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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours sex life

225 replies

Granolaandyoghurt · 03/03/2023 23:01

AIBU not wanting to hear the neighbours having sex several times a week?! They are not overly loud but the construction of the houses means there's little soundproofing. I'm embarrassed that I can hear them but I'm just in bed trying to sleep, I'm sure they'd be embarrassed if they knew I could clearly hear them, but what can I do?! I can't exactly tell than can I?

OP posts:
Bansheed · 04/03/2023 03:55

Meh, sex noise is normal. OP is trying to argue that she is worried they may be 'mortified'. I would not give a damn if someone heard me having sex ...with my partner... in my bedroom ... at home.

landbeforegrime · 04/03/2023 03:58

no solution I'm afraid, just my general puzzlement as to why uk housing stock is so bad that many people think it's normal to be heard having sex or to hear neighbours having sex. there's not enough detached housing for everyone to avoid this. however, it's weird and of course not ok for anyone to live like this but we put up with it because we think it's normal. upgraded housing, better mandatory sound proofing in new builds, more detached family homes being built should be the norm. people's homes are their sanctuaries and should be built that way and everyone deserves to live better than this.

LetThemEatTurnips · 04/03/2023 04:03

Granolaandyoghurt · 03/03/2023 23:45

Why on earth should I?!!

Show quote history

Because then the problem might be solved!

You've only three options:
-communicate somehow
-ignore
-change something on your side

Mamaneedsadrink · 04/03/2023 04:12

landbeforegrime · 04/03/2023 03:58

no solution I'm afraid, just my general puzzlement as to why uk housing stock is so bad that many people think it's normal to be heard having sex or to hear neighbours having sex. there's not enough detached housing for everyone to avoid this. however, it's weird and of course not ok for anyone to live like this but we put up with it because we think it's normal. upgraded housing, better mandatory sound proofing in new builds, more detached family homes being built should be the norm. people's homes are their sanctuaries and should be built that way and everyone deserves to live better than this.

I agree. I find these threads so weird where people can hear their neighbours talking and that seems to be acceptable. Are there no building standards in the UK??

Emptycrackedcup · 04/03/2023 04:13

BadNomad · 04/03/2023 01:18

That will stop when they have children. It will be peaceful then...

Yeah except then she'll have to listen to a crying baby or screaming toddler. Ugh move OP!

DisneyPrincesss · 04/03/2023 04:13

Lysianthus · 04/03/2023 00:17

Brilliant!

Show quote history

Isn't that awful though? People having to be inhibited and careful in their own house. Unable to let go and enjoy sex fully in their own bedroom.

Muddays · 04/03/2023 04:28

Just play total passion killing music loudly when it gets too much. This is absolutely the start of a new thread surely. Music not to make love to. Go for depressing classical or hyper irritating repetitive pop perhaps. Either way you should get a laugh out of it.

WinkleTinkle · 04/03/2023 05:25

I had this in my old house. We knocked on the walls, it made no difference. So i had the conversation with them. I had to have another conversation as they didnt stop. Eventually i called their landlady & threatened them with environmental health & it stopped. The landlady was useless, she only evicted them as they stopped paying. I was pleased she lost out given she could have helped me & didnt.

unless youve been in this situation you cant understand how much it can affect your life. I couldnt sell my house knowing i would be passing that horrible problem on. It was awful

when i told them the first time they even asked their child if they could hear them! A house not even next to them could hear them thats how bad it was

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 05:32

WinkleTinkle · 04/03/2023 05:25

I had this in my old house. We knocked on the walls, it made no difference. So i had the conversation with them. I had to have another conversation as they didnt stop. Eventually i called their landlady & threatened them with environmental health & it stopped. The landlady was useless, she only evicted them as they stopped paying. I was pleased she lost out given she could have helped me & didnt.

unless youve been in this situation you cant understand how much it can affect your life. I couldnt sell my house knowing i would be passing that horrible problem on. It was awful

when i told them the first time they even asked their child if they could hear them! A house not even next to them could hear them thats how bad it was

Well you sound like a terrible person. Their poor landlady.

WinkleTinkle · 04/03/2023 06:02

@GoodChat You have absolutely no clue about the situation or the people involved. So your comment is null & void

Novatherova · 04/03/2023 06:06

Can you rearrange your bedroom so that your Wed is on another wall and put your wardrobe and chest of drawers on that wall?

Or just write a note and don't sign it. You said you live in an apartment block? Sound travels so well in those.

We used to live in one and could hear the baby crying on the ground floor and we we were 3 floors up.

"I'm really sorry but I'm one of your neighbours. I just wanted to let you know that when you are doing a certain aspect of life, sound travels due to poor sound proofing. I don't want to embarrass you but just letting you know that people can hear you so you can decide how to fix it."

MissMarplesbag · 04/03/2023 06:07

Can you move a wardrobe or put soundproof boards against the wall to muffle the sound?

Cuppa2sugars · 04/03/2023 06:19

Agree with lastnightidreamt

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 06:26

WinkleTinkle · 04/03/2023 06:02

@GoodChat You have absolutely no clue about the situation or the people involved. So your comment is null & void

I have a clue based on what you've written, which is how I based my judgment.

LlynTegid · 04/03/2023 06:26

Talk to them, if not then fake noises that are slightly not synchronised, applause, or as suggested music are options.

Cuppa2sugars · 04/03/2023 06:33

BadNomad · 04/03/2023 01:18

That will stop when they have children. It will be peaceful then...

No it won’t, you’ll have screaming baby to complain about !

WinkleTinkle · 04/03/2023 06:35

@GoodChat My post was a snap shot based on a specific situation around the OP, not the 4 years worth of a living hell which involved the police, violence, threats, screaming to her son she wished she'd never had him, all from the neighbours side. So like i said you really dont have a clue. So you shouldnt make judgements unless you've walked in someone's shoes & know the full facts, which you clearly do not.

furryfrontbottom · 04/03/2023 06:43

Put Donna Summer on loudspeakers.

IReallyDontLikePeopleVeryMuch · 04/03/2023 06:44

I had this problem when I owned a flat years ago, once it went quiet I used to shout a score very loudly
'3 out of 10!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/03/2023 06:57

Buy a pair of ear plugs. No drama.

Hebehouse · 04/03/2023 07:03

This takes me back to when I first lived with my boyfriend. I was chatting with the man from the upstairs flat when he suddenly said 'these flats aren't well soundproofed'. 35 years later I still blush with embarrassment when I think about it Blush

Robyn847 · 04/03/2023 07:13

Match her, groan for groan, but longer and louder, just a fraction of a second after she groans.

That'll make them realise you can hear, AND put him off his stride.

GrinAndVomit · 04/03/2023 07:28

I’m so confused. Why are have you made a thread about something you don’t care about?
If you don’t care, then carry on. If they were bothered about people hearing, they’d be quiet.

romatheroamer · 04/03/2023 07:32

Totally agree with pps about British housing stock being so poor. In current rental although living rooms separated by garages, can hear next door bedroom (but haven't heard "that"!). Other houses built-in wardrobes have been on party wall so never heard anything. But then in those have had living room neighbour noise. Also here bathrooms adjacent and loos separated just by wall!

Moveoverdarlin · 04/03/2023 07:36

They won’t mind that you can hear them, they probably realise you can. In fact it might add to fun. Don’t approach them, but maybe if it bothers you (which you’ve said it doesn’t) make loud noise when they’re doing it I.e hoover, coughing fit, talking to the cat, music or telly on. Then they will know for sure you can hear.