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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sunday morning lifts and bloody McDonald's

548 replies

reddwarfgeek · 04/03/2023 21:01

Just a rant really.
My partner is going to away football to tomorrow. He'll be out of the house all day from 8am to 9pm. He's asked me for a lift to the train station, but not content with that he wants to go via McDonald's for a breakfast. It's slightly out of the way and will mean leaving house at 7:30am to get an 8:45am train, thus adding extra time on, probably means get up at 6:30am. I know that isn't that early for some people but I work 4 days and we have an early start Saturdays for DDs hobby. Sunday is the only day we have that's more relaxing. I have to get DD (5) sorted up and dressed etc.
He said the reason he wants to go to McDonald's is he won't have any other chance to eat anything all day! I find this hard to believe! The train journey is long but what about the other 10 hours? Anyway, we had a big argument and he said I'm a moaning cunt and that I'm making him drink on an empty stomach. Aww ..didums! 13 hours free time on a Sunday apparently isn't enough 🙈 it all seems a bit ungrateful.

I've no issue with the lift I just don't want to go to McDonald's at 8am on a Sunday morning thus likely making us late. The one nearby has issues with being short staffed and getting orders wrong, so I've no doubt it wouldn't be straightforward. We do have food in the house to eat for breakfast, he just doesn't want it.
AIBU?

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 09/03/2023 14:47

no it wont affect you yor name is on it half is yours-you can force a sale or he can buy you out but you will need legal advice and it co9uld take a while

MysteryBelle · 09/03/2023 17:23

reddwarfgeek · 08/03/2023 23:18

Hi, thanks for all the replies!
He wouldn't go to MILs as she lives in retirement accommodation and apart from anything else it's not allowed.
He won't go to his sister's ..they are TTC and in a difficult place so I'd never ask and they'd never volunteer.
The main issue is that he doesn't think he should go anywhere! He earns good money, pays the bills and this is his house...according to him and he can do what he likes 😔🙄 by the way, the house is in both our names. I'm not sure if I made it clear though that we never married, so this may put me in a difficult position financially?

Since Sunday night he's been mainly sleeping and avoiding me, barely speaking. Never an apology, he just avoids me. He's going to a party at the weekend, thus the cycle continues.
I'm so sick of him, waste of space.

He is so immature and the way he speaks to you, he’s vulgar.

wheeliegood · 09/03/2023 23:14

For the avoidance of doubt, being around a drunk parent when you're a child is really scary and scars you. I really hope you can find a way out. You deserve much better as well.

CantStopWontStop0 · 09/03/2023 23:21

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PigeonPlayingChicken · 09/03/2023 23:44

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What a sad life you lead. Raise your bar.

CantStopWontStop0 · 09/03/2023 23:48

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Stewball01 · 11/03/2023 15:30

Sodding men. Why are they so disgusting.

AuntMarch · 12/03/2023 09:49

Did he go to the party last night OP?

Original poster
reddwarfgeek · 14/03/2023 14:48

Hi all, I'm still here.

Yes he went to the party on Saturday, had 10-15 pints, same shit as last week. Came in about 12:30am , turned music up to maximum, I was asleep and woke up, thought I was going to have a heart attack due to the volume! He spent the majority of Sunday sleeping on the sofa liked a beached whale while I entertained DD.

I've been looking into leaving but I'm actually terrified of 50/50 custody. He's not the sort of man who would give me anything easily, I know he'd definitely want this (despite not being a hands on dad at all) and I couldn't cope not seeing DD every day.
Appreciate this thread has taken a turn, but does anyone have any advice on this?

OP posts:
Milkand2sugarsplease · 14/03/2023 14:53

Are you sure he would genuinely persue for 50:50 based on the fact that when it was his time he'd have to do EVERYTHING??

Innachu · 14/03/2023 14:58

From experience: 50/50 is very rarely awarded, he would have to make an exceptional case to get

VenusClapTrap · 14/03/2023 15:03

If you see the neighbours, I would apologise for the noise and tell them to have no qualms about reporting it to the police, as it would help you deal with it. If they do, it will back up your case that he is behaving unreasonably and not fit to have custody of a child.

Happierwithouthim · 14/03/2023 15:05

@reddwarfgeek note my username, it is infinitely better for you and your daughter to have a better life without this man in it, and you will cope with not seeing your daughter every day if it becomes 50/50 access, in my case it didn't. And we all live happier lives separately than we ever did together, it took the children time to adjust but they're definitely happier too

If he's willing to get help for his drinking would you be happy to stay together?

VikingsandDragons · 14/03/2023 15:08

I would bet just about anything that if you offer 50-50 and make it sound like it's what you want he will push back hard and he'll be a 3 hours alternate saturday afternoons and a trip to McDs on a Wednesday after school type dad. If you make it sound like you're broken by not seeing her every day he'll 'punish' you by going for 50-50.

