AIBU to ask for alternatives to toxic old MN

[FannyBawz]

I’ve been here 15 years and just find it all so nasty and toxic a lot of the time. The witty responses have gradually been replaced by snidey bitchiness much of the time, honestly it’s so depressing. People get jumped on all the time for asking for support.

Thats before we get to the way that womens rights are treated plus the whole sex forum fiasco.

and sorry I am fed up with having dildos waved at me every time I sign on.

Nobody seems to give a shit really at MNHQ and they have a like it or lump it mentality to valid concerns.

I know I don’t have to stay here and So does anybody have any recommendations for other forums? I see a new one called FemVox has been set up and it looks promising.

what else is out there?

Me too

I agree, but I would be on here all day! (The mods presumably are paid and fulltime?)

I dont see a lot of racism on here tbh (although there seems to be plenty of accusations.......)

I see MN at night as like late night TV. It can be ok to pass the time but I really should be in bed lol

I see plenty of accusations of it with no real evidence. People criticising MM is sometimes seen as racism when it is not.

I like it here; yes there have been some very unpleasant people with zero people skills and obvious issues- but most people are nice and helpful and answer posts without being stroppy.

Just ignore the fuckwits and focus on the kind people

So is Attagirls for debating/chat, minus the bunfights?

Does anyone have a tattle invite, I want to nosey about (please and thanks).

@Strictlyfanoftenyears the mods are all paid - but as well as the mods there is a volunteer team, called The Night Watch who are available (as the name would suggest!) during the night, to deal with any reports that might come in. They don't have the same powers as the mods, but they can hide threads if deemed necessary, until the mods are available.

It can be really hard to ignore them though. An ignore button would be great @MNHQ

Yeh you just need to ignore them

Theresxa couple who hound posters but if you don’t respond they eventually move on

I'd rather be able to have their posts hidden so I don't have to. Even better if we can add a message like "creepy foot guy" or "miserable cow".

tbh I’d love it too. Sneery poster here nothing to see

I was on a thread where the opposite was set up for the reverse. The thread I was on had a mix of views. The other one was completely homogenous in views.

The penny still doesn’t drop that given the choice people with differing views avoid them like the plague.

Ha yes. Even better if we can just put a 🙄there to save us the trouble.

Did they lock tattle down because of trolls? It's nearly impossible to get a code.

A snide filter would be great. Some forums would look like redacted FBI documents.

😂 some posters would get 1 per 1000 posts through and the thread would be mostly blank

lmao can you imagine the Harry and Megs threads if people could ignore? One person would have a thread full of love and another one full of hate.

To the OP, reddit is my favourite lurking destination.

Can anyone tell me what the vibe is like at tattle? I mean, as an actual member not a lurker.

I once posted here that I had a tattle code to give away and had at least 100 pms in a few minutes. I had to deactivate my account. So if anyone is thinking about doing it to be nice DONT.

So sorry for what you're going through @daretodenim. I really hope you're able to find sufficient support and get your way out of it soon . Your initial post in this thread so eloquently described precisely what I've been feeling regarding the shift in attitudes on MN and its potential causes.

Love the idea of an ignore button @leftbalance for tidying up threads to exclude obvious troll posts, and potentially reduce their enthusiasm for posting as they find themselves shouting into the void.

I agree @Lentilweaver regarding veiled racism, etc. I keep taking longer and longer breaks from MN because of it (was cheered a little today by the threads concerned about government language). The last time I was on here, an OP described the not unusual situation of her MIL essentially being a narcissist (although I don't believe that term was used) and the fact that her partner was still in the mode of 'desperately sacrificing it all to gain some impossible-to-achieve parental approval', which naturally negatively impacted the OP and their children, as well as the husband. Unfortunately the OP happened to mention that her husband or MIL were from a different ethnic background. The thread started to garner conspiracy theorists telling the OP the husband (who was so hard working he'd started supporting his mother at a young age) was after her money (because fOrUn) and even that he had concocted a plan with his absentee father to that end. Instead of being called out for blatant batshittery, the thread became full of "Oh I agree with NutJob1", "You better listen to NutJob2 to OP" and "NutJob3 is definitely right". It made my stomach churn, I can only imagine how the OP felt.

Do you think it is a measure of how society has changed though?

Not so much society but the tools we have at our disposal to let off some steam at a random stranger has become the "white lie" of poor behaviour.

Everybody else does it, ya know? No real harm.

It's sad and I don't see it changing anytime soon.

It's fine most of the time. Sometimes the trolls slip in but they don't last long at all. It was a real wild west before they brought in the invite code restrictions.