Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have abandoned them

558 replies

Iyjd · 05/03/2023 07:31

We live about 35 minutes drive from DSCs Mum and we usually have them every weekend for the full weekend, this weekend she had plans so asked if she could have them from 10am yesterday and she would pick them up, DP normally does all pick ups and drop offs.

I had an appointment 10 minutes from her house at 10:15 so offered to meet her at 10 somewhere local and then drive the extra 5 minutes to my appointment instead of her driving here and back. I was on time with her DDs (9&11). At 10:10 she hadn’t arrived and I was worried about my appointment, it was important to me and I had prepaid so didn’t want to lose my money, there is a costa next door so I drove and parked up and put DSCs in there with hot chocolate and went to my appointment, oldest DSC messaged her Mum telling her where to pick them up from as we drove down.

I came out of my appointment and they were still sat in Costa without their Mum so I sat with them until about 10:45 when she arrived, when she came in she said sorry to her DDs for being late because she “got chatting to her friend in Tesco” and seemed to smirk at me. When they went to hug me bye she told them they didn’t have time and she blanked me.

A couple of hours later she’s been ringing my DP constantly and screaming down the phone about me putting her children in danger and that she will be contacting the police, social services and my work (I’m a teacher) about how I am unsafe around children. There have been some horrific texts about me saying she will let everyone know that I’m a danger and how I neglect children. I cannot get pregnant and a few years ago DSC1 asked if I would have a baby and DP explained that I can’t (with my agreement) and she must have told her Mum, this is now plastered all over her Facebook saying it is gods way of protecting the child from my harm (my friend checked her Facebook and called me after I had mentioned the incident yesterday, I didn’t ask and didn’t really want to know and she’s agreed not to in future).

I’m just wondering if it was acceptable to leave them in Costa, people I know irl have said yes but I’m not sure if they are just backing me up out of kindness.

OP posts:
Ceryneianhind · 05/03/2023 07:33

You've missed put the most important details

How old are they and how many of them and are there any special needs??

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/03/2023 07:34

You didn't abandon them, she did. You took them to the agreed place at the agreed time, gave her 10 minutes grace, then went to your appointment (which she knew you had).

It's not a good situation, but it's her fault not yours.

UdoU · 05/03/2023 07:34

YANBU. She sounds like an absolute cunt.

Never, ever do her childcare favours. Or any other kind of favours.

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/03/2023 07:34

It does say they are 9 and 11 in the OP...

LordEmsworth · 05/03/2023 07:35

Ceryneianhind · 05/03/2023 07:33

You've missed put the most important details

How old are they and how many of them and are there any special needs??

There are 2, 9 and 11. Nothing missing

IamnotSethRogan · 05/03/2023 07:37

I would likely think an 11 year old is OK, and I guess it depends on the 9 year old. I mean I guess they were mature enough as they waited. What was the appointment, like was it something important?

Either way she was late and her reaction is insane.

Aprilx · 05/03/2023 07:37

I think you should not have offered and it would have been better for her to pick them up. You were always on a tight schedule with only ten minutes available for slippage.

I am going to go against the grain here, but no if I were responsible for a 9 and 11 years old, I wouldn’t dump them in a coffee shop unless the parent had given me permission to do so. I would have missed my appointment and stayed with them, but then not make such an arrangement again.

whataboutnow · 05/03/2023 07:38

Could you not have taken the children to your appointment and had them wait in the waiting room. As you were back with them before 10 45 presumably it was a fairly short appointment. Personally I would not have left them in a coffee shop

Username721 · 05/03/2023 07:38

She probably smirked at you because she assumed she’d made you miss your appointment. When she later found out you’d gone anyway, that’s why she’s kicked off.

I’d have done the same as you, OP. She’s their mother.

londonrach · 05/03/2023 07:38

No one leave children that young alone in Costa. Couldn't you take them with you to appointment.

