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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
BritishDesiGirl · 02/03/2023 18:47

Well Done, OP.

I would have done the same. I truly believe that the believe no longer deserve to be trusted.

JackiePlace · 02/03/2023 18:47

Anything that keeps the world that bit safer is fine with me,
@Mainlinethehappy you are contradicting youself. Recent events have sadly proven that women are safer if they DON'T do as police officers tell them.

Mainlinethehappy · 02/03/2023 18:48

lieselotte · 02/03/2023 18:41

I wouldn't mind in the slightest having my bags searched if security thought I had shoplifted, being searched at an airport if security thought I was a drugs mule, or being asked to breathalyse if police thought I might be over the limit

I would kick up a fuss about having my bags searched as well! Not for the same reason, but because I don't like being accused of things I've not done.

This is baffling to me. Surely you know that they will get it wrong sometimes? Small price to pay for them occasionally getting it right and catching shoplifters.

FOJN · 02/03/2023 18:48

RedHelenB · 02/03/2023 18:39

You would nt be saying that if OP had gone on to kill someone because they gaunt breathalysed her and she was drunk.

Show quote history

They let her drive away. She suggested a solution which they chose not to follow and they did not make an alternative suggestion of their own. At no point did the OP refuse to take a breathalyser, she simply refused to get out of her car. If they were genuinely concerned she was a danger to other road users they could and should have breathalysed her in her car so I'm going to assume they weren't.

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 02/03/2023 18:48

@Survey99 did she? Are you about that. She didn't refuse to give a breath test. She offered to go to the police station. There's no formal legal requirement to get out of her vehicle, in the U.K. at least. If they wanted to breathalyse her, she can stay in her stopped, engine off, vehicle.

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 02/03/2023 18:49

Kedece2410 · 02/03/2023 18:12

If in that situation you can if you want call 101 to verify their details and confirm they're on duty. You can also ask them to contact the control room on their radio to confirm they are genuine & on duty

I've been asked on a couple of occasions been asked to verify details via the radio. The officer has given the person their name & callsign. I've then confirmed their details on the radio & said where they were showing as being on my mapping system which the member of the public then confirmed

No officer should object to that being checked. They wouldn't allow someone they suspected of possible drink driving to continue driving but they could certainly ask for another crew to meet them or request a female officer.

Also anything said via the radio or the phone to the control room is recorded & can't be lost or tampered with or deleted

The last time I was on the non urgent police number I waited quite some time before anyone picked up.

orchid220 · 02/03/2023 18:49

Tabitha1960 · 02/03/2023 18:42

You can no longer "ring a police station". They removed all the individual phone numbers from public use.

Show quote history

If you phone 101 you get put through to the local police station.

FlamingMadKatie · 02/03/2023 18:49

Thank you for setting an example and starting this thread. I too will be asking my daughter to respond the same way, should she be stopped. Very sad that we should think and behave in this way, but I would not feel safe in this situation but history shows it’s well justified.

I wish we also had a “like” button.

LadyLolaRuben · 02/03/2023 18:50

You were right OP.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 02/03/2023 18:50

JackiePlace · 02/03/2023 18:47

Anything that keeps the world that bit safer is fine with me,
@Mainlinethehappy you are contradicting youself. Recent events have sadly proven that women are safer if they DON'T do as police officers tell them.

Confirmation bias.

You are selecting a few, isolated examples where interactions with police have led to negative consequences, and totally ignoring the fact that there will be countless others every single day that have satisfactory outcomes.

It's ACAB thinking of the most egregious sort.

Mainlinethehappy · 02/03/2023 18:51

JackiePlace · 02/03/2023 18:47

Anything that keeps the world that bit safer is fine with me,
@Mainlinethehappy you are contradicting youself. Recent events have sadly proven that women are safer if they DON'T do as police officers tell them.

What? 100% of all recent police stops of women has resulted in a threat to their safety?
Or have there just beed a handful of instances, perhaps, suggesting that the overwhelming probability is that a woman is safe in such an event?

twitterexile · 02/03/2023 18:51

Bunsandtophats · 02/03/2023 18:00

Wow so what we have is a police who essentially don't have the power to police its citizens. What a society we live in. I personally think you absolutely should have done as asked. How utterly disrepectful imo.

A situation completely of the police forces's making.

Daysoffarethebest · 02/03/2023 18:52

DashboardConfessional · 02/03/2023 18:46

GPs aren't the same thing. The police are in a unique position in that the tradeoff for going about your business in society is that you feel obliged to do as the police tells you. They know this. And nobody sees their GP on a country road at 2am.

