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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
Vlunken · 02/03/2023 22:32

I want any driver swerving on the roads at 2am stopped

😅😅

MadSad · 02/03/2023 22:32

My Dad was a copper and I used to have to so much respect for them. Seems naive now. Not a chance in hell would I have got out the car for them. You are definitely not being unreasonable, sadly.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/03/2023 22:32

Suzi888 · 02/03/2023 22:29

Then your husband would understand why a lone woman would not want to get out of the vehicle.

Have you been keeping up with the news lately?

You aren’t obliged to exit the vehicle, you can drive to a police station to be tested.

Show quote history

Once you have been stopped under suspicion of drink driving do you really think you’d be allowed to drive anywhere ? The OP had already been stopped and offered to drive to the nearest police station to take the breathalyser. Do you really not see anything wrong with that ?

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:32

FOJN · 02/03/2023 22:29

The thread isn't about your husband, it's about women's loss of trust in the police generally because of the awful behaviour they seem to tolerate in their ranks.

Show quote history

Actually it is about her husband and the tens of thousands of other police officers doing the same amazing job. Because this whipping up of hatred makes their job more difficult and even more dangerous. So yes people will stand up to that.

whilst it’s clear there are some bad apples there are everywhere.

crimsonpeak · 02/03/2023 22:33

Good on you OP. You’re incredible. Standing your ground was the right thing to do.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 02/03/2023 22:33

MoirasSaggyBundles · 02/03/2023 22:17

The OP has also said she would have taken the test had it been offered to her while she remained in situ in her car. The police did not do this. They let her drive away. They clearly did not believe she was any risk as a driver. The follow up phone call was therefore completely unnecessary, and/or an attempt to intimidate or try to deflect from the policemen' own lack of procedural knowledge.

Show quote history

The phone call may have been just a polite reminder that the police officers would have been entirely within the law had they arrested OP and taken her to the station for the purpose of obtaining a sample, and that if it happens again the best way for everyone involved to resolve the situation is just to take the bloody test when asked.

Baffled at the number of people in here who seem to believe that when they are stopped by the police, they themselves are the ones who are then the authority on what happens next. Waiting for husbands, driving to police stations etc. It's ridiculous. If the police have enough concern to stop you, they are not going to sit with their thumbs up their arses while your DH takes however the hell long it takes him to appear, or throw best practice out the window because you don't want to get out of your car, and run the risk of someone committing a serious offence walking away scot-free because they caved in to someone being prissy.

I've been arrested more times than I like to admit, and it's precisely for that reason I feel qualified to say that obstructing the police when they are quite reasonably going about perfectly normal police business does not tend to end well for the member of the public. You are not above the law just because you think your arse is being put out of joint. They are not going to make exceptions for you just because you are being difficult, individual officers are not interested in getting into a philosophical debate with you about perceptions of the police held by the general public, they just want to get on with their job, and hopefully resolve things quickly enough that your day is also subjected to minimal disruption.

OP is fortunate that the attending officers clearly applied some common sense and discretion, and I don't think it's in any way inappropriate for a more senior officer to remind her that she technically committed an offence with her non-compliance, and to ponder how she might respond in the same circumstances should they arise in future.

Vlunken · 02/03/2023 22:33

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:32

Actually it is about her husband and the tens of thousands of other police officers doing the same amazing job. Because this whipping up of hatred makes their job more difficult and even more dangerous. So yes people will stand up to that.

whilst it’s clear there are some bad apples there are everywhere.

Show quote history

Shame the police didn't think about that when they were whipping up hatred against women.

ArabellaScott · 02/03/2023 22:34

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:32

Actually it is about her husband and the tens of thousands of other police officers doing the same amazing job. Because this whipping up of hatred makes their job more difficult and even more dangerous. So yes people will stand up to that.

whilst it’s clear there are some bad apples there are everywhere.

Show quote history

This isn't 'hatred'.

It's mistrust.

Pallisers · 02/03/2023 22:34

I take it you've never swerved to avoid a pothole then. your car's suspension must be shite.

And laughing at the idea of it being civil disobedience for a woman on her own in the middle of the night to refuse to put herself in potential danger but instead try to comply in safe ways. Have you read nothing in the news recently about the police? does it all just go over your head? No worries, they are the police, must obey?

ArabellaScott · 02/03/2023 22:34

Or fear, if you like.

CarrieBsWardrobe · 02/03/2023 22:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:35

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 02/03/2023 22:24

Not much help given many actual officers have been shown to be abusive/ violent/ rapists/ murders.

Show quote history

what percentage is “many”??? Is this more or less than the general make population?