LadyEloise1 · 14/03/2023 15:25

Oh my @reddwarfgeek
What a selfish. ba*tard.
I hope you don't have neighbours.
Please get legal advice.
That's no way to live. Sad
You and your poor dd.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 14/03/2023 16:04

If he mentions 50/50, respond with 'that's a great idea, gives me the opportunity to go to work ft/take up hobbies/go out with friends:gym etc' and I bet my bottom dollar he'll change his mind

TessoftheDubonnet · 14/03/2023 16:18

I agree he'll never want nor be able to do 50/50.
It would disrupt his drinking time too much.
Make him believe that 50/50 is what you want.
You need to be brave, @reddwarfgeek!

Sugarfree23 · 14/03/2023 16:38

@reddwarfgeek
You need to get proper advice. Womans Aid will help, they may advise you to get Social Services involved to help prevent him getting 50/50. Some men want to just to save maintenance but really they aren't great at looking after the child.

Please don't waste more time with this guy even his own mother, HIS MOTHER doesn't want you or her precious Grandchild living with him.

Please listen to her. Get you and the kid out of this situation

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2023 16:54

CleaningOutMyCloset · 14/03/2023 16:04

If he mentions 50/50, respond with 'that's a great idea, gives me the opportunity to go to work ft/take up hobbies/go out with friends:gym etc' and I bet my bottom dollar he'll change his mind

"Yay, that will give me a chance to date. Awesome."

See how quickly he's a part-timer.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/03/2023 17:28

reddwarfgeek · 14/03/2023 14:48

Hi all, I'm still here.

Yes he went to the party on Saturday, had 10-15 pints, same shit as last week. Came in about 12:30am , turned music up to maximum, I was asleep and woke up, thought I was going to have a heart attack due to the volume! He spent the majority of Sunday sleeping on the sofa liked a beached whale while I entertained DD.

I've been looking into leaving but I'm actually terrified of 50/50 custody. He's not the sort of man who would give me anything easily, I know he'd definitely want this (despite not being a hands on dad at all) and I couldn't cope not seeing DD every day.
Appreciate this thread has taken a turn, but does anyone have any advice on this?

Considering his habits, do you really think he's going to want to be 'primary parent' 50% of the time? I don't.

BFF was afraid of that too. Her nowEx threatened to sue for full custody, etc etc. They ended up with 50/50, which he 'stuck with' for about 3 months, although he constantly picked up late and dropped off early to get out of having to 'do parenting'. But soon the 'revenge' he felt in 'taking their son away from her' for 3.5 days a week paled in comparison to the 'delights' of the bachelor life, getting drunk and passing out, and not having to be responsible for a small child '24/3.5'. It soon dwindled down to EOW and then eventually to nothing.

End things. You can cope what you need to cope with in order to for you and DD to live safe, happy, and emotionally healthy lives. Consider what your lives will be if you stay, you won't be able to protect DD as she gets older. She will see what a prick her father is. She will see how you try to walk on eggshells to avoid his crap. Is that what you want to 'model' for her as the way she should be and what she should expect in a relationship?

GordonsAFGirl · 14/03/2023 19:21

Just coming back to say remember you can use a solicitor based anywhere these days. It doesn't have to be in your home town. There is an excellent one in Cheltenham, female starts with a B.
I am glad you are planning your new life.

Original poster
reddwarfgeek · 14/03/2023 19:22

@VenusClapTrap That's a good idea.
@LadyEloise1 We do have neighbours. They must think we are f*king nuts 😬🙈 They are very friendly to me when I see them, I'm not sure he ever chats to them.
@VikingsandDragons You are probably right. He would do many things to punish me, I think.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 14/03/2023 19:23

OP,
Start filming the state of him when he comes in after 10-15 pints and the noise he makes.
Any chance you get to film him drunk, take it.
These will be all time and dated.

Keep these for any claims he might make of wanting 50/50 and you will be sble to send them to family and friends to explain why you are leaving.

Show your GP what you and hour neighbours put up with.

You and your daughter being woken and terrified at the state he is in.

Box clever and start planning.

Original poster
reddwarfgeek · 14/03/2023 19:28

@billy1966 It's a good idea but I'm scared of filming him, he'll get angry.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 14/03/2023 19:40

reddwarfgeek · 14/03/2023 19:28

@billy1966 It's a good idea but I'm scared of filming him, he'll get angry.

Start recording the noise and the hour he comes in, banging about, pissed, and the loud music.

When he eventually collapses with drink, film if you can.
Have the phone in your pocket recording and conversation with, perhaps you asking him to turn the music down for your daughter and neighbours whom are trying to sleep.

If he leaves the place in a state after coming in drunk, snap it.

Think of building up a picture of how he behaves.

Ask your neighbours to ring the police.
Tell them it would really help you.

You can do this.