To think this is bats**t crazy? Don’t know what to do

[Puddingypops]

My DS is 14 and in year 9, his girlfriend from school is 13 and in year 8, they were born in the same year (2009) and there is 7 months age gap between them. She is also FAR more mature than my son, because she’s a girl!

apparently if now you go out with someone in the year below you are a none and pe*o and every other foul name under the son.

my lad is getting the most vile abuse at school but I don’t even know what to do because it’s everyone, in every year group and it’s constant, being shouted at in corridors, voice messages to his phone saying he’s weird and should be locked up, people approaching him at school and saying what he is doing is wrong.

I checked with other kids in other schools and it’s true there too?!?!? When the hell did this happen? When I was at school girls went out with boys in the year above!

Ive spoken to my lad about what he wants to do because he can’t stand the bullying, he’s gone from being really popular to a total pariah in 3 months.

I find all that one of the most concerning things about being a parent these days

My 28 year old doesn't know anyone who's transitioned. The 20 year old was at school with one person who transitioned in year 7

I don't know about my year 7s year group but the primary school my 10 year old is at already has 2 children transitioning that I know of

The lead female role in the school musical this year is a trans
girl

They seem to think they are so tolerant yet here they all are bulling someone for a 7 month age gap

It was common when I was at school too, but only across certain year groups if that makes sense.

So, Y7/Y8, Y9/10/11 and Y11/sixth form crossovers were all considered acceptable and normal, but Y10/sixth form would have been considered inappropriate, as would Y8/Y9, and so forth.

I suppose different schools have different cultures and different ideas of what's acceptable and what isn't. Personally I don't really think it's a bad thing that people are no longer dating with big age-gaps while they're still at school - though that doesn't mean the insults are acceptable by any means.

You see that is surprising to me that year 7/8 was acceptable cross over.

a year 7 seems very young indeed having just left primary, but it depends on the ages

year 8s are going through puberty for the most part and year 7s not as much so that’s more pre pubescent and pubescent kids which to me is more questionable than year 8 and year 9

I'm actually quite glad to hear young people look down on age gap relationships these days. Hopefully that will stop a lot of young girls ending up with 40-year-old men.

(Obviously a 7 months difference isn't an age gap)

Also I wouldn’t call 7 months a big age gap even at 13/14.

but your post is well thought out and none aggressive so I’m not arguing with you, just discussing

I agree, but when you look at the real world beyond grass roots is that actually happening? In the world of celebrity, footballers wives, influencers etc etc, and I’m sure in business and politics wherever you find powerful men you’ll find young girlfriends.

I totally agree as a feminist that it’s no bad thing to turn the tide on large age gaps as a rule, but this is being to an extreme and not where it’s needed.

and in an adult level not talking about kids here, it has to still be true that love is love? I know happily married people with ten year ages gaps with the woman older or man older…

I was in a three-tier education system, so we had junior school, middle school and upper schools.

Middle schools (or prep schools in the private system) covered ages 9-13, so years 5-8 - so Y7/Y8 was a very normal crossover/friendship group.

Ahh I see. X

Thank you!

I do agree that seven months isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but I also think crossing year groups can result in a bit of a power imbalance.

I remember a few girls who stayed with older boyfriends just because it gave them a bit of "status" and allowed them to hang out with the older kids and maybe get away with stuff they wouldn't have been allowed to get away with if their boyfriend had been the same age.

Now I'm not for a minute saying that's what's happening here, but I think young teenagers are easily influenced and it's generally better for them to date their own year group, for the most part.

It depends if the 10 years gap happened when one was still a child imo. 16-year-olds should not be going out with 26-year-olds. What people do as adults is different to what they do as impressionable teens. Teens are never as mature as they think they are and often the things they are exposed to will have an impact on them long-term.

When I was in school, all the girls wanted to date sixth-formers because that was seen as the height of maturity. The boys who dated younger were called paedos even then because going younger was seen as punching below you. It was kind of like a social class system. Equal or above was fine, but below was frowned upon.

Oh don't be ridiculous no it wasn't. In fact it was very normal in my school. Most girls had older boyfriends.
There's nothing wrong with a 14yr old dating a 13yr old. Heck, my Dad was 5 years older than my mother and they married when my mum was 22 and my dad was 27! They'd been dating since childhood

Just because it was normal at your school, doesn't mean it was normal at PP's school.

When I grew up, it was socially acceptable for some years to "cross over" but seen as totally "gross" for others to do so.

I think the point regardless of people's opinions this boy is doing nothing wrong and is being bullied. I'd like to think that if you're teenage son/daughter come home and told you that they were calling a fellow pupil a nonce at school that you'd correct them. Bloody ridiculous behaviour!

That's horrible for your son, and quite bizarre when you think about it....if you were born in July and your girlfriend in September, you'd be in different school years despite the 2 month age gap, but if you were born in September and your girlfriend in August, there'd be nearly a year between you but you'd be in the same year!

It wasn't an issue when I was at school. I left after doing a year in 6th form and it was 1983, and a girls school. Gay relationships hadn't been invented. (Disclaimer: I'm joking, before I'm accused of homophbia. Of course there were gay relationships then...they just weren't as open or as talked as they are now. )

Oh my GOD. Why is the word mature now about sexual maturity?

mature is about being more sensible

I didn’t talk about sexual maturity AT ALL. You have banged on and on about how “mature” this y8 girl is on the basis of her sex, her inappropriate access to and use of vape and alcohol, even her having older siblings. I’m just saying that isn’t a sign of “maturity”. I don’t mention sexual maturity - although telling that you are talking about it. Girls are held to higher standards than boys from babyhood - then their compliance and good behaviour is taken as a sign of an innate maturity - then they are held accountable for their own exploitation because they should have known better because they are more mature. Stop expecting girls to behave like little adults whilst simultaneously tolerating poor decisions in the poor little hopelessly immature boys. And fuck right off telling me I’m bringing sexual maturity into a discussion about a 13 year old who you claim is mature = sensible because she vapes and drinks and has an older boyfriend.

And I said she had tried those things, she’s not vulnerable, why are you painting my son to be a predator? Gid help young men and
boys these days, truly god help them, when a respectful and kind boy like my son is being painted as a villain by adult women.

I never mentioned your son, let alone paint him as a predator. I said that painting underage girls as “mature” is a well worn tactic of ADULTS engaging in cse. If you can’t tell the difference between your y9 kid and an adult then that’s on you. I don’t even know if your son is telling everyone how his y8 gf is actually like totally really mature actually like she totally acts older than she is. Bottom line is your kid is being bullied and you can’t be arsed to talk to the school. You’d rather come onto the internet and go on about the maturity of a completely different child you have no control or authority over. So what if the y8 girl vapes and drinks and has siblings? If she collected sylvanian families and baked fairy cakes it wouldn’t be ok to bully your son. You find her “maturity” important. I think you should think about why that is instead of painting other women as villains.

Sorry were we at school together @SchoolTripDrama, or is it possible we have different experiences?

You were the one banging on about men shagging kids, which is totally irrelevant

It would make no difference. Kids of 13 imo should not be having intimate relationships.

I'm pretty shocked anyone would think it ok. Not the done thing with any of my social circle.

Whats the problem? Seriously?

If you even have to ask that then I can't explain it to you.

I just copied and pasted luckily 🙄

That's really offensive, lots of 16 yr old lads go out with girls a year below them. To call that Noncey is just nasty.

Are we talking at cross purposes here? What is the problem with a boyfriend and girlfriend having a 7 month age difference? I’m genuinely confused about why you’re so disgusted by this?