To be thrilled to have an only child?

[iamloading]

Ok so probably just getting this off my chest after reading yet another post saying "I feel sorry for only children." Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don't get the strange obsession on here that only children are to be pitied in some way.
We have one child by choice, and it is the right decision for us as a family. That's not a decision that's right for every family, and obviously there are huge potential benefits from sibling relationships.
However there are also massive benefits of being an only, and both my husband and I are also onlys so we know this from experience.
We are able to save an amount each month for DC, have far more financial freedom (we both work part time for instance,) have a lovely stress free life. We also moved to a house on a new build estate very near the school so every weekend it's a non stop procession of kids knocking on asking to play with our DC. In fact we are all ready for a break from all the friends at points!
I've never been asked in real life if I'm having another, nor has any pity for my DC ever been expressed. So it just seems to be an issue on here.
So AIBU to just not get the "pity." And ps if you are one child not by choice due to any reason then PLEASE don't feel guilty as in my opinion there is nothing at all to feel guilty for xx

What’s the smugly thing about? Don’t you think a home with 2 children can be just as equally relaxed and calm? I mean how would you know? How weird. 😂

This is why me and DP are having another, both only children and DD would have no other family

Obviously lots of pros and cons. The cons I found found with some ‘onlys’ is academic expectations so that is something you can control.
The greater cons I think are later in life. When a parent dies or gets dementia or when both parents die. The loneliness, decisions and responsibilities can’t be talked through and shared. And there’s no one to share memories with. Again, that’s something that you as parents can control a bit later on - even if it’s planning funerals and making sure financial arrangements are clear. Clearing a very cluttered house out can be heart breaking and expensive.

It's not always a choice is it. As people have said on here.
My pregnancy turned out to be twins, what would you have done then!

all the people happy with an only are the ones who have really sociable children/plenty of cousins or both.

My dd is autistic and very lonely she would have loved a sibling but it wasn't to be. She struggles majorly with friends and we don't have younger children her age in the family.

That's not the case for all only children mine included.

Me too

Lucky you

What if your child really struggles to make friends ???

It's often not a choice to have one due to secondary infertility, financial stress, relationship issues or mental health. For those saying it's selfish to have one they can honestly get stuffed. Having one child is such a blessing and there are lots of positives which its important to celebrate and be grateful for.

I think single child families imagine riots when there’s more than one.

Its bliss. On holiday I watch single child families looking utterly bored or dragging a parent constantly in to the pool or for a game of table tennis.

meanwhile mine have each other. 6 hours a day in the pool. I’ve never got through so many books in such a short space of time! Bliss!

@lollipoprainbow if a child struggles to make friends then I doubt they'd be too keen on having siblings either 😂 you can't force siblings to be friends.

Well, people making assumptions about only children can be annoying. It’s a bit like child-free women being looked up and down and asked about potential sprogs.

Biologically it would have been a risk (before improvements in child and adult mortality) to have just one. Hence the heir and the spare.

Socially speaking, with siblings, people have horizontal connections that could help as the older generation passes away.

In today’s world people have kids for their own fulfilment, so have as many or as few as you like!

Good luck to you OP, your son seems to be a happy and secure child.

@lollipoprainbow bless you, that was such a cute question!

I’m an only and from where I’m standing the bond my two sons have looks absolutely magical

Yes this. THEY ENTERTAIN EACH OTHER.

Also, this is a bit of a nasty thread now isn't it?

Or you could think of it that having siblings helps you learn how to get along with other children and develop the skills for making friends at school.

It’s like anything isn’t it. One person’s ideal is someone else’s nightmare. We have two close in age and they are friends (mostly) so we generally find it’s great and I wouldn’t change things now. I’d have happily had a 3rd/4th a few years back but wasn’t desperate to and it didn’t work out. When we are having a lovely family day I might feel a bit wistful we didn’t have more. Occasionally when they are both in a strop and I’m knackered I think it would be nice to have none as life is definitely more full on with kids. Sometimes I think logistics would be easier with one but it’s hardly unmanageable with two and friends with 3 also find it’s manageable. I don’t get why people are so stressed about what others are doing. If you are happy you are doing it right.

The problem is parents of only children justify it by being negative towards households with 2 plus children and vice versa. Everyone just makes massive sweeping judgements.

People need to just stop questioning others. I am an only and it still annoys me when people ask if I wish I had a sibling, well yes I do but there's nothing I can do about it so I'd rather not dwell on it.

I also have 4DC which I love and it is not the utter chaos people like to imagine that it is. Yes there's arguments but there's also lots of laughter and playing with one another.

Good to know

I will be honest and say the only children and adults I know are quite serious/intense/mature beyond their years. Not a bad thing, but it’s like they missed out on developing a silly/fun side by having others kids at home to be silly with, or they matured very quickly by spending most of their time with adults. On the upside they’re quite sensible and studious.

Thanks for this ]

@Kpo58 True!

I always wanted 3. But unfortunately could only have one. My genetics mean that having a baby that is likely to survive more than a few days is highly unlikely and we only discovered this during our first scan.

So my "poor only child" is actually a happy and sociable miracle.

And for that, I'm content x

Good for you. Glad you’re happy with your choice. It clearly works for you and that’s great. DH was an only child and has always wanted a sibling. Even now, when he sees how close me and DB are, he still feels that he would have loved to have a brother or sister. When we started our family, we both agreed on two - me because I know how wonderful having a sibling is, and him because he didn’t want his child to be an only child like him. Everyone has their reasons for the number of children they have. It’s whatever works for you and your family.

@Cornelious2011 I get out plenty, as I’ve said I’m only speaking about the only children I know personally and I stated twice that it didn’t go for every only child. Parenting will play a large factor into the way those children turned out but as with everything in life you base your opinions on your own experiences. Perhaps you should work on your own comprehension.