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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
CarrieBsWardrobe · 02/03/2023 22:21

Ratonastick · 02/03/2023 22:17

Coming to this thread very late and haven’t read it in full. I think you were very wise to be cautious, but be aware that the pol ie have a lot of power. I was in a similar position about 10 years ago. I refused to get out of the car for a lone police officer in a country lane at around 11pm and he basically tried to force the issue when I said I wanted to see ID. It was absolutely terrifying. It was followed up with a similar phone call to tell me off and I said his behaviour was inappropriate and threatening. I got pulled 3 times for speeding in the next month, 31mph, 31mph and 33mph, no speed awareness course offered so 9 points. Then I got pulled over again and told to think very carefully if I ever fancied reporting a traffic officer again. They left me alone after that. There was absolutely nothing I could do and they were careful not to get it anywhere near court.

So basically my advice is to drive very very carefully for the next few months as their colleagues may well be looking to “punish” you. And as a particularly revolting aside, issues reported in the Met come as no surprise and I am sure they are endemic based on my own experience.

I do not believe this at all. Why make such rubbish up?

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:21

OK reading some of these messages I'm ready to blow my top.

Comments like "the state of the police now" what the actual??

My DH is a Policeman. He goes out in all weathers, has days off cancelled, works 12 to sometimes 15 hour days, Xmas day, NYE.

Some shifts he doesn't have time to eat. He's gone into work injured. He's being attacked and spat on. Knifed.

He sacrifices lots for his job because he is proud to do it and he is the kindest and caring man.

All to protect and help people. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

The police are the first ones to help and the last to be thanked. He patrols mainly alone because they're that under funded.

All you hear about is the NHS being underfunded. Nothing about them.

You get bad eggs in every profession. I work in a hospital and worked with a HCA who was arrested for assaulting vulnerable female patients.

Look at the ones who are filmed in nursing homes being cruel to elderly people.

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:22

So to summarise the “advice” on this thread

  1. don’t stop for police
  2. refuse to provide a breath test
  3. demand he police allow a suspected drink driver to carry on driver
  4. Rant at them about someone potentially several hundred miles away who was a murderer who abused his position
  5. Get a valuable extremely overstretched resource to hang around for husband to show up, sod all the emergency calls coming through, eg a domestic violence incident, ie a woman actually under threat
BoredOfThisMansWorld · 02/03/2023 22:22

Rosscameasdoody · 02/03/2023 22:07

So, you’re a woman at home alone, and you suspect there’s an intruder in the house. You ring the police and two burly male officers turn up. Do you let them in ?

Is this an attempt at a gotcha?

It doesn't really work. Women are fucked, we know that. The police are deeply institutionally misogynist and yet without them we'd be in even more danger from all the other violent misogynists.

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 02/03/2023 22:23

Not all police obviously.

Just as not all men.

ArabellaScott · 02/03/2023 22:23

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 02/03/2023 22:22

Is this an attempt at a gotcha?

It doesn't really work. Women are fucked, we know that. The police are deeply institutionally misogynist and yet without them we'd be in even more danger from all the other violent misogynists.

Show quote history

Yeah, but what women need to regain trust in the police is for people to tell us 'we ought to be ashamed of ourselves'.

That'll do it.

FiddleLeaf · 02/03/2023 22:23

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:21

OK reading some of these messages I'm ready to blow my top.

Comments like "the state of the police now" what the actual??

My DH is a Policeman. He goes out in all weathers, has days off cancelled, works 12 to sometimes 15 hour days, Xmas day, NYE.

Some shifts he doesn't have time to eat. He's gone into work injured. He's being attacked and spat on. Knifed.

He sacrifices lots for his job because he is proud to do it and he is the kindest and caring man.

All to protect and help people. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

The police are the first ones to help and the last to be thanked. He patrols mainly alone because they're that under funded.

All you hear about is the NHS being underfunded. Nothing about them.

You get bad eggs in every profession. I work in a hospital and worked with a HCA who was arrested for assaulting vulnerable female patients.

Look at the ones who are filmed in nursing homes being cruel to elderly people.

Yes, not all policemen but some is enough.

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 02/03/2023 22:24

PuttingDownRoots · 02/03/2023 17:09

Other option is to offer to ring the police station with their badge numbers to verify the stop...

