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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
Greenfairydust · 02/03/2023 19:43

Good for you.

You did the right thing by saying you would go to the station but not get out of the car.

The recent media coverage and instances of officers assaulting/killing women means that you cannot be too careful.

Being in an isolated spot with no witness is enough to give concerns.

I would have though the police had better things to do than bothering women like this...a quick chat should have been enough for them to realise you were not drunk/disorderly.

Also they could have passed you the test through the window. Because of that I would contact your local station to report this and check that they were legit.

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 19:45

ancientgran · 02/03/2023 19:40

Plain clothes officers don't go round with batons. Your mother was very irresponsible leaving a child in a car parked on double yellows.

Show quote history

I’d also point out that plain clothed officers are also “ actual
policemen” I’m not really buying that story tbh!

Btjdkfnn · 02/03/2023 19:45

They should have passed the breathalyser through the window imo.

Outrageous that they phoned you afterwards, given that you had offered to drive to the station.

I was once stopped by the police. There was a police vehicle behind me that kept indicating left. Had no idea it wanted to pull me over as it was behind me. Not flashing blue lights or headlights or any kind of gesticulation. Anyway, cops called colleagues and set up a road block ahead especially for me. I was bloody shaking. They pulled me over for no reason whatsoever - said that "stolen cars are driven on this road". This was 20-25 years ago. It was evening time. Weird.

I do think it is terrible, the damage that the likes of WC have caused to the police. The police ought to have authority and we ought to obey them. But it just isn't like that. They have murderers, rapists and bullies in uniform. Meaning that decent policemen aren't able to do their jobs properly.

Lemonyfuckit · 02/03/2023 19:49

I think what you did was right. I don't know whether I'd have had the foresight or balls or presence of mind to calmly and politely say the same if I were in that situation but equally would have had exactly the same mistrust and discomfort as you. I'm very relieved to hear they didn't push the point in that case but absolutely agree with others that you shouldn't have had that phone call berating you - I would certainly complain to the chief constable about that.

Playingchesswithpigeons · 02/03/2023 19:52

Yes.

MyopicBunny · 02/03/2023 19:53

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

YANBU - you don't have to pull over if you're a lone woman until you feel safe to do so.

Serrassi · 02/03/2023 19:53

Yanbu

MiniFig · 02/03/2023 19:54

TBH 2 policemen in uniform, squad car, I’d have made sure their body cams were on, asked them to radio control then just complied.

how do you know they're on? recording? transmitting? uploading to the cloud?

no. The police have to earn trust back, IMO. Some of my friends are police, men and women, and i have told all of them that individually i like and trust them. As a whole? i don't trust the police forces. And i have lost one friend because of this, but frankly? I knew him in the army and he's the kind of absolute fucker who would have been friends and in whatsapp groups with Couzens, so not much loss to me.

I'm sure there are posters on MN who are police officers, married to police officers, related to police officers. and I'm sure that most of those police are perfectly lovely. Individually. But the police have a problem and i don't see them trying to solve it with any sense of urgency.

MyopicBunny · 02/03/2023 19:55

I got stopped and breathalised once, and the policeman locked me in his car until I'd taken the test, which in hindsight was very wrong. He let me go right away but it really wasn't on because it was just me and him at 2am and a deserted road.

Serrassi · 02/03/2023 19:55

MiniFig · 02/03/2023 19:54

TBH 2 policemen in uniform, squad car, I’d have made sure their body cams were on, asked them to radio control then just complied.

how do you know they're on? recording? transmitting? uploading to the cloud?

no. The police have to earn trust back, IMO. Some of my friends are police, men and women, and i have told all of them that individually i like and trust them. As a whole? i don't trust the police forces. And i have lost one friend because of this, but frankly? I knew him in the army and he's the kind of absolute fucker who would have been friends and in whatsapp groups with Couzens, so not much loss to me.

I'm sure there are posters on MN who are police officers, married to police officers, related to police officers. and I'm sure that most of those police are perfectly lovely. Individually. But the police have a problem and i don't see them trying to solve it with any sense of urgency.

Totally agree. There’s no point asking if the body camera is on or if the radio is on, if he’s a rapist murderer he’s gonna lie and possibly have a mate to lie for him eh.

Bottom line is we need a female only police force.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 02/03/2023 19:55

How is it so difficult for so many to grasp that 'offering to drive to the station' is utterly pointless when the police have good reason to suspect you are driving while intoxicated?

It isn't going to happen, and it'll rightfully be totally disregarded so it's utterly pointless to suggest it.

"I am willing to come with you to the station to provide a sample" is fine, that's what the law provides for you to do, but that is going to be in the police vehicle, which requires you to leave your own vehicle in any case.

