AIBU to not use the baby name we picked because she has used it?

[Elciekay]

So I'll try to be as unemotional about this as possible and this is incredibly outing but I'm genuinely at a loss as what to do.

Also this is my first ever thread and I'm not 100% sure on all the MN acronyms!

I have a step-sister who I lived with since I was aged 6 until 15 (she went to university). Our family consists of my mum, brother, me and my sted-dad and two step-sisters.

DSS is 4 years older than me. She became pregnant last spring/summer. I became pregnant last summer. Her due date was 8 weeks before mine. Both expecting girls.

DSS told my mum she liked the name Josephine. My mum told her Elciekay has chosen that name.

DSS said 'oh well we are going to call her Joey and Elciekay can call hers Josie'

Fast forward to today and DSS has finally told my Mum she named her daughter Josphine (4 weeks old)

I am very upset as I had my heart set on Josephine/Josie.
I am due in 4 weeks.

So my question is, do I use the name anyway or not? Yes we have other options but none feel quite right.

For what it's worth the family get together now between 8-10 times a year.

So:

• AIBU it's a name, who cares if they have the same name?

• YANBU they can't have the same name, pick something else

Ok. Didn’t get that.
It wasn’t meant to offend, apologies if you took it that way.

I’ve just re read your post.
Now I see what I’ve done, what a twat I am. My comment was meant for another. my post looks really stupid. Again apologies.

I'd use it. You don't live close, you're not going to see her a lot, she's going to use a different diminutive. Also - back in the day, cousins would often have the same names.

I think,with your attachment to that name and your Angel baby,I would find another name that you like.There are so many beautiful names around and You could find one of two that You surprise yourself by really liking.Try to be positive when searching.
But,if you can't let go,
You could make up a name,just use Josie or use the name but in another language but it means the same as Josephine iyswim.josiefien,josiefina,yosephina....
Good luck

Thank you all for your thoughts, I am still here reading them there are too many to reply to individually now!

FWIW -

I know you can't steal a university choice. That was DSS's opinion way back and caused lots of drama between the two sisters. As far as I can remember, she had always wanted to go there since she was little (she is extremely intelligent apparently the family had been planning university from very young for her) to do a certain subject. Her sister (my other DSS) picked that subject and university. I can't comment on how

Yes there has definitely been a theme of competition between the two sisters since childhood so it is normal for them. I have managed to avoid it due to being younger but I'm concerned the proximity of age of our DC will enhance the competition.

Regarding my first loss - I wasn't planning to tell my currently unborn daughter about my miscarriages until she was much much older so wouldn't have felt she was in the shadow of etc.
I appreciate those opinions that the grief counsellors idea isn't a good one - it was to help me deal with the loss not other people etc.
Also, it was the only girl name we had picked and no my loss was before the 20 week scan so I didn't know the gender but again under the grief counsellors it was recommended to name and gender to help me.

Unfortunately, miscarriages are more common than spoken about (although even I can see this is improving in the last few years) and initially I thought i was coping but other things meant I ended up needing counselling.

Also, I wouldn't be making the choice to distance myself from her purely based on the name situation. There are several factors and I would have a Frank conversation with her before making any huge decisions. As many of you have said family is complicated.

I know you can't steal a university choice. That was DSS's opinion way back and caused lots of drama between the two sisters. As far as I can remember, she had always wanted to go there since she was little (she is extremely intelligent apparently the family had been planning university from very young for her) to do a certain subject. Her sister (my other DSS) picked that subject and university. I can't comment on how

There is more than one place on a course, and no reason why DSS could not go to the same uni and do the same course
More drama about nothing

Sorry for your loss

So your first baby was going to be called J

Sadly you lost her - and now going to call second child that

I do think that's a bit weird. It's no 1 name

Equally I think sister choosing same name as your first angel a baby is weird as well

Maybe use as a second name if really like it

But I would have different first and middle name

@Ceryneianhind Oh I agree but for whatever reason DSS decided going there as well wasn't an option or even doing the same degree.

@ouch321 for all we know she could be on here! I know my Mum certainly reads mumsnet.

@raguragu unfortunately this was my grandma's name! And I don't want to honour my Dad's side of the family 😅

@Hadtocomment I just wanted to say thank you so much for your post.

I would also like to believe that the name choice was less intentional and more 'unthinking' and that I am most likely being over-sensitive about it due to my loss etc.

💝

This would be the ideal situation to be honest!

My brother and cousin have the same name. Not an issue, we were never close.
I'd use it if I were you.

My daughter was definitely definitely going to be X .....no question, we had agreed it weeks before.

Then when she was born I lay awake all night thinking that it really didnt suit her, so I changed it ! Looking back it was wrong of me to unilaterally do that and then inform then DH of the fait accompli when he came back to collect us, but I am using the post birth brain fog as an excuse and luckily he agreed that it suited her so much better!

While no one owns a name, your SS has been an arse here. I'm sorry for your loss.

I wonder if this is a sign though and you should go for Josephine? Josie is a lovely name 😊

Thats crazy. This would mean your “new” baby never has her own identity.
I would use a completely different name. But I wouldnt be happy SS used the name of your first baby at all.

I honestly think some people steal baby names to be vindictive, especially in this situation. And to make it worse the name of your baby that is no longer here. What an insensitive bitch. Even if you didn't want to use the name again, how thoughtless is it for her to choose that name. Out of all the names in the world.

I would choose another name completely. Maybe use Josephine as her middle name. We call my DD by both her first and middle names, usually we use her middle name around family only which works for us.

I'm 40 and have had 6 and equally it's not a term I'd use but calling ick when someone else does is very lacking in compassion.

Call your baby Josephine. People end up with the same names all the time.

How about Henrietta/Hettie?

Or just call her Harriet/Hattie. It doesn't matter if they have the same name in the slightest.

I was adamant DS1 would be called Leon. When he was born he just didn't look like a Leon so we didn't go with it! He is now 12 and certainly has never seemed like a Leon!

Hi posters
OP probably had the baby a month or so ago.

Any updates OP

Call the baby the name you chosen.

I'm sorry for your loss xxx

Hi everyone, my little girl is 5 weeks old today and we decided on Ottilie or Tilly for short. It did take us a few days but I'm very happy with our choice and that I didn't make any big decisions regarding family!

congratulations and what a beautiful name!
hope you’re getting some sleep….

How can you steal a university ?? Ffs ! You do you, she can do her.