Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

The problem is that if the waitstaff had done nothing - the other table would have kicked off. Whether you were being overly loud is a matter of personal taste. We weren’t there, so couldn’t comment.

£200 for a table of 9?! You hardly "put down" much there to make it worth their while for putting up with the noise 😂

I knew someone would ask this. Later in the evening a staff member fessed up.

£30 for a main sounds the type of place loud groups might not be best suited. Hard as lovely to be with friends and laugh especially after Covid restrictions. Then also I’ve been out and had a happy loud table and it can ruin the night, especially when it will be an expensive night out. I’d probably opt for an alternate venue where they have a private room / separate area upon booking if you know some of the larger party get excited. I’d do that and have a lovely time.

I think OP possibly means 200 per couple

Sorry, yes. It drives me insane when we go ouy for a nice quiet meal and there's a table with about 8 on, all trying to make themselves heard to the other end of the table. Fine with family pub type restaurants but not those expensive ones with quiet music and "atmosphere"

When the other table asked the waiter to ask you to be a bit quieter, it was probably easier for the waiter to say ok than to say no. Once he had asked you then he probably didn't actually care whether u were loud or not, he could return to first table and say "done it" then get on with what he's meant to be doing.

Sounds more like it!

So a member of staffed pretended there had been a complaint and fessed up?

I'd agree with this. The loud music is often the cause of loud voices. You do get annoying people who shout just as their normal talking voice, but why the music. In a restaurant it's not necessary as people normally go there to talk. Not listen to music!

If you are in a busy restaurant you need to respect those around you.

If there were complaints made about noise levels you really don’t need to ask the question on here.

If you were asked to keep the noise down, then you were very loud. Accept that

Last year, I went out for a meal and sat beside a table of three women. They were very loud. The waiter repeatedly took their plates away early, tried to clear their table, brought the bill to them before they asked - everything he shouldn't have done. To no avail. They sat there talking very loudly and I couldn't hear what the people at my table were saying because of them. I think the waiter did the right thing in asking you to keep it down. You were obviously extremely loud.

Complain then. State that it was a party of 9 and you spent A LOT of money and that you weren’t unreasonably loud and feel aggrieved that you were told to keep it down, state the music was too loud so you had to speak reasonably loudly to hear other!
If they don’t want noise then they shouldn’t allow large parties.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests.

Then I think it's fair to accept you were actually really disturbing guests.

People generally don't like to complain face to face and most waiting staff will try to avoid asking people to be quiet.

The fact both of these things happened, makes me think you were too loud.

This 👆 If you weren’t being loud enough to disturb other diners, you wouldn’t have been asked to keep it down. As for you leaving a review, reading about your experience would make it more likely that I’d book that restaurant, as it would tell me that they wouldn’t let noisy OTT diners get away with disturbing others.

I am still wondering about the tip. What waitress would risk her tip by telling off customers if it wasnt really warranted?

I think noisy tables in restaurants spoil it for the other customers so I would have expected the waiter to intervene as he did.

For those saying the Waiter wouldn’t say anything unless you were loud I would say that this is not necessarily true. If the people complaining were regulars he / she may have felt some pressure to keep them happy. Maybe they tip well and it was an incentive for him to keep them happy?
If the music was getting louder as the night went on, maybe they made it that way so the other table couldn’t hear your table for the music?
But of course it’s difficult to say unless experiencing it all first hand.

Yes, I wondered that too.
I have been out before to restaurants and experienced this on nearby tables. The irritatingly loud booming voice and even louder laugh dominates the whole venue to the point where conversation becomes impossible for everyone else.

It's really hard to say. Whether someone is being unreasonably loud or not can be subjective. What seems a reasonable volume to you may be way to loud to someone else, or not loud enough to another person, and vice-versa.

I'm surprised that a waiter told you this instead of the restaurant manager. Perhaps you should send a note to the manager explaining your perspective on this.

The OP is going down swinging, folks….

OP: “Aibu?”

Pretty much everyone: “yes you are.”

OP; “No, I’m not!”

But you’d be happy to put up with loud music that pretty much puts an end to normal conversation ?

Nothing more annoying than a large table screeching with laughter (usually at naff all) while your trying to hear and talk to the person your out with

It's impossible to tell without being there, but if the music was so loud that people had to talk a bit louder than usual, yanbu.

It’s annoying when restaurants and pubs have music so loud you can’t talk without raising your voice - crazy!
Id be leaving a crap trip advisor review and not going back 😂