Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

No, it all got a bit lost in translation last night. They spoke to DH (he was on the outside of the table iysim) and he passed it down and I think we just assumed it was a complaint. It may have been but they didn’t actually say that.

Definitely PSK!

Isn’t that in Manchester, op said it was Brighton.

That’s not in Brighton…

@EmpressOfTheSofa If the Tripadvisor reviews have said the restaurant is noisy then maybe it's that they're (rightly) trying to act on that feedback. (I still think someone probably complained that night, though.)

In response to suggestions that the music was turned up to drown out the noise the OP's table was making... wouldn't that be a bit daft, as surely it would have the opposite effect and make them even louder? Or were they supposed to give up trying to communicate altogether and eat in silence or use sign language? 🤷‍♀️

How many of you were there? I do think if restaurants want a quiet ambience (which it doesn’t sound like there was anyway) they should offer a private dining room for groups of 10 or more, or just don’t take large bookings like that if they can’t, as it’s pretty difficult to keep the noise down when in a big group, even if you’re not being individually particularly noisy.

I would have told them that the music was so loud we couldn’t hear each other & would they please turn it down

So you think that your right to enjoy your night trumps the right of others to enjoy theirs. But you don’t think you’re more important. Gotcha.

It’s impossible to say how loud or obnoxious you were being without being there. However, I don’t imagine that the waiter would have approached you for just normal amount of noise. If that was the case they would have simply apologised to the other customers and got on without saying anything to you.

Its very possible that you were louder than you realised. Most people don’t know or realise how loud they are until someone else points it out. What you thought was a reasonable amount of noise others thought was unreasonable.

I think we’ve all been somewhere where there’s a really loud bunch of people and they just monopolise the entire place and you’re unable to enjoy yourself because all you can hear is them. I don’t think that they do it on purpose but they’re just oblivious to the level of noise they’re making.

You weren't told to be quiet were you? You said you were asked to keep it down which isn't the same thing.

You said yourself you would imagine your noise would be annoying so why the shock that people found it annoying?

From this quiet introvert, I think your fun was annoying someone and rather than consider why they were so bored with their company, they took it out in you.

I’m sorry you let it upset you, you should have just kept the merriment but at a quieter level.

I always look at reviews of a place I've not been to first. If you'd done that you would have saved yourself £800

Yes!

Turning music up louder will make everyone speak more loudly, it won't drown anyone out unless you turn it up to the point where the entire room has to give up on attempting to converse altogether.

But OP basically you're being berated on here because you dared to go out, spend money and have fun and MN has a very puritan bent these days.

Agree with this.

If I want loud music I'll go to a rock gig. It's not a good fit with a restaurant at all: people naturally want to have dinner conversation.

Unless a party is aggressive in tone, or foulmouthed, or keep giving side-eye as though daring someone else to challenge them, I like hearing other people having a great time.

Puritan 😂
It's actually because she and her family spoiled other people's fun.

Maybe they were bored as they couldn't have a conversation due to the noise from OP and her family. Horrible to sit there listening to rowdy people and you can't speak to your own companions.

It's actually because she and her family spoiled other people's fun.

Or possibly the shit service and over-loud music did? Or possibly everyone else was having fun and the waiter was just an arse?
So many possibilities. Unless you were there of course.

They couldn’t have a conversation due to the loud music that forced other people to speak more loudly.

Gosh, if only we had information from somebody who was there and confirms that staff don't have a word unless the table actually IS being disruptive.

My bet is your probably were being bloody loud. Doesn't mean I'd have complained as a nearby diner though - it's not exactly unexpected when you go out to eat.

So you picked and went to a nice restaurant and where having a lovely time bellowing at each other over music you stare to have been very loud and having been asked by wait staff to keep it down for the comfort and enjoyment of other guests you have subsequently decided the vibe was weird, the decor was not to your taste and you might leave a review to that effect. Which will just make you look like a bit of a plonker to be honest.

Having also worked in hospitality I can assure you that complaints from other guests are taken into account and acted upon accordingly if they have merit.

I would have asked them to turn the music down so didn't have to shout over it.
However,there are some people who are naturally loud talkers,it's possible to sit in a large coffee shop and hear one conversation above all others as the loud people have no awareness/care about the volume they chat at.
did you hav e two or three conversations going on at once?
don't let it stop you all going out and enjoying other family meals op.