MiniFig · 02/03/2023 19:58

"I am willing to come with you to the station to provide a sample" is fine, that's what the law provides for you to do, but that is going to be in the police vehicle, which requires you to leave your own vehicle in any case.

then they are going to have to drag me out by my hair. And i will be recording it. it is up to the police to find solutions. Not lone women in cars in the middle of the night.

i have no issues going through a checkpoint that is clearly set up to check for drunk driving, or stolen cars or fugatives. I will not be getting out of my car. I've been brethalysed in the run up to christmas on spot checks, through the window, no issue.

MrsMiddleMother · 02/03/2023 20:01

In light of recent events you absolutely did the right thing

MyopicBunny · 02/03/2023 20:01

it is up to the police to find solutions. Not lone women in cars in the middle of the night.

Yes! 👏👏👏👏

MerryGrinchmas22 · 02/03/2023 20:02

A bit OTT in my view but I can only base that on how I would have felt. In a marked car, with uniform on I’d have complied, not like it was a lone male walking the streets in uniform. It’s an offence to not provide a specimen of breath at the roadside when asked so presume that’s the reason for the follow up call, although if they’d let you go I’d wonder why they bothered with the phone call to be honest. They were clearly satisfied to let you go.

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 02/03/2023 20:03

It's not just the WC of this world though, there are too many police men and women who seem to have lost respect for all human beings. The other week I actually told one off for his appalling attitude towards a homeless man sat on the high street. He wasn't bothering anyone but he was spoken to like dirt. He had just spent the night in the freezing cold, clearly at a very low point and there was no compassion just a verbal assault. No way would the police tolerate being spoken to in the same way. A few years ago, my DH and I had a stressful encounter in the street with another man and the police came to our house at an unearthly hour to question us about the incident. They were awful and we had to remind them that we had voluntarily let them into our home to answer their questions.

As a white, middle class (with strong working class roots) and middle aged woman I can assure you that the police can be hostile to the white middle classes as well.

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 02/03/2023 20:04

Absolutely the right thing to do.

Good for you. Really brilliant thinking and holding your nerve. The police can be very intimidating and use mind games in my experience.

As has already been expressed, it is up to the police to win back women's trust. Maybe their male officers should be chaperoned.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 20:05

Blimey so many replies! Didn’t mean to keep anyone dangling, had to pick up DC from nursery, do dinner, bath, bed etc.

They didn’t push the breathalyser after I explained my reasoning for not exiting the vehicle -I guess I was articulate enough in my reply for them to be assured that I wasn’t intoxicated, so they just sort of rolled their eyes a bit and asked me some more questions. Had they suggested passing it through the window I wouldn’t have had an issue with doing it in my car. Plus, it was just a very short swerve round the pothole and all they’d have had to do was drive 50 yards or so down the road and seen it for themselves. But they weren’t rude to me and I wasn’t rude to them.

The phonecall today felt mostly patronising to be honest, basically repeating what a few PPs have said about how refusing to take a breathalyser could have resulted in my being arrested, they were just trying to do their jobs etc etc- at this point I did get a bit shirty and said my main concern was for my own safety and I wasn’t going to compromise that to make anyone else’s life a bit easier.

OP posts:
sealon82 · 02/03/2023 20:06

I'm actually baffled that so many people seem to think we should all just blindly follow the rules of the police.
I'd also prefer to live in the a nice little world that hasn't shown me time and time again that our police service is riddled with misogynists/rapists/homophobia/racists and a system that has either encouraged or ignored it for years.
Women who don't want to get out of there car in the middle of nowhere are not trying to be difficult for the sake of it!

MysteryBelle · 02/03/2023 20:06

I would normally say you should have done what the police officers told you. But, given the context, middle of the night, no one else around, two big men….I do trust the police generally but as with any group there are some who are not good people. So if your instincts were telling you to not get out of the car, then I think you were right and also, you were polite and calm. The two policemen may have been great people, but you felt unsure, and I’m one for trusting my instincts.

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/03/2023 20:07

ReliantRobyn · 02/03/2023 17:06

Yes.

How was she BU?

The way the police have behaved towards women lately, there's no way I would have trusted them either.

Rainallnight · 02/03/2023 20:07

Wow, the (near) unanimity on this thread is amazing. I’ve been feeling the same about the police but I take an interest in police stuff generally. The police are really in trouble if everyone feels the same.

Rainallnight · 02/03/2023 20:08

MNHQ should do a campaign - earn our trust back.

ancientgran · 02/03/2023 20:08

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 19:45

I’d also point out that plain clothed officers are also “ actual
policemen” I’m not really buying that story tbh!

Show quote history

Very true.

Theluggage15 · 02/03/2023 20:14

You did absolutely right. Bloody well done. If the police want to breathalyse you they can manage that without needing you to get out of your car. Can’t believe anyone blindly trusts the police anymore.

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