I need to get over MIL announcing birth

[Grumpynewmum23]

I am certain AIBU here but honestly 3 months later am still so annoyed.

For context as am still a bit emotionally drained and have psychological support as I had quite a traumatic birth (PROM, induced, allergic reaction to epidural and failed epidural, 3hr pushing to no avail, baby flipped transverse, episiotomy to pull head round, forceps, ventouse, shoulder dystocia and PPH (lost 1.2l) - mild ptsd/was in shock so refused to hold baby/feed baby etc as a result until next morning).
Anyway, next day after gathering thoughts together etc, DP and I decide we want to announce arrival of our first child to friends and family on Facebook (we didn't announce pregnancy at all as I was scared of losing the baby).
I go and open up Facebook and see MIL has posted a picture of our baby (sent by DP just to family which I hadn't even seen at this point) announcing the arrival of 'her grand[child]' that 'just happened'. Neither DP or I are tagged or even mentioned, and she didn't contact me at all.
At the time I was too in shock and exhausted to even really take it in, but as the initial shock of the birth wore off I've just felt increasingly angry about it and literally cannot shake it off.

Tbh it is not like me to get annoyed or upset by others behaviours that easily, and I hate that I am feeling so negative.

Am I being unreasonably grumpy to feel absolutely incensed by this and is she just excited or is this just not good etiquette?!

Also if anyone has any tips for getting over this, please share!

They really don't. Mumsnet would barely exist if it wasnt for all the complaints about grandparents!

Such narcissistic behaviour, or at the least a very shitty thing to do!

my mum did the same with our engagement before we told half our friends so I had to make it very clear re baby but it just shouldn’t happen.

sorry this happened to you. I eventually mentioned it to my mum when I had calmed down enough to sort of jokily mention it but honestly it’s not worth getting into. Her response was ‘I waited long enough’ (she waited about 3 days I think), but we had friends we were seeing the following weekend that we wanted to tell in person and then had to scramble round calling a bunch of people that deserved to hear first hand rather than over social media. Bloody annoying!!

Anyways, it depends on her as a person as to whether it’s worth bringing up or not I’d say! And as it’s your partners mum, I’d let him do it!

Also I don't want to disrespect anyone on here but Facebook really is for utter losers. Just a platform for Mark Zuckerberg to make a load of money from.

Maybe console yourself with the thought that you might get to pick her nursing home sometime down the line.

I am a YABU-er and a snappy commenter but not a MIL. Just saying.

I couldn’t honestly get as annoyed as you are over this. You have a beautiful baby, who cares if your Mil announced it to her friends?!

I really don’t understand the need for attention in situations like this. You and your baby are healthy and have a whole life together to look forward to, why are you wasting anytime over being negative over a social media post that a grandmother made?

My BIL did something a bit like this. We'd told close family and a few close friends but as it was a difficult birth/ lengthy hospital stay announcing on social media was the last thing on my mind. He posted a picture of DD and tagged me in on Facebook. We're not particularly close and it was annoying that he essentially announced it to extended family and friends.

I did put it down to him being an idiot- he posts a lot on Facebook and is quite ego centric.

I think my annoyance was tied up with the general disorientation of that time - feeling out of control and unclear what happened. I did have some counselling for PND and although this wasn't something I spoke about I think I felt more in control as a result and less irritated by it. A few friends have done the post natal debrief which seemed to help them regain control of their difficult births too.

How has she been since, OP? Both as a grandmother and a MIL?

Of course it's bad etiquette to publicly announce someone else's medical event without their permission. Especially given how traumatic OP's experience was.

I would be annoyed if my relative posted anything private or personal about me without permission, let alone a photo of my newborn child.

She's a nob. I'd get DH to tell her to delete it, but then I'd let it go and move on. Hopefully she will be apologetic

I'm so sorry OP that even on here people are minimising how you feel and saying things like how it isn't a big deal, no point mentioning it and so forth.

I'd be annoyed. She hasn't done the hard work, you have. Announcing she's a grand parent as if it's a thing just makes me 🙄. I had a similar birth to you OP, access your midwives/ GP for further support if you need 💜

You gave birth to a baby, nothing could be more amazing. Why are you worrying about what's happened on facebook? I can't get my head around it. If she didn't tag you or DH in it then none of your friends would even have seen.

Concentrate on your baby, don't worry about facebook.

YABU voter here. Not old enough to be a grandparent, 2 kids of my own. Love my MIL to bits and wouldn't care if she was delighted with her new grandchild and wanted to share a pic. Personal opinion.

I remember a few years ago some friends of my in laws (in their 60s) who I have on on fb posted that she was going to be a grandma. She shared not only that but also the due date and a scan picture. She then set her profile picture to a picture of the scan 🤣. It was up for a couple of hours before the dil actually publicly commented on the post that she hadn't actually announced her pregnancy and would prefer it if she removed the post and the picture of her uterus she had set as her profile picture. She was very polite about it. I was cringing so much for the poor girl, how the mil thought it was appropriate to share without even asking was quite shocking. I think mil's especially can forget that it isn't their baby or their news to be sharing, there seems to be very little respect for the dil in these situations.

Save the conversation for the next child - fgs don't be going announcing it on SM like you did last time!

Otherwise, just forget it and move on. Back in the real days (ie before this obsession with SM and perfect announcements etc) you'd have got home and everyone certainly would have known about it - excited neighbours telling each other and the news spreading.

It's just with SM it feels like the announcement has to be 'perfect' and for everyone to be super happy and surprised etc. And that's for you to do as the mother, not for her to do.

I'd try and forget about it. Really isn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Is it your PFB? My MIL did some really annoying things to me yanked my nipples as DD wouldn't latch she used to be a midwife she then said my nipples weren't any good 🙄🤣. I was angry for ages but moved past it, you do get over stuff.

Omg 🤣

YABU and im not a MIL

Unless you have previously lost a baby I find it a bit odd you didn't tell a soul you were pregnant and if you didn't tell her not to announce the news how would she know?

Also if she didn't tag you presumably it's her friends a few common family members who would have been notified rather than the entirety of both you and your husbands social contacts

You're right to be upset. She shouldn't have and it is annoying.

But - your MIL was excited and no doubt she just got carried away.

It's not a competition, and she isn't taking away your baby or anything. Your baby is always your baby, and you will always be his/her mum. No-one can replace you for your baby!

So, expand your heart, and allow your MIL her failings. None of us are perfect and we can't control those around us.

Enjoy your baby!

I think I'd be extremely annoyed at someone posting a photo of my baby on Facebook

It wasn't her news to share. I'd be livid. Another bloody annoying MIL who doesn't know boundaries!!!

DHs step mum did this, I couldn’t get too worked up about it. I mean poor form yes but 3 months down the line you just just need to let it go! Sorry to hear about your traumatic birth 💐

Some of us don't want pictures of our kids posted on social media at all.

Especially not, as in the case of my mil and several others on the thread, alongside their full name and date of birth.

There are fairly good reasons for that.

My dad did this with our first baby, he didn’t mean it with any malice he just gets excited and is a prolific facebook poster. I’d told my immediate family and then got a message off a friend saying “OMG is baby here?! I’ve just seen your dads facebook post!” I was a bit bemused but he’s excitable and his grandson was a big deal, so there we go. Never said anything, just saw it as something nice that he wanted to share with his friends. When DS2 was born though I sent a message to the family group saying “please don’t share these photos on social media as we haven’t told everyone he’s here yet”, dad replied with “you don’t need to tell us that, we would never!” He genuinely didn’t realise he’d done exactly that three years ago 😂 at the end of the day it doesn’t matter, you probably don’t have much facebook crossover with your MIL anyway and she was just excited. Have a chat about not sharing photos without permission going forward and then move on x

Can't your DH have a quiet word with her?