To be thrilled to have an only child?

[iamloading]

Ok so probably just getting this off my chest after reading yet another post saying "I feel sorry for only children." Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don't get the strange obsession on here that only children are to be pitied in some way.
We have one child by choice, and it is the right decision for us as a family. That's not a decision that's right for every family, and obviously there are huge potential benefits from sibling relationships.
However there are also massive benefits of being an only, and both my husband and I are also onlys so we know this from experience.
We are able to save an amount each month for DC, have far more financial freedom (we both work part time for instance,) have a lovely stress free life. We also moved to a house on a new build estate very near the school so every weekend it's a non stop procession of kids knocking on asking to play with our DC. In fact we are all ready for a break from all the friends at points!
I've never been asked in real life if I'm having another, nor has any pity for my DC ever been expressed. So it just seems to be an issue on here.
So AIBU to just not get the "pity." And ps if you are one child not by choice due to any reason then PLEASE don't feel guilty as in my opinion there is nothing at all to feel guilty for xx

Some only children just get ignored by everyone and don't even see another child during the holidays or weekends

I'd never allow that to happen to my child.

@MorrisZapp Annoyingly they do comment on it.... through your whole life. I'm an only, now age 40, and people still make comments. It's infuriating.

Nothing wrong or odd or lacking about being an only. It's just one of loads of different ways to experience childhood.

Surely you only get riled up enough to start threads like this if you are sensitive to what you read. It always makes me doubt how authentic the opinion is because, honestly, things that people are confident with their decisions in usually brush off them and don’t take up any further time in their head.

@UWhatNow

Obviously touched a nerve there 😉 people have different opinions, hence why I said 'each to their own' 🤣

I cant be bothered having another tbh. Its alot of work and I'm a single parent. Most of my friends are staying at 1 due to being single, money, choice. Not uncommon anymore.

If it annoys you so much I don’t understand why you’ve started a thread on it inviting more people to say it. You are happy with your choice and nobody has every asked you if you are having more, that’s great, nothing wrong with only having one, or having more than one. I don’t think most people care how many children others have. Shouting about it looking for opinions on it, when those opinions upset you seems a little daft but whatever, YANBU.

Well your future grandchildren won't have cousins on your side will they? So you'd best hope your DC marries someone with siblings.... afteral, having cousins is a good thing right? You just said.

I've an only too.

Not going to lie, we wanted more, but I feel very blessed with the gorgeous DS that we managed to have.

I made sure that even though it was difficult for me, I made a huge effort getting to know other school mums and now have a great circle of friends for not only DS but also for me. He's very close to his cousins, who consider him practically a kid brother. He's very sociable and popular in his class and at home he's thoughtful and kind and no signs of spoiled or indulged behaviour.

His grandad was an only child and he was never lonely a day in his life with so many friends. Family is who you surround yourself with so it doesn't matter if some of them are related to you or not.

I don't have an opinion on the family size of others. So YABU to make a post about it imo.

I have noticed that on on multiple family holidays we've had an only child attach themselves to our family though, with the entitled parents sunbathing or sat reading. Maybe just laying there thinking it's "bliss" having only 1 that they dont have to bother with too much

He also has friends 😊

He's very close to his cousins

If everyone has only children, no one will ever have any cousins.

We have one and sticking with one. For us it's the perfect balance of the wonders of a beautiful child and experiencing all her milestones as she grows and giving her what she needs without financial restraint whilst also being able to have time for ourselves too.

The time we might have spent on a second child we will instead spend on self care making us happy parents all round.

It's annoying that this ahs to be a competition. I get why you feel the need to defend it, but I think really you are only adding to that.

Yes, being an only has lots of advantages that are probably not really recognised. I look at the attention and resource that some of my daughter's only child friends receive and am in awe. Frankly I feel a bit jealous that they are able to receive so much from their parents and wish I could give my children - individually - the same. But having more than one has it's benefits too. Why does one need to be better than the other.

I was going to stick to one but me and DP are only children and both hated it and realised DD would grow up with no aunts or uncles or cousins or siblings or any family really (grandparents are very uninterested) so we decided to have DD2 who's due in July

I think there are pros and cons to both and couldn't get worked up about wether someone else chooses to have more than one or not

We have an only. I was 43, had had lots of failed fertility treatment and we’d actually given up when nature said “ok, now’s your moment”. The boy arrived very early and I had preeclampsia. It didn’t seem sensible to do it again and - honestly - ‘3 Bears’ was all we needed to be as a family unit.

My DH is eldest of 4 with only 5.5 yrs between them all. I’m one of 2 and my late bro was much older. The DH always felt my family model worked better 😂 Certainly, I felt like an only child growing up and got on well with my much older sibling in a way that worked well. As a child, he was a baby sitter to me then off to college and as an adult he was a very good friend.

This was one of the reasons why we didn't stick at one. There are unlikely to be cousins for our DC on either side. Being an only child with cousins close in age to play with at family events is probably a bit different from being the only child in the wider family.

Very true. Opinions are like arseholes - everyone's got one. Internalising everyone's opinion would leave me an anxious wreck.

I made it clear in my post that I was unable to have more children.

So fuck off, yeah?

I am an only child. Never minded growing up. But am now feeling the loneliness in dealing with terminally ill parent on my own. Wish I had siblings to share the grief with.

It's so weird to me that people can take other people's life choices so personally.

It wasn't exactly a choice, our first daughter passed away during pregnancy but we decided to stop after our second DD was born. Pregnancy was rough on me both emotionally and physically, I didn't have it in me to go through it again, it had taken us a long time to even get pregnant, there were no guarantees it would happen again anyway. We're ok with it. DD is a happy well adjusted child, with lots of friends and cousins. She doesn't seem all that bothered by being an only child.

I'm not worried about her not having a living sibling. There are no guarantees that they'd get along anyway. My mum is an only and my dad is one of three, one of his brothers has sadly passed away and the other is an absolute arse who he doesn't see. Having a sibling doesn't mean a close relationship will automatically follow.

Thus far we haven't really had any comments, maybe the odd one but I don't take it on. Our decision is just that ours. I don't care what other people think. The only discourse we see about only children is on here. In real life most people keep their opinions to themselves.

If you have inattentive parents who don’t want to spend time with you then you won’t have a particularly fulfilling childhood regardless of the number of siblings you have. I can’t see why only-children would be any more unhappy or happy than any other child. I have a brother but we had completely different friend groups and interests etc.

Only children tend not to be as socially/emotionally aware and can be rather selfish and more prone to violence from what I’ve seen of them - not saying that goes for all only children, just the ones that I have regular contact with.

You might be thrilled, doesnt mean they will be!

Yup