DH cheated - do I forgive him?

[ch91566]

Looking for some advice as I'm stuck at what to do.

Me and DH got married a year ago, he is close friends with a woman that he met at uni, they've always been close but I've never had a problem with this as she was in a relationship and I know her but we aren't close.

She's recently split with her partner so DH has been there to support her and help with her toddler.

DH has admitted that they slept together but has said he didn't mean for it to happen, it was a mistake and won't happen again etc.

I'm not sure what to think, do I forgive him? Any advice will be appreciated

Has he severed all contact with her?

What a horrible situation to be in. Sounds like she has used him to play happy family (has she always been with someone, and your DP has always been the fall back guy?), and he took advantage of the situation.
if you asked him to leave - would he go to her? Until she is in a relationship again and casts him aside? I’m order to ask him back when she is single?

A man doesn’t have sex by accident. Especially not a man who’s been all over his female friend ‘helping’ ever since she’s been single.

If you don’t have children yet then ending the marriage is simple. If you stay, my worry for you is that you’ll end up financially trapped looking after his children, and it will be very difficult to leave, and if he’s shagging around on his bride of only a year he’ll certainly cheat when you’re pregnant, physically less attractive/available and tired etc etc.

I’m genuinely sorry to be saying this. 😔

If he confessed because he is genuinely distraught then I think I could forgive but I would have to have been 1 time and he would need to cut all ties with her forever. It won't be easy but if that happens I think you could rebuild the marriage.

I suppose at least he has admitted it so that you can at least decide if you want to stay with a cheater or not.

I mean it could go either way couldn't it?

He really regrets it & it won't happen again or he'll do it again because he did it before & you stayed.

I couldn't stay as it would be too much of a betrayal for me.

Weren't Matt Hancock and his former mistress turned girlfriend university friends?

Jesus, these tripped and fell into a vagina accidents are becoming terrifyingly common. I'm starting to see why chastity belts were invented given how many poor, unsuspecting men have come a cropper to one.

FFS.

You've been married a year. Together less than 5. I would bet everything I own that if you forgive him now this will be the pattern for your entire life, so you need to decide if you're comfortable knowing he will be sleeping with other people, or if you want an exclusive relationship.

It’s very hard to continue with a marriage after cheating. Betrayal, loss of trust, forgiveness, etc. However I have a close friend who had done this after her husband of 30 years had an affair.

I would suggest you seek counselling/therapy on your own at first to work through your feelings. For some it’s cut and dried, it’s a divorce and nothing less.

You haven’t really disclosed your gut feelings about his confession, if you truly don’t know what you feel then therapy is even more necessary for you.

You don’t even need to make a decision yet. You could stay as you are and say you’ll see how you feel in 3 months time, or ask him to move out for a trial period.

Do you get the impression that one or the other of them has got long held feelings for the other? Is he offering to cut his friend out of his life? How long were you together before you got married? How was your marriage before this happened? Did they use protection? How did you find out?You don’t need to tell us but all these things are relevant.

He's told you to make himself feel better, and he hasn't offered a valid explanation for his behaviour.

He's cheated with someone he likes enough that he looks after her child. It sounds like he's known her for longer than you. So they have a close emotional bond and are apparently attracted to each other.

If you stay with him, you're going to feel insecure, ask him to stop seeing the woman he cheated on you with, and he's going to gaslight you about how 'controlling' you are, whilst waiting for an opportunity to shag her again.

He's not your son's bio dad, and your son is small enough to forget him. It's been a short marriage so far.

Honestly, I'd get rid. You've been together for a couple of years only and the trust is already gone. I don't think there's enough of a foundation to walk it back, and you don't deserve to spend the rest of your life feeling compelled to check your partner's phone and coat pockets and worry that you're being paranoid, when actually, he's off having yet another affair.

He's fancied her for years and the first chance of a shag he got he took it. Some husband he is...
if you have any chance of forgiving him he needs to admit his feeling for her and cut her off. As a minimum.

If you are here asking! Please forgive him: cos you are obviously NOT ready to leave him!

She'd be welcome to him, I don't forgive and I certainly don't forget.

I'm so sorry OP.

You've only been married a year. You don't have sec with someone by accident. His behaviour is appalling.
Personally I would not forgive this and would divorce him.

He didn't mean to? So he slipped and his dick ended up inside her? An accident is reversing your car into a bollard, not shagging a friend

So now my rant is out the way, it's up to you op. I spent another 3 years with my dh after his affair, but he did r tell me and wasn't transparent about what happened

It's good he told you, but you both need to understand that your relationship will NEVER be the same. That trust you have will always be tainted. Is he going to cut all contact, never see her again? These are questions I'd need answering, along with why did it happen?

Only you can decide this. my husband cheated on me 2 yrs into our marriage. we did get over it and have now been happily married 36yrs
I don't regret taking him back. it was in some ways the harder option esp as others had views on what I should do .
Take time and don't feel you have to act or behave in a certain way
Good luck

I might if it suited me to take him back. Do what you want to do.

i wouldn’t. There isn’t dust on your wedding photos yet and he’s cheated. Cut your losses.

No.

Surely it's up to you whether you forgive him or not ?

Not a bunch of randoms on a chat forum

You beat me to it!

OP, one year into a marriage, leave him, this is no life for you.

Has he cut all contact with her? Has he read any books about healing a marriage? Has he booked therapy for himself? Has he moved out to give you space to process his affair? If not, what action has he taken to reassure you it won’t happen again? Words are cheap - it’s actions that count.

I meant to ask why was he helping her with her toddler ? Surely most people ie women get on with because they have to and I think he might have told you before someone else does. In his mind absolving himself from guilt by giving you the old 'I'm so sorry it just happened, she leapt on me rubbish.'

If you want to be a mug then yes, forgive him.

If it were a long term previously good relationship shared house, kids etc cheating partner taking responsibility for their actions willing to put the work in to earn trust back more likely to not say LTB.
I think it happening only a year into marriage with a long time friend who is recently single does make a difference. Either he has always fancied his chances and now she is free he has gone for it, or she is feeling a bit vulnerable after her break up and instigated it and he hasn’t turned her down. I think I would be cutting my losses if he cannot even be honest “ it just happened is not a reason”.