Page 10 | To be thrilled to have an only child?

iamloading · 2023-03-02T12:36:26+00:00

Ok so probably just getting this off my chest after reading yet another post saying "I feel sorry for only children." Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don't get the strange obsession on here that only children are to be pitied in some way. We have one child by choice, and it is the right decision for us as a family. That's not a decision that's right for every family, and obviously there are huge potential benefits from sibling relationships. However there are also massive benefits of being an only, and both my husband and I are also onlys so we know this from experience. We are able to save an amount each month for DC, have far more financial freedom (we both work part time for instance,) have a lovely stress free life. We also moved to a house on a new build estate very near the school so every weekend it's a non stop procession of kids knocking on asking to play with our DC. In fact we are all ready for a break from all the friends at points! I've never been asked in real life if I'm having another, nor has any pity for my DC ever been expressed. So it just seems to be an issue on here. So AIBU to just not get the "pity." And ps if you are one child not by choice due to any reason then PLEASE don't feel guilty as in my opinion there is nothing at all to feel guilty for xx

Bamboux · 03/03/2023 13:57

mastertomsmum · 03/03/2023 13:38

Speaking as one who had just one much older sibling, I loved the big gap. We always got on. My husband is one of 4 with the eldest being only 5.5 years older than the youngest. He’s in no doubt that that my experience of childhood sibling interaction was more positive than his. It can work for some relationships but definitely didn’t for theirs.

I'm one of three all born within four years of each other, and I agree with your husband. I left a gap of more than three years between my kids for that reason. (Think I was also lucky that they were different sexes - I am one of three girls. It was and is a nightmare.)

Hillarious · 03/03/2023 14:49

We had DC1 for the grandparents, DC2 to keep DC1 company and DC3 was for me and DH. Not really - DC2 and DC3 just arrived unannounced, with no forethought and all within three and a half years. No amount of additional finance in the household would make up for the unconditional friendship, love and support they give each other (all now in their early 20s), but no-one really cares about this except for me and DH (and the grandparents), so I'll keep my pity for the OP for what she's missing out on to myself.

BelindaBears · 03/03/2023 14:54

so I'll keep my pity for the OP for what she's missing out on to myself….by posting it on her thread.

Dense, or just smug?

labamba007 · 03/03/2023 15:10

BHRK · 02/03/2023 15:03

I couldn’t care less how many children people have, it’s a personal decision.
however I’m taking offence to all the people on here saying how awful and chaotic it is with 2/3 kids! We have 3 and absolutely love it. Just as you love your 1, I love my 3

This! I'm sticking with one. But we can't keep making out that our option is better. Have 10, have 1. Go anywhere in between. It doesn't matter and it's no one else's business, and if someone makes you feel crap for your choice ignore them. They aren't you.

LarryandLeon · 03/03/2023 15:13

Hillarious · 03/03/2023 14:49

We had DC1 for the grandparents, DC2 to keep DC1 company and DC3 was for me and DH. Not really - DC2 and DC3 just arrived unannounced, with no forethought and all within three and a half years. No amount of additional finance in the household would make up for the unconditional friendship, love and support they give each other (all now in their early 20s), but no-one really cares about this except for me and DH (and the grandparents), so I'll keep my pity for the OP for what she's missing out on to myself.

WTF???!!!

Bamboux · 03/03/2023 18:30

Hillarious · 03/03/2023 14:49

We had DC1 for the grandparents, DC2 to keep DC1 company and DC3 was for me and DH. Not really - DC2 and DC3 just arrived unannounced, with no forethought and all within three and a half years. No amount of additional finance in the household would make up for the unconditional friendship, love and support they give each other (all now in their early 20s), but no-one really cares about this except for me and DH (and the grandparents), so I'll keep my pity for the OP for what she's missing out on to myself.

Can i return my siblings and have the money instead please?

LarryandLeon · 03/03/2023 18:51

Bamboux · 03/03/2023 18:30

Can i return my siblings and have the money instead please?

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🤣

Hillarious · 06/03/2023 10:05

Bamboux · 03/03/2023 18:30

Can i return my siblings and have the money instead please?

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Of course you don't mean that!

Bamboux · 06/03/2023 10:25

Hillarious · 06/03/2023 10:05

Of course you don't mean that!

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I'm sorry, I don't understand what on earth makes you think you know better than I do about my own life?

Hillarious · 06/03/2023 10:43

Bamboux · 06/03/2023 10:25

I'm sorry, I don't understand what on earth makes you think you know better than I do about my own life?

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You're quite right, and I apologise. I'm really sorry for assuming you may have anything other than a positive relationship with your siblings. But, I do wish you all the very best in your continued relationship with them, on whatever level that may be.

Emptycrackedcup · 06/03/2023 10:44

Mumsnet is the only place I've ever seen comments about it!

UWhatNow · 06/03/2023 10:52

daffodilday · 02/03/2023 16:21

It makes me chuckle when someone mentions my DC lack of siblings. I’m tempted to ask if they still feel sad for her knowing she just got back from a surfing holiday in Bali because we can afford such holidays due to her being an only .

That’s your perspective as a parent though.

We could only afford shitty out-of-season caravan holidays when our 3 were little but they still reminisce about the dances they made up, the time they raced each other on the beach in a rain storm, the time dad dropped his chips in McDonalds, the bits they bought with pocket money from the gift shop and the naff giant pen they are still fuming about because they weren’t allowed to buy it, and when Sam needed a poo on the beach and dad was mad because we’d just walked past the toilet block 10 minutes earlier etc.

They never talk about the later holidays abroad or activities we paid for such as scuba diving.

Laughing about the minutiae between siblings is what they remember.

Bamboux · 06/03/2023 11:50

Hillarious · 06/03/2023 10:43

You're quite right, and I apologise. I'm really sorry for assuming you may have anything other than a positive relationship with your siblings. But, I do wish you all the very best in your continued relationship with them, on whatever level that may be.

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I don't have a continued relationship with them. I dread my parents dying because I'll have to deal with my siblings. After that I hope to never encounter them ever again. I wish I was an only child.

Thanks for the apology. Your comment was really out of line.

wideclosedspaces · 06/03/2023 12:09

UWhatNow · 06/03/2023 10:52

That’s your perspective as a parent though.

We could only afford shitty out-of-season caravan holidays when our 3 were little but they still reminisce about the dances they made up, the time they raced each other on the beach in a rain storm, the time dad dropped his chips in McDonalds, the bits they bought with pocket money from the gift shop and the naff giant pen they are still fuming about because they weren’t allowed to buy it, and when Sam needed a poo on the beach and dad was mad because we’d just walked past the toilet block 10 minutes earlier etc.

They never talk about the later holidays abroad or activities we paid for such as scuba diving.

Laughing about the minutiae between siblings is what they remember.

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This! Our holiday when I was a child was the same every year; one week in a caravan at Barmouth and I bloody loved it! Happy days!

Mary46 · 06/03/2023 12:12

I have two. I see my sister with 3 its alot work!! 2 was my limit. Whatever works for you I think.

DoubleChocolateBrownies · 06/03/2023 12:31

I’m an only and have had so many disparaging comments about it, eg “only children are weirdos” – it’s actually shocking how many people think that’s an OK thing to say to someone!

I didn’t hang out with other kids much outside school and mostly spent time with adults, but it did mean I was very mature. I didn’t mind being an only but maybe that’s cos I had lots of other stuff to be bothered about.

I haven’t made my mind up yet about whether to have another DC after a traumatic birth. I quite like the idea but I don’t want to go through the same medical problems. Also with nursery fees there’d have to be a proper gap. I already know my DD will have a very different childhood from mine though, ie stable with two loving dedicated parents, and that’s the most important thing to me.

Dumbo18 · 06/03/2023 12:35

We have 2 and I’m absolutely thrilled, overjoyed actually. We also have a stress free life, save for the kids, they play together, have family who help out…. It’s wonderful (that’s how you sound, smug) so you enjoy having one child, great. Bit of a pointless thread though I’d say. And in all honestly I do enjoy having 2 and have no regrets

GotABeatForYouMama · 06/03/2023 16:50

UWhatNow · 06/03/2023 10:52

That’s your perspective as a parent though.

We could only afford shitty out-of-season caravan holidays when our 3 were little but they still reminisce about the dances they made up, the time they raced each other on the beach in a rain storm, the time dad dropped his chips in McDonalds, the bits they bought with pocket money from the gift shop and the naff giant pen they are still fuming about because they weren’t allowed to buy it, and when Sam needed a poo on the beach and dad was mad because we’d just walked past the toilet block 10 minutes earlier etc.

They never talk about the later holidays abroad or activities we paid for such as scuba diving.

Laughing about the minutiae between siblings is what they remember.

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I hated the caravan holidays we had when I was a kid. I used to spend a lot of time on my own as it was the only way I could escape the bullying from my elder sibling.

Oarty · 06/03/2023 17:02

DoubleChocolateBrownies · 06/03/2023 12:31

I’m an only and have had so many disparaging comments about it, eg “only children are weirdos” – it’s actually shocking how many people think that’s an OK thing to say to someone!

I didn’t hang out with other kids much outside school and mostly spent time with adults, but it did mean I was very mature. I didn’t mind being an only but maybe that’s cos I had lots of other stuff to be bothered about.

I haven’t made my mind up yet about whether to have another DC after a traumatic birth. I quite like the idea but I don’t want to go through the same medical problems. Also with nursery fees there’d have to be a proper gap. I already know my DD will have a very different childhood from mine though, ie stable with two loving dedicated parents, and that’s the most important thing to me.

I'm a only and can relate to the disgusting comments. If I was having a bad day as a child . It's cos an only child - and 'unusual' interests - it's cos I'm an only child. Obviously bollox, tbh.

Realistically, if by 'weirdos' they mean socially awkward and not fitting in - and I've been thinking about this today before you posted actually - if they mean socially awkward/unpopular as 'weirdos' then from my life experience, the kids who are seen like this are not only children as a category, but sadly children who lack confidence. Children who lack confidence are seen as easy targets for unfair criticism and other children don't want to associate with them as they're more likely to be considered 'liabilities'

chanceofpear · 06/03/2023 19:19

Lots of people comment on other people's family choices. You have 1. I have 5. The commenters are rude whichever.

Oarty · 06/03/2023 19:23

chanceofpear · 06/03/2023 19:19

Lots of people comment on other people's family choices. You have 1. I have 5. The commenters are rude whichever.

I'm an only child - I think both 2 and ( are potentially great numbers - I'm an only - partner is 1 of 5 - we're extremely compatible

ScruffGin · 06/03/2023 19:28

I only have one (she's nearly 5), and don't want any more, for many of the reasons listed above. My only concern is that if something happens to her, and it's a constant worry (not unhealthily though!).
I was an only as well and loved it.

Hopefully it ends up that I've made the right choice...

Hence · 06/03/2023 19:31

I have four so imagine only having one. But, I am not you. TBH I couldn't give a fuck how many children other people have. I think I speak for the majority of people.

Oarty · 06/03/2023 19:34

Sorry meant to say I think 1 and 5 are great numbers for children - basically me and my partner !' Sorry for typos

ellecf21 · 07/03/2023 08:16

Agree, who cares how many kids everyone has. Its irrelevant. I don't think it's a pointless thread at all though, perhaps just titled wrong. I think society/social norms put pressure on to have another baby and there are judgements made on only children where there are none for those with siblings and their parents. I find this thread helpful, I have one DD 8months. We are obsessed and really enjoy being parents to her, but when I think about having another it gives me a lot of anxiety. I always thought I'd have two but I'm not sure I could be the mother I am to her to two children for a few reasons - I think a lot of that is fear of the unknown and worry that I couldn't cope. I do have a history of anxiety though and it almost stopped me having children at all. Thankfully for me, Mother Nature kicked in hard before DD so it wasn't even a thought that we wouldn't and I wonder if this feeling will kick in again? Possibly! Trying to go with the flow, I just don't want to have any regrets later on at not having two. It's really tough if it doesn't feel clear and I'm definitely the only one of my friends considering an only. For extra context I'm 1 of 4. Really close to my younger brother, not so much to the older two who are 20 years older. My DH is one of two brothers and they don't speak/have no relationship so we have lots of different conflicting experiences to go off. Interesting reading others thoughts and perspectives on this.