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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm giving a lift - he's taking the credit

255 replies

thebluehen · 03/03/2023 13:24

So, we are going out tomorrow night with friends. I spoke to DP and offered to drive, he then suggests we pick up one of the other couple's too. I agreed and he said he would let them know.

Now I see on a group chat between us all, those friends are thanking DP for giving them a lift. He won't be giving them a lift as I will be driving - and making the sacrifice of not having a drink, which I do quite regularly so his friends are aware of who ends up not drinking.

AIBU to think DP should now comment in the group chat and correct them that actually he won't be driving but I will be??

He also makes offers for people to come round to dinner without asking me. DP doesn't ever do any food shopping and cooks about 3 times a year.

Both these things make me feel disrespected.

I have no problem in giving the lift and I have no problem with people coming round - it is the way he deals with it that offends me.

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 03/03/2023 13:40

They'll find out on the day when you drive. They'll thank you then surely? And, depending on what he said in the group chat, think he's a bit of a dick for taking credit. I don't think I could find time to be cross about this.

Iyjd · 03/03/2023 13:43

He would now be driving!

Thesharkradar · 03/03/2023 13:44

Stop being a doormat, if he invites people for dinner let him do the cooking, if he doesn't do any cooking he's going to feel embarrassed when they all turn up and there's no food 🤷
He's doing it because you're letting him get away with it!

Eddielizzard · 03/03/2023 13:45

He takes the credit, he drives. He invites friends over, he cleans, shops, cooks.

Maray1967 · 03/03/2023 13:46

UdoU · 03/03/2023 13:26

YANBU. I would come down with a cold and say you will no longer be going.

Please stop cooking for him and his guests. If he invites anyone again, just make sure you go out and leave him to it.

That's the only way he'll learn.

Exactly this. This behaviour needs to be stopped via him learning the consequences.

EllieU · 03/03/2023 13:48

I couldn't be this childish. They'll see with their eyeballs when you pick them up that it's in fact you driving. Why do you need the credit up front?

momtoboys · 03/03/2023 13:50

I would jump on the group chat and say “just so you know , I am the one driving! Mr is taking the piss”!

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/03/2023 13:51

momtoboys · 03/03/2023 13:50

I would jump on the group chat and say “just so you know , I am the one driving! Mr is taking the piss”!

Yes that's what I'd do. H loves to take the credit but is he hell driving you anywhere!

DramaLlama20 · 03/03/2023 13:52

This! Sounds like it's your turn. When friends come round he can stump up for a takeaway! You're not the maid.

Clymene · 03/03/2023 13:53

Why aren't you standing up for yourself and pointing out that it's you driving?

Aprilx · 03/03/2023 13:53

momtoboys · 03/03/2023 13:50

I would jump on the group chat and say “just so you know , I am the one driving! Mr is taking the piss”!

And if I read that in the group chat I would think you odd and find it uncomfortable to be alerted to some spat between a couple over such a non issue.

Clymene · 03/03/2023 13:54

You are in the group chat right?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/03/2023 13:55

Obviously they are thanking him, he is the one that has offered them the lift. I expect that they will thank you on the day and they are going to see that you are driving so you will get the credit. Either you or him making a big thing on the chat about how it’s actually you driving and who should be thanked will just look ridiculous. And to be fair it does sound like it was your husband who thought to offer them a lift, even if it is you who is facilitating that being possible so surely it makes sense that they thank him for offering a lift and then thank you for driving them.

Pallisers · 03/03/2023 13:55

Magenta82 · 03/03/2023 13:28

I would also thank him for driving in the group chat, say it will be lovely to be able to have an unexpected drink.

totally do this. Say "oh I thought I was driving how nice that you are doing it now"

If he invites people to dinner without asking you first just look at him and ask what is he serving them.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/03/2023 13:56

Clymene · 03/03/2023 13:53

Why aren't you standing up for yourself and pointing out that it's you driving?

Why do you feel the need to? I would think it strange and unnecessary if you did that and probably would feel that it was easier to not accept the lift than get in to whatever drama you are making out of it.

Branster · 03/03/2023 13:56

Does it really matter?
You're doing it because you want to - I assume.
Unless not drinking is such hardship that you feel your efforts must be acknowledged to you personally.

ImustLearn2Cook · 03/03/2023 13:57

Credit should go where credit is due.

Him posting ‘glad to be of help but it’s actually thebluehen that’s giving you the lift not me,’ would be the right thing to do and shows integrity.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/03/2023 13:57

Pallisers · 03/03/2023 13:55

totally do this. Say "oh I thought I was driving how nice that you are doing it now"

If he invites people to dinner without asking you first just look at him and ask what is he serving them.

Show quote history

Totally don’t, really unnecessary and pathetic. Just let them thank you on the day.

rwalker · 03/03/2023 13:57

The couple have assumed couldn’t be that petty to demand he corrects it life too short

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 03/03/2023 13:58

Order a bottle of wine for yourself once you get there and remind DH infront of his friends that HE is driving. Halo

Practice your "innocent" face.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 03/03/2023 14:00

He also makes offers for people to come round to dinner without asking me. DP doesn't ever do any food shopping and cooks about 3 times a year.

And buy him a new apron, or let him order takeaway.

pictoosh · 03/03/2023 14:00

Agree that it will be obvious who the driver is on the night so no pressing need to credit you on the group. Your annoyance over this is clearly symptomatic of his overall taking you for granted.
I do all the cooking in here and as friendly as I am I’d be furious to have dinner guests landed on me without any input from him. Of course he doesn’t get to invite people on a whim if he’s not going to pitch in and take responsibility. How rude.

Aprilx · 03/03/2023 14:00

ImustLearn2Cook · 03/03/2023 13:57

Credit should go where credit is due.

Him posting ‘glad to be of help but it’s actually thebluehen that’s giving you the lift not me,’ would be the right thing to do and shows integrity.

But unless they are planning to place bags over their friends heads when they get to the car, it will be glaringly obvious who is driving.

And seriously if I saw any of the passive aggressive comments that have been suggested on the group chat, I would tell them not to worry about the lift as I would want to distance myself from whatever it is that is causing such an issue between bluehen and her boyfriend.

UdoU · 03/03/2023 14:01

I think people are disregarding this key bit in the OP:

and making the sacrifice of not having a drink, which I do quite regularly so his friends are aware of who ends up not drinking.

So these 'friends' know very well it's OP driving as she is his regular designated driver, but they are thanking her DH whilst dismissing her.

I really would not go to these drinks. Or if they're such good friends, one of them can pick DH and OP up.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/03/2023 14:01

ImustLearn2Cook · 03/03/2023 13:57

Credit should go where credit is due.

Him posting ‘glad to be of help but it’s actually thebluehen that’s giving you the lift not me,’ would be the right thing to do and shows integrity.

To me that would sound like he is not going to be in the car. As a couple you are giving them a lift. Next time just say that you will let them know and then you will be the one to get the upfront credit.