance ", bullshit. But you need to address full on how this is affecting your child. Early teens is really difficult at the best of times. If the school A.does nothing or B. Deals with it in a way that is more damaging for your child. Take it further. Your local MP, if you have any faith in him/her/other, can sometimes be useful

There's probably 2 levels to this ....
the nasty cohort who want to hurt and the likely huge amount who think they're just having a laugh. Got to be knocked on the head if you're worried about going to the head speak in private to your ds's form teacher or school councillor.
There's all kinds of unwanted possible outcomes but I see little chance of them getting worse by talking to the school.

Lots of kids in my kids school go out with girls in the year below that is definitely not weird in our school nor have I ever heard of it being a thing!

Nonce and Paedo seem to be the current popular insults. My daughter is being called them because she's in y11 and her friends are in y9. She doesn't have any friends in her year after 3 years of being bullied so surprise surprise she's looked further afield for friends and finally found some decent quirky ones who like her. I've taken it up with school (again) and she's been told it's been dealt with and the person using these insults won't have the opportunity to speak to her again.
Please take it up with school, bullying always needs to be tackled, half of the kids who've bullied my daughter over the years don't think what they're doing is bullying and they don't realise the impact it's had on her.

As for the posters who say 13/14 year olds shouldn't be in a relationship as they're too young... What kind of sheltered lives did you live? Okay I'm in my 40's so I've not been at school for a long time, but most of my friends had a boyfriend or girlfriend at some point during senior school, yes girls often went out with boys older than them, but sometimes it was the other way round. My first boyfriend was the year below me, but less than 6 months younger. Most of my friends were the year below me, my best friend was all of 6 weeks younger, but we were in different school years.
But amazingly all these senior school relationships didn't mean we were all jumping into bed with each other. Yes there were some who probably did go further, plenty who talked the talk and 1 rumoured teen pregnancy, but generally in the most part people kept control of their hormones and didn't go any further because we all knew we were teenagers and we shouldn't be doing much more than kissing and cuddling until we were ready, and most of us weren't until we were past the age of consent.

I'd possibly discuss with your son and his GF to maybe day they've split up just so it takes the pressure off them both.

My DS asked me very matter of factly recently if I was a nonce as his dad would have been in the year below me at school.

I thought it was his dry sense of humour (or his undiagnosed ASD). I did not know this was actually a thing ! Now it all makes sense.

The terms paedo seem to be flung about a lot at the moment. A teacher asks a kid to roll their skirt down and they are labelled perverts. These kids need some education around it. It’s awful your son is going though this. I would probably be inclined to speak with the school.

Sounds like people need to be having conversations about what a paedo/ nonce actually is and that they aren't words to be thrown around like they are meaningless

Report bullying to school and report the texts/voice calls etc to the police. I’ve experienced this recently and the children sending nasty texts to the other child got community orders! Make sure he keeps all the texts.

Mark complaint to school as ‘an official complaint’ otherwise they won’t do anything.

He shouldn't be "going out" with a 13 year old. 13 and 14 is actually a big difference, even if 7 months. I don't know how you assessed that "she's more mature".

Well the difference could be a day, a week, a month. In this case it is 7 months. How close in age do you think they should be?

I teach a P7 (so 10-11 years old) and “peado” seems to be v much the insult of the moment whether or not it makes sense!!

For 5 months of the year they’re the same age, is it ok then?

@Willyoujustbequiet I would love an answer to this

My DD is in y9. I’ve never heard of this being a thing. She’s not had a boyfriend yet (no interest in any types of relationships) but she’s told me her friends have boyfriends and girlfriends. And many times they have been older. So it’s possibly not a thing everywhere!!

Gosh when I was at school most girls went out both boys in the year above. I had one bf in the year above but a couple actually in the year below. No one really cared. I recall a girl in y9 dating an older lad who had left school, so possibly college 16+ or even older, I can’t quite remember

This is awful. Not happening in our kids school my daughters class mates y8 have boyfriends in yr9. Sounds like he is being bullied.

I think you've misread. I've clearly said no child of 13 should be having initimate relationships. That's the problem.

That's really strange. Who started it? Someone who dislikes him? Sounds like maybe they've elaborated the age gap around the school or something? That's barely even an age gap. I'd definitely speak to the head of year and headteacher because that sounds hard to deal with and insane. Honestly though you have to prepare for it to not stop and become unbearable and look at other schools. I can imagine how that would be hard to overcome once everyone was into the swing of it. I recall my best friend in school got so bullied that nothing would stop it and she had to leave. It was for literally nothing too, she was a sweet quiet girl.

It’s mental isn’t it this attitude, as I’ve said he literally turned 14 a week ago, at which point it became wrong? Unless you are born on the same day someone is always going to become older at some point during the year. The girl is september she’s the oldest in the year! Or one of.