But if they suspect you of drink driving I can see why they wouldn't want you driving off!

Not much help given many actual officers have been shown to be abusive/ violent/ rapists/ murders.

Thesharkradar · 02/03/2023 22:25

If you were a female, alone at home, at night, and there was an intruder in the house, I doubt if you’d think twice about trusting the police to help you
In the situation you describe you'd be choosing the lesser of the 2 evils/2 risks, ie tackle the intruder yourself or call on the police if there was another option of calling on someone who you could 100% trust you'd take that instead.

Leftbutcameback · 02/03/2023 22:25

Rosscameasdoody · 02/03/2023 22:14

They suspected her of drink driving. Why would they let her drive anywhere until they had verified that she was sober ?

Show quote history

This is advice for a different situation (mentioned elsewhere in the thread in numerous comments) about not stopping and going to a police station. The advice from a good firm of solicitors is that it’s not unlawful to drive to a well lit location - but you should not speed and ideally acknowledge you are being asked to stop.

It expressly applies to that situation; I found it useful and thought others would too.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/03/2023 22:25

Goldenbear · 02/03/2023 22:18

A digression but why do you have to have a good reason for driving at 2am?

Probably because the police have the experience to know that quite a few people on the road at that hour are up to no good. And by stopping and asking questions they catch people up to no good. Isn’t that what the police are there fore ? Or should we all just ignore their requests for us to comply with what, in the end, is the law of the land, because we’re women and it might be dangerous ?

CarrieBsWardrobe · 02/03/2023 22:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Vlunken · 02/03/2023 22:27

So, you’re a woman at home alone, and you suspect there’s an intruder in the house. You ring the police and two burly male officers turn up. Do you let them in ?

I'd be outside for a start

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:28

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:22

So to summarise the “advice” on this thread

  1. don’t stop for police
  2. refuse to provide a breath test
  3. demand he police allow a suspected drink driver to carry on driver
  4. Rant at them about someone potentially several hundred miles away who was a murderer who abused his position
  5. Get a valuable extremely overstretched resource to hang around for husband to show up, sod all the emergency calls coming through, eg a domestic violence incident, ie a woman actually under threat

This! Could not have said it better.

Thank you, someone with common sense.

Thesharkradar · 02/03/2023 22:28

He sacrifices lots for his job because he is proud to do it and he is the kindest and caring man
He is a hero and I salute him...but how can we tell the bad ones from the good ones? The bad ones do everything they can to look like the heroic ones, how do we know which ones are predators masquerading as heroes until it's too late, like it was for poor Sarah?

Vlunken · 02/03/2023 22:28

How are none of you realising that the officers were right to pull over the OP if they saw her swerving and right to request a breathalyser?

Swerving to avoid a pothole isn't a reason to request a breath test

FOJN · 02/03/2023 22:29

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:21

OK reading some of these messages I'm ready to blow my top.

Comments like "the state of the police now" what the actual??

My DH is a Policeman. He goes out in all weathers, has days off cancelled, works 12 to sometimes 15 hour days, Xmas day, NYE.

Some shifts he doesn't have time to eat. He's gone into work injured. He's being attacked and spat on. Knifed.

He sacrifices lots for his job because he is proud to do it and he is the kindest and caring man.

All to protect and help people. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

The police are the first ones to help and the last to be thanked. He patrols mainly alone because they're that under funded.

All you hear about is the NHS being underfunded. Nothing about them.

You get bad eggs in every profession. I work in a hospital and worked with a HCA who was arrested for assaulting vulnerable female patients.

Look at the ones who are filmed in nursing homes being cruel to elderly people.

The thread isn't about your husband, it's about women's loss of trust in the police generally because of the awful behaviour they seem to tolerate in their ranks.

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:29

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:21

OK reading some of these messages I'm ready to blow my top.

Comments like "the state of the police now" what the actual??

My DH is a Policeman. He goes out in all weathers, has days off cancelled, works 12 to sometimes 15 hour days, Xmas day, NYE.

Some shifts he doesn't have time to eat. He's gone into work injured. He's being attacked and spat on. Knifed.

He sacrifices lots for his job because he is proud to do it and he is the kindest and caring man.

All to protect and help people. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

The police are the first ones to help and the last to be thanked. He patrols mainly alone because they're that under funded.