Poscapen · 05/03/2023 07:39

Ceryneianhind · 05/03/2023 07:33

You've missed put the most important details

How old are they and how many of them and are there any special needs??

There are two of them, 9 and 11. I'm sure that Op wouldn't have left any child if they had special needs that had to be attended to. 🙄
Op, you did nothing wrong. The woman's a loon. Keep evidence in case you need to get the police involved for harrassment.

BakedTattie · 05/03/2023 07:39

I wouldn’t have left them in a costa. I would have taken them to the appointment with me and they could have waited there.
if this wasn’t an option, I’d have missed the appointment.

her reaction is insane and over the top though.

londonrach · 05/03/2023 07:40

Way not one. Yabu leaving a 9 and 11 alone but their mother shouldn't have been late. Don't help again.

Standbyguest · 05/03/2023 07:40

@Ceryneianhind no, you missed out reading the important details

OP, at 11 and 9 they are perfectly fine to sit in Costa for half an hour with a phone, and the mum was a total prick showing up late because she bumped into a friend (bet that was a lie too). What does your DH say?

anunlikelyseahorse · 05/03/2023 07:40

9 & 11 sitting in costa I think is fine. Even more so if 11 is at secondary school, where very often they are expected to get themselves home using public transport. Many 9s and overs are often out playing in our local park unsupervised. I think if they both have phones it's a nonissue (providing you trust them and they are sensible).

Comtesse · 05/03/2023 07:40

No harm, no foul. That’s the last time you do her a special favour then, isn’t it?

Circleoffifths · 05/03/2023 07:40

The children’s mother has behaved terribly about it.

But no, I wouldn’t have left them and would have taken them with me to wait in the waiting room (assuming that’s possible?)

Ceryneianhind · 05/03/2023 07:41

LordEmsworth · 05/03/2023 07:35

There are 2, 9 and 11. Nothing missing

Show quote history

Oh fgs, so it does!!

I am such a muppet

9 and 11, together, difficult depending on their personalities

But that said, she should have been there on time, and definitely not be posting vile stuff about on social media

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 07:41

Ceryneianhind · 05/03/2023 07:33

You've missed put the most important details

How old are they and how many of them and are there any special needs??

(9&11)

It says this very clearly

Original poster
Iyjd · 05/03/2023 07:41

Ceryneianhind · 05/03/2023 07:33

You've missed put the most important details

How old are they and how many of them and are there any special needs??

No special needs and I put they are 9 and 11. They are allowed to go to where this Costa is on their own with friends, their mum drops them off where I was meeting her.

And I couldn’t take them to the appointment, or I would have to save myself money on their expensive order.

She has form for expecting me to sort the childcare and kicking off if I don’t, she seems to expect it from me more than their Dad for some reason.

OP posts:
Icedlatteplease · 05/03/2023 07:42

Nope way way too young to be left on their own in Costa. Whilst she shouldn't have been late you left yourself wide open to a proper shit storm. If anything had happened to them the consequences would have been diabolical for you. I'm amazed as a teacher you even vaguely thought that was OK.

Yy to them waiting in the waiting room of your appointment.

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 07:42

I would have taken them to my appointment and made them wait in the waiting room.

But she's the one who let them down.

I think unfortunately for the children you are going to have to step back - no more favours.

Ceryneianhind · 05/03/2023 07:43

Apologies @Iyjd

I totally missed that! Can I blame the time?? Much too early on a Sunday morning

BlackFlyChardonnay · 05/03/2023 07:43

It really depends on the kids. I wouldn't leave mine at those ages tbh.

Obviously her reaction afterwards is totally over the top. But I don't think you should've left them. Don't do any childcare favours for her again.

CornishTiger · 05/03/2023 07:43

You should have taken them to the appt and then either wait in waiting room or in car.
You shouldn’t have left them at Costa.

Her concern about leaving them in Costa is justified . Her extreme response isn’t justified or okay though. She also shouldn’t have been late.

Swipe left for the next trending thread