My point about the GP was more to do with the sweeping generalizations always used about police, when there are very rarely the same all inclusive prejudices about medical or any other professions.
There are doctors/nurses responsible for deaths /crimes etc but nobody ever includes the thousands of individuals in that service as they do for individuals in “The Police”, as if the thousands of officers are all one homogenous group.

Cocobutt · 02/03/2023 18:52

YANBU

You did the right thing.

I would have done the exact same thing.
Or did the breathalyser whilst in the car.
Or rang the police station and checked their badge numbers.

I wouldn’t have gotten out of my car.

My friend was arrested (a he) and was thrown roughly into a back of a police van.
He rang the police station from inside the van and a senior police officer turned up and let him out because the officers had acted inappropriately and he had done nothing wrong.
I always think what would have happened if he didn’t have his phone on him or think to ring the other police.

I actually don’t have an issue with the police force but there are individuals who cannot be trusted.

Walkingtheplank · 02/03/2023 18:52

You did the right thing OP. Well done for have the sense of mind to do that.

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 02/03/2023 18:52

@Milamight it's not ridiculous behaviour at all!! How rude - and ignorant frankly, do you read the news? It's very sensible and protecting herself.

There will be more Wayne Couzens types that just haven't been caught yet. The police need to realise times have changed - we dont automatically trust them now just because they have a badge.

whynotwhatknot · 02/03/2023 18:53

i would have done the same thing-and id complain about the police telling you off about it

HollyFern1110 · 02/03/2023 18:53

You were right to respond in this way in my humble opinion.

I completely understand why they wanted a breathalyser sample there & then but there is no reason this couldn't be passed through a partially open window.

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 18:54

Good for you, you were brave ☺️

Mainlinethehappy · 02/03/2023 18:55

FlamingMadKatie · 02/03/2023 18:49

Thank you for setting an example and starting this thread. I too will be asking my daughter to respond the same way, should she be stopped. Very sad that we should think and behave in this way, but I would not feel safe in this situation but history shows it’s well justified.

I wish we also had a “like” button.

"History shows it's well justified"?
You have records of every single police stop of every single woman? And you have analysed the data of these hundreds of thousands of police stops and extracted data that demonstrates that, in all probability, we are at risk being stopped by the police?
Or do you know of a couple of psychopaths who ended up on the force, did unthinkable things, and were splashed all over the media? And you now think that all police behave like this?
Do you think every tradesperson is a cowboy? Every car mechanic is out to scam us?

Honoraryuce · 02/03/2023 18:56

YANBU. No way would I be getting out of car in that situation.

2chocolateoranges · 02/03/2023 18:57

I would have done the same and have told my 19 and 21 yr old to do the same . After all the bad press on police there is no way I’d be getting out the car for them. Definitely drive to the police station and deal with things then.

Milamight · 02/03/2023 18:57

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 02/03/2023 18:52

@Milamight it's not ridiculous behaviour at all!! How rude - and ignorant frankly, do you read the news? It's very sensible and protecting herself.

There will be more Wayne Couzens types that just haven't been caught yet. The police need to realise times have changed - we dont automatically trust them now just because they have a badge.

Behave yourself.

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 18:57

Mainlinethehappy · 02/03/2023 18:55

"History shows it's well justified"?
You have records of every single police stop of every single woman? And you have analysed the data of these hundreds of thousands of police stops and extracted data that demonstrates that, in all probability, we are at risk being stopped by the police?
Or do you know of a couple of psychopaths who ended up on the force, did unthinkable things, and were splashed all over the media? And you now think that all police behave like this?
Do you think every tradesperson is a cowboy? Every car mechanic is out to scam us?

Show quote history

I don’t see where that poster is saying ‘every’ police officer is like that but it only takes one.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 02/03/2023 18:57

Mainlinethehappy · 02/03/2023 18:46

"they had been some distance in front of me at the time"
And probably without their map of district pot-holes to hand.
Can we stop police-bashing?

Show quote history

“Police bashing”?

FFS, the police have proven again and again that they are institutionally racist, institutionally sexist, riddled with violent misogynists far above the the national average.

No women did this to the police reputation, they did it to themselves. Again and again they hushed up, whitewashed and plain disregarded complaints from women, minorities and whistleblowers.

As a result of this, some women are rightly wary of male officers approaching them when they are alone and potentially vulnerable.