All you hear about is the NHS being underfunded. Nothing about them.

You get bad eggs in every profession. I work in a hospital and worked with a HCA who was arrested for assaulting vulnerable female patients.

Look at the ones who are filmed in nursing homes being cruel to elderly people.

Here here, my DH is a special so goes out all weathers, through the night for free. He has to deal with some terrible things, he’s so empathetic to the awful situations many find themselves in, has to deal with some right idiots, people attacking him- knobs just standing round filming.

i was left with PTSD by poor birth care, maybe we should all demand 2 midwife’s throughout birth whilst giving birth, 2 doctors (both female) and refuse to cooperate with them- they’re all bastards. 🤦‍♀️

Moonicorn · 02/03/2023 22:29

YANBU

Suzi888 · 02/03/2023 22:29

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:21

OK reading some of these messages I'm ready to blow my top.

Comments like "the state of the police now" what the actual??

My DH is a Policeman. He goes out in all weathers, has days off cancelled, works 12 to sometimes 15 hour days, Xmas day, NYE.

Some shifts he doesn't have time to eat. He's gone into work injured. He's being attacked and spat on. Knifed.

He sacrifices lots for his job because he is proud to do it and he is the kindest and caring man.

All to protect and help people. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

The police are the first ones to help and the last to be thanked. He patrols mainly alone because they're that under funded.

All you hear about is the NHS being underfunded. Nothing about them.

You get bad eggs in every profession. I work in a hospital and worked with a HCA who was arrested for assaulting vulnerable female patients.

Look at the ones who are filmed in nursing homes being cruel to elderly people.

Then your husband would understand why a lone woman would not want to get out of the vehicle.

Have you been keeping up with the news lately?

You aren’t obliged to exit the vehicle, you can drive to a police station to be tested.

SpyouttheLand · 02/03/2023 22:30

Novatherova · 02/03/2023 22:21

OK reading some of these messages I'm ready to blow my top.

Comments like "the state of the police now" what the actual??

My DH is a Policeman. He goes out in all weathers, has days off cancelled, works 12 to sometimes 15 hour days, Xmas day, NYE.

Some shifts he doesn't have time to eat. He's gone into work injured. He's being attacked and spat on. Knifed.

He sacrifices lots for his job because he is proud to do it and he is the kindest and caring man.

All to protect and help people. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

The police are the first ones to help and the last to be thanked. He patrols mainly alone because they're that under funded.

All you hear about is the NHS being underfunded. Nothing about them.

You get bad eggs in every profession. I work in a hospital and worked with a HCA who was arrested for assaulting vulnerable female patients.

Look at the ones who are filmed in nursing homes being cruel to elderly people.

I'm sure he's wonderful, but the police forces themselves have said it's not just a few bad eggs and pretending it is (as they had previously done for years) helps no one, including the good officers.

In schools we had to change the "it could never happen here" attitude to safeguarding children, because it can and does happen anywhere. Police officers need to do the same regarding abuse because it can and does happen among their collleagues and the only way to stop it and restore public confidence is if they see it and report it rather than pretending it's not happening when it is.

800 offucers currently under investigation in London alone. It's not a small isolated problem, it really isn't..

Rosscameasdoody · 02/03/2023 22:30

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 02/03/2023 22:22

Is this an attempt at a gotcha?

It doesn't really work. Women are fucked, we know that. The police are deeply institutionally misogynist and yet without them we'd be in even more danger from all the other violent misogynists.

Show quote history

No. Not a gotcha. Just trying to point out that you can’t pick and choose based on whether it suits you or not.

Vlunken · 02/03/2023 22:30

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 22:29

Here here, my DH is a special so goes out all weathers, through the night for free. He has to deal with some terrible things, he’s so empathetic to the awful situations many find themselves in, has to deal with some right idiots, people attacking him- knobs just standing round filming.

i was left with PTSD by poor birth care, maybe we should all demand 2 midwife’s throughout birth whilst giving birth, 2 doctors (both female) and refuse to cooperate with them- they’re all bastards. 🤦‍♀️

Show quote history

I think policemen are often twats. It's the culture. Sorry.

CarrieBsWardrobe · 02/03/2023 22:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

DixonD · 02/03/2023 22:32

YABU. If just one, I could see your point.