Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

There’s being loud (eg not for the entire meal) and there’s being loud and annoying. I think OP and her party of guests was loud/annoying for most of the time they were there. I don’t think I’d complain though, would just chalk it down to experience.

OP doesn’t seem to think she’s been loud or annoying, tried to blame a possible VIP guest there and then says the restaurant itself is loud/noisy according to other reviews! I can’t see why the restaurant would have other issues (staff being rude). I had a brief look at some Brighton restaurants it could be but it’s not obvious.

Who’s that then? Where do they say that?

Really? How come the OP and her family could talk but not the people who complained? Do you know something about them, have they got some sort of speech problem. Do enlighten us.

I think you should get a bit more resilient, op. Being embarrassed, subdued and fretting over a non issue like this is just odd. You were asked to make a minor adjustment, not asked to leave. You all sound very fragile and immature.

I think you maybe were very loud because you all wanted to be heard over the already loud music. Not the best idea. Maybe you should've asked to turn the volume of the music down so you could understand each-other without screaming. I do feel for the other customers who probably didn't have a nice evening, but on the other hand I would've left (before ordering anything of course). Depends a bit, if your group entered while other people were having their meals you were very rude to make such noise I think. On the other hand, if your group.was there before the other diners, then those had the choice to leave and go to another place.

Where are people getting that we were SCREAMING from?

My whole point is that we weren’t. And that even if we were a bit loud, so what? It’s a restaurant, not a church. One with loud dance music ambience to boot (not nightclub level but loud enough. We weren’t shouting or screaming.

I can’t imagine being bothered by a family laughing and joking while out, much less complaining. And if any of my staff reprimanded a table for normal jollity I’d be having words.

I love how people just make stuff up on threads to suit their own narrative. You bunch of weirdos. 🤣

But what I can’t imagine is actually complaining in this situation, or acting on it as a member of staff. It’s a noisy restaurant

As I said above, I think you must have been much louder and more annoying than you realised. You are right that people don't usually complain, and staff don't usually say anything. So it must have been bad!

If you put a larger party of 9 in the middle of the room, turn up the music aren't they going to be speaking louder than 4 small tables of 2?

Hi OP.

As many have already said, I wasn't there so cannot be the arbiter of this. But still, seeing as you've asked the question I'll make a few points.

1. Firstly. It was a noisy busy restaurant so some noise is to be expected. It doesn't sound like the expectation here is for a whispered conversation.
2. People have spoken about tolerance. Its a fair point. But there is a mark, in this case decibels, where you exceeded that tolerance, wriggle room or whatever and it became an issue and was affecting other peoples enjoyment.

1. At least 1 table thought you were too loud and at least 1 of the staff agreed. This is enough for me to think that on the balance of probabilities, chances are you were loud enough to warrant someone having a word.

4.If my group were disturbing others, I would rather be told than not so that I could moderate my behaviour to ensure others could enjoy their time too. I'd be more embarrassed that my behaviour had caused staff to speak to me than outraged that anyone dare speak to me. But not everyone seems to think like that.

5.People confuse assertiveness with being stubborn and politeness with weakness. A bit too much main character syndrome and too little consideration for others.

As I said before there’s a big difference between being loud/joking/funny at certain points during your meal and being this way throughout your meal (oval, long table). If you can’t see that could be irritating to others then you lack self awareness.

But, you seem to be so sure you’re in the right (and you were only told to “keep the volume down”) so you crack on, leave a nasty review and be smug in your view that you weren’t “loud” and the nasty restaurant and other diners are nasty killjoys!

Definitely the wrong venue for your party. I think also the restaurant shouldn’t have accepted the booking of such a large group for dinner unless in a private room.
Please, don’t leave a bad review since you are not 100% sure you weren’t loud. Business are struggling enough.

Please, don’t leave a bad review since you are not 100% sure you weren’t loud. Business are struggling enough

Tough, they should have handled it better and not had the music at a silly level.
If they are struggling that much, perhaps aiming for returning customers would be a good move.

As other people have said, no-one here can judge as we weren’t there to definitively say how loud you were. However, when you get stuck with someone loud it’s just awful. A few weeks ago I was in a packed restaurant sat behind a woman who laughed like the loudest hyena on drugs you’ve ever heard between every mouthful. And it wasn’t just a short laugh it was big whoops and screams at times 🤔 Then she set fire to her napkin but I’d like to think that was a mistake… Anyway, it was bloody annoying and we didn’t stay for dessert purely to get away from the noise.

I think you were probably louder than you realised. With nine people, even 'normal' voice levels get loud. However, it was a restaurant, of the kind that clearly wants customers to feel they're 'out' when in there, so it's kind of their responsibility to set the vibe. I'd have asked them to turn the music down and see if you were still bothering the other table.

Did you ask the waiter to turn the music down so you could talk without the need to raise your voice ?

I've been in the situation where staff asked our table to keep the noise down as another table had complained, when in fact nobody had complained and the staff had lied about there being a complaint.

Shame on the staff at your restaurant for not turning the music down so their guests didn't have to shout over it in order to hear each other.

I'd mention it in your review. Don't feel shame and don't go back there.

I'm so sick of deafening music / bad acoustics in restaurants.

I can't stand large groups all shouting to the end of the table to each other, as if you are just trying to chat as a couple or small group you just can't. However why put on loud music in a restaurant. What do the expect. You don't go to a restaurant to get up and dance so why have the music loud. I would have said can you turn the music down as we are being forced to shout over it. I went out to a bar recently, early at about 4pm. The music was so loud we had to leave. Why do they do that? They don't need it that early on in the evening. I think it's the staff who are enjoying it. They shouldn't really is f it's causing the place to be empty.

I think you are being unreasonable because there is no need to be noisy in a restaurant. Other people may have gone for a nice romantic meal or to have a nice in depth conversation with a friend or colleague and listening to people laugh and talk loud is just annoying. You can still have a good time without disturbing other people, the world doesn't revolve around you and your dinner party

How did you find out no one complained? You didn't go round and ask everyone did you, how embarrassing.

You sound entitled that you think a restaurant should have to give out freebies to apologise for your bad behaviour.

£200 quid down for a table of 9? Did i get that wrong? Restaurants here 60 miles south of London we paid neatly £400 for Sunday lunch with 5 adults and 3 little kids.

Not RTFT but I'd rather have family noise than sit in a mausoleum type place.. On the other hand, don't ever put me near a hen party with SCREECHING women..

You havent got the response you wanted and you cant let it lie and are still banging on trying to justify yourself. Why even ask AIBU?

Judgemental much, I have sensory issues and certain noise hurt, like my head is gonna explode hurts, like I have to leave or have heads aches for days

That’s why private rooms in nicer restaurants exist. You’re big enough group for one of those.