AIBU to not use the baby name we picked because she has used it?

[Elciekay]

So I'll try to be as unemotional about this as possible and this is incredibly outing but I'm genuinely at a loss as what to do.

Also this is my first ever thread and I'm not 100% sure on all the MN acronyms!

I have a step-sister who I lived with since I was aged 6 until 15 (she went to university). Our family consists of my mum, brother, me and my sted-dad and two step-sisters.

DSS is 4 years older than me. She became pregnant last spring/summer. I became pregnant last summer. Her due date was 8 weeks before mine. Both expecting girls.

DSS told my mum she liked the name Josephine. My mum told her Elciekay has chosen that name.

DSS said 'oh well we are going to call her Joey and Elciekay can call hers Josie'

Fast forward to today and DSS has finally told my Mum she named her daughter Josphine (4 weeks old)

I am very upset as I had my heart set on Josephine/Josie.
I am due in 4 weeks.

So my question is, do I use the name anyway or not? Yes we have other options but none feel quite right.

For what it's worth the family get together now between 8-10 times a year.

So:

• AIBU it's a name, who cares if they have the same name?

• YANBU they can't have the same name, pick something else

I'd use the name.

Your DSS isn't bothered and you love the name. The abbreviation you have in mind isn't similar to the abbreviation she's using.

I should have read the whole thread.

All this talk of cutting this woman off and her sister 'stealing' the university she wanted to go to makes me think your entire family has more problems thst just naming the baby.

You are all way too find of drama.

Fwiw, unless you miscarried quite early in pregnancy, I can't imagine any therapist suggesting that a name would be recycled. The baby you are expecting isn't a replacement. She's a completely new person, an individual in her own right. It would be healthier to use Josephine as a middle name, imo, and start afresh with a first name.

Use it, and pick different nicknames. There's no law against it, and really, no hard-and-fast custom against it, either.

Not the same thing, but in the same vein, my cousins and I are, in order of age, Betsy, Bunny, Billy, Bess, and Becky. My grandmother would just yell, "HEY, B!" then duck for cover so as to not be trampled in the stampede.

Yes, I don’t see the problem. Harri and Hattie are quite different. I wouldn’t re-use a name I’d given another child though. The first child does not live through the second. but, also have a think. No matter what you name your child, if you keep resenting others the only one caught is you, not them. Do you want to spend your long term emotional energy this way?

That's ridiculous.

Her using "your" name is ridiculous though - unless it's named after a relative?

I'd use it a second name for your baby to honour the first or not use it and keep it for your first

Louds of Families use the same names
At a family wedding we had 14 Michaels, ages 80 to 2yrs and everything in between
So many Mary’s I lost count
Every family in my family has one daughter with the same name as mine
At gatherings we all line up for photos.

It really is quite normal

If you love the name don’t compromise.

Ps We also have six Josephine’s.

That is an awful thing to do to your 2nd child

Elciekay

I would still use the name if you have your heart set on it.

I'd had my heart set on DD's name for years before she was even conceived. My close friend knew how much I loved the name and named it her DD 😅

A few years later when I had my own DD I still called her the name I had picked

And, my ex, his sister named her first baby after him. When we had our DS he wanted to name our son after him. As did I. So we did. So DS has an older cousin with the exact same name as him, maybe it bothers SIL, i wouldn't know. But it doesnt bother me

You could use the name as a middle name in memory of your loss

My first baby was 3 months premature and died 2 hours after he was born.

We named him ( not his real name ) Thomas John. Our 2nd son is called John Thomas. "John" being their fathers name. "Thomas" being a name I loved.

This is going to sound nuts, @Elciekay

The actress Hattie Jacques full name was Josephine Edwina Jacques.
A colleague gave her the nickname "Hattie" after one of her early performances, and it stuck.

I don't know if you knew this?

Lots of posters are saying not to use a name that you thought of for a previous pregnancy. Suggesting this is wrong
I disagree
Many families do this and again like my previous post mine have , both in my generation and in previous.
It was quite common to re use a name if a child died even if they were quite old…Not just family names you pass on down the generations but also ones you just like.

Theres nothing wrong with this
You should do what you want.

This is why you never tell people your baby names.

I personally wouldn't use it.

It’s a lovely thing to do. What a thing to say

Make the 1st child part of the 2nd one? What a weight to carry.

Oop just read your later posts
not Josephine then😫

we don’t have any Harriet’s but it is a beautiful name.

My family have done it for generations.

My dad was the third Michael, the first died at 1yr, the second at 6yrs.

There were also 2 Johns, etc etc
Historically it was normal.
These days less children die in childhood, but people still have miscarriages and …yes …family members have kept the names they loved and used them.

No ones ever suffered from it.
My dad always said it was an honour.

Clearly OPs therapist thinks it’s a good thing too.

No ones ever suffered from it.

That's quite the generalisation.

You have no idea, your dad might have been ok with it but others may have struggled with the weight

We’ll have to agree to disagree on this
Like I said we consider it an honour
You don't and that’s great as OP gets to explore both opinions.
Which is why she’s asked.

I have actually done this as I had a stillborn. I changed the spelling but it's still the same name. Nothing wrong with doing so. DC knows they share their name with a sibling who died & Is okay with that.

Serendipity!🤣

I have the same.name.as two second cousins (a very age related name). We rarely see either now we are all grown, one moved up north as a teenager. The other emigrated to Australia and I now live in Scandinavia. We all hear about each other via different family members and we refer to them by their full name ie Josephine Smith has a new dog Josephine Carter is going on holiday to .Greece etc.

As the mother of a Harriet (Hattie) who is a twinless twin to her sister Mary.....go with what your heart says and to hell with everyone else.

Just that.

I know this isnt what your tales about but how do you steal a university? Do you mean one sister was admitted to the uni where the other was rejected? Or one sister elected to study at fhe same uni? Neither of these choices seem unreasonable.

Oh and regards the name. It's OK to have 2 x Josephines in the family particularly if you'll use different nic names. If you had a baby that died I think it's a bit insensitive of you step sister and her OH, but if you had an early miscarriage and had just mentioned a name you might like if you had a girl.....I think it's fair game to use it.
What does your OH think? Any other names he particularly liked?

Shame you didn't want the Harri nickname as I know an Angharad that goes by Hari.