Rosscameasdoody · 02/03/2023 22:35

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:22

So to summarise the “advice” on this thread

  1. don’t stop for police
  2. refuse to provide a breath test
  3. demand he police allow a suspected drink driver to carry on driver
  4. Rant at them about someone potentially several hundred miles away who was a murderer who abused his position
  5. Get a valuable extremely overstretched resource to hang around for husband to show up, sod all the emergency calls coming through, eg a domestic violence incident, ie a woman actually under threat

Yep. Basically, most posters are advocating civil disobedience, and will probably be the first to complain when it all turns to shit as a result.

ArabellaScott · 02/03/2023 22:35

It's not 'rude' to be cautious/scared/afraid of the police.

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:35

ArabellaScott · 02/03/2023 22:23

Yeah, but what women need to regain trust in the police is for people to tell us 'we ought to be ashamed of ourselves'.

That'll do it.

Show quote history

Out of the thousands of officers a snapshot of evil men isn't the same as saying they're all the same, which is what is coming across in these posts.

Bringing down the police who are actually decent people and tarring them all as rapists etc is awful and I stand by what I said.

I'm sure you'd all trust them if presented with a burglar or are you going to say no to the mail officers who turn up because they're men and god forbid they may turn out to be rapists so you won't let them in.

SpyouttheLand · 02/03/2023 22:36

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:32

Actually it is about her husband and the tens of thousands of other police officers doing the same amazing job. Because this whipping up of hatred makes their job more difficult and even more dangerous. So yes people will stand up to that.

whilst it’s clear there are some bad apples there are everywhere.

Show quote history

Surely it's the 100s of abusive men working as police officers you need to point the finger at for "whipping up hatred"? Not the women scared of the people who they should be able to turn to when they need protecting.

CarrieBsWardrobe · 02/03/2023 22:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Vlunken · 02/03/2023 22:36

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:35

Out of the thousands of officers a snapshot of evil men isn't the same as saying they're all the same, which is what is coming across in these posts.

Bringing down the police who are actually decent people and tarring them all as rapists etc is awful and I stand by what I said.

I'm sure you'd all trust them if presented with a burglar or are you going to say no to the mail officers who turn up because they're men and god forbid they may turn out to be rapists so you won't let them in.

Show quote history

That's a silly argument because they don't bother turning up for burglars anyway.

Lou670 · 02/03/2023 22:36

Going by the amount of potholes everywhere, are the police stopping everyone that is swerving to avoid the holes? My husband's car has just been classed as a right off as too expensive to repair, after hitting a pothole. I am swerving (if safe to do so) to avoid the same thing happening to my car. Not all drivers at 2am are intoxicated. We are a family of 4 and 3 of us are shift workers driving at all hours of the day or night.

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:36

ArabellaScott · 02/03/2023 22:34

This isn't 'hatred'.

It's mistrust.

Show quote history

And in what logical basis does the extremely small number of cases give you to mistrust every police officer you meet?

Fansandblankets · 02/03/2023 22:37

Similar happened to my husband in the middle of the night when he was trying to get to the hospital as his dad was dying. Asking him loads of questions about where he was going, where he’d come from etc etc. By the time he got to the hospital it was too late .

Ratonastick · 02/03/2023 22:37

I still have the correspondence with a solicitor. I can quite assure you that I am not making it up.

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:38

Vlunken · 02/03/2023 22:36

That's a silly argument because they don't bother turning up for burglars anyway.

Show quote history

Or maybe the incredibly small amount of police just haven’t got the capacity

FOJN · 02/03/2023 22:39

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:22

So to summarise the “advice” on this thread

  1. don’t stop for police
  2. refuse to provide a breath test
  3. demand he police allow a suspected drink driver to carry on driver
  4. Rant at them about someone potentially several hundred miles away who was a murderer who abused his position
  5. Get a valuable extremely overstretched resource to hang around for husband to show up, sod all the emergency calls coming through, eg a domestic violence incident, ie a woman actually under threat
  1. The OP stopped. No one has suggested that a police car chase would be fun.
  2. The OP did not refuse to provide a breath test, she expressed her willingness to be breathalysed.
  3. The OP suggested she could drive to a police station, she did not demand. The reason why that was not appropriate have been mentioned several times.
  4. The OP hasn't ranted at anyone and I haven't seen anyone suggest that would be appropriate course of action but clearly the case you are referring to, along with many other reports of unprofessional/unlawful behaviour by the police has damaged trust and women feel the need to be cautious.
  5. Women should not have to compromise their own safety because the police are under resourced.

Is there a reason you felt the need to invent this narrative?

ApiratesaysYarrr · 02/03/2023 22:39

I think that it would have been understandable to not want to get out of the car for a lone policeman, but what is the likelihood of a pair of policemen committing crimes together? I say that as someone who had a bad experience with police, and certainly does not feel that they are automatically right or fair.

Potentially they could have arrested you, but it sounds like they (likely mindful of the recent cases involving policemen) tried not to appear too threatening.