To be thrilled to have an only child?

[iamloading]

Ok so probably just getting this off my chest after reading yet another post saying "I feel sorry for only children." Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don't get the strange obsession on here that only children are to be pitied in some way.
We have one child by choice, and it is the right decision for us as a family. That's not a decision that's right for every family, and obviously there are huge potential benefits from sibling relationships.
However there are also massive benefits of being an only, and both my husband and I are also onlys so we know this from experience.
We are able to save an amount each month for DC, have far more financial freedom (we both work part time for instance,) have a lovely stress free life. We also moved to a house on a new build estate very near the school so every weekend it's a non stop procession of kids knocking on asking to play with our DC. In fact we are all ready for a break from all the friends at points!
I've never been asked in real life if I'm having another, nor has any pity for my DC ever been expressed. So it just seems to be an issue on here.
So AIBU to just not get the "pity." And ps if you are one child not by choice due to any reason then PLEASE don't feel guilty as in my opinion there is nothing at all to feel guilty for xx

I'm an only, always wanted siblings, even more now as an adult.

Let's say two only children get married and have one child, once they're dead, their child will have zero family. Unless the choice has been take out of your hands, then I think it's very selfish. My parents died young. Thank heavens I have a sister.

I saw that comment OP about feeling sorry for only children. Made my blood boil (and I have a sibling and 2 kids).

I have friends who are only children and they seem absolutely normal! , I have friends who only have one child and everyone seems so happy. They are able to really focus and spend quality time with their child whilst I look back on my kids my growing up as a battle with their as constantly bickering then my husband and I constantly bickering.

To feel sorry for only children is patronising , rude and ignorant. I pity people that have those views as they are ridiculously short sighted views.

That's completely understandable. But your "imaginary" sibling might have been the type that wasn't interested in any of the responsibility of caring for an aging or ill parent. They might have been self-centered or too busy to be much of a comfort to you.

Sometimes the siblings, children, spouses that we conjure up in our imaginations are far superior to what reality might deliver.

I couldn’t care less what people do as long as they’re not abusing or neglecting their children.

I do think it’s a bit bizarre when people use the ‘siblings could end up hating each other anyway’. Well yes possibly, but then the advantages of being an only are just as precarious. You could splash the cash on private school for them to be not very bright, or lazy, or keen to do a low paid job because they really enjoy it. The ‘bags of one on one time’ they get might be viewed in future as having overly intrusive or suffocating parents.

Basically you never know, nothing is guaranteed so just go with your gut.

Do you not have friends? I have sisters but rarely talk to them. Friends I see most days.

We live in an urban area and our only child has friends in walking distance (closes friend just one road over).

I’m an only child and I have an only child, mainly by choice, somewhat by circumstance.

Mid forties now and sometimes wish I’d had a second, but then think of all the benefits of having just one.

Also, I’m a happy only child, I never wanted siblings and don’t miss not having any.

For some reason people are v opinionated and vocal about only children which doesn't happen with 2+ etc. When my eldest was 2 1/2 we moved and my new neighbour introduced himself and said to me "just the one?" (he had 2 little ones, one of each which he delighted in telling me). I thought it was so so rude!

Anway he is now divorced and feel like saying to him when he goes out "table for one?"

I can’t get myself worked up about other peoples choices at all generally especially family planning. Everyone has their reasons for one or more than one. There is still a lot of stigma around only children being spoilt or entitled which I think does put a lot of people off.

The plus points you have stated are great re finance etc but a lot of people can also have that in bigger families. It’s all relative.

I’ve got 2 children so maybe bias but I haven’t ever really heard or some across a reason to have made me only have one. If that’s all nature gave me then fine but it would never have been my choice.

YANBU! Our house is calm and we are all relaxed and comfortably off by just having one 9yo. I hope its becoming more socially acceptable to just have 1 because people have made comments to us in the past, but we smugly ignored them completely

I think this is your insecurity about having just one child. Asking if you only have one kid isn’t really rude. He was just asking, in case you might’ve said “Oh no, my other kid is upstairs/in the bathroom/whatever.”

and so what if he’s telling you he’s got one of each? Most parents are proud of their kids. Why have you taken this to be “so so rude?”

again it sounds like it’s just your insecurity.

I couldn’t care less how many children people have, it’s a personal decision.
however I’m taking offence to all the people on here saying how awful and chaotic it is with 2/3 kids! We have 3 and absolutely love it. Just as you love your 1, I love my 3

Love this!

You and me both my dear. It's a strange thing.

And I also agree with this. Even with my 1.

People's decisions about how many kids they have are down to them and I don't think that much about it either way. 1 wouldn't want 1 or 6 but people are different and lots of these things are out of people's control, accidents happen as does infertility.

However the op does sound dead smug and while having 1 kid may be the "ultimate life hack" for the parent it rarely is for the child.

A big problem with onlys is for future generations... I'm an only as is my DH, my DM and lots of other family members. I have 2 as they'd be totally alone family wise when we die. I hope they have lots of kids. Blood is always thicker than water.

This. You have to laugh, don’t you.. 😂

I have never commented on people with one child. At times I have envied it, and the kids have always seemed so mature and self-sufficient. Much more peaceful than having three.

People commenting negatively are just rude.

I think 1 is better than having too many. 4 would be my max, and that would be pushing it.

@threeplusmum

My opinion differs, I think having one child is understandable but if something happens to that child - illness or tragedy (not saying it will) but there risk is there, then there is no other children around to fill the gap, and I guess sense of loss may feel greater.

I don't get the above argument. If something happened my only child I'd re-evaluate my whole life. My life would never be the same. Neither would it be if I had 2 and lost 1. I've seen one family who did lose one of 2 children and understandably everyone's lives have been altered. I do feel sorry for the remaining child as (5 years later) they're living in their siblings shadow and the mum has (understandably) never got over it. Now the remaining child is living a life which a chronically depressed and emotionally unavailable parent.

I love my 20- and 22-year old adult children. They’ve always been very close, and hopefully always will be. Going on holidays they had each other, and could go and do their own thing if they wanted. Where we live nursery, school, going to the doctor or dentist, medicine & glasses etc is free anyway so can’t say anything about the extra cost.

Each to their own.

so every weekend it's a non stop procession of kids knocking on asking to play with our DC. In fact we are all ready for a break from all the friends at points!

bloomin heck. That sounds shit to me! 😂

do you have siblings op?
if so, how close?

@ShimmeringShirts

I think you need to get out more. Only children are often more socially and emotionally aware as they spend more proportionate time with adults. I know at least 9 only children and they all appear happy, well rounded, social and are doing well at school.

Some posters here sound like they've had children solely for their own elderly care.

Which is odd considering living and studying overseas is more